Well...

I talk a lot about change.  In fact, I just wrote a few days ago about Cole leaving for the summer in a couple of weeks and how that is going to be quite a big change  in my apartment for a while. But this weekend I had another 'AH HA moment' with change.

Let's back up a little.

Over the last year I've wondered many times, "How did I get to this place and become this person that I am?"  I've sat many hours thinking about how I used to be such a "good person" and just a lot different than the person I am today and am constantly trying to figure out plans of action to become the person that I want to be.  Well, the fact of the matter is that I am still a good person. I might not do all the right things, and I sure don't say all the right things, but I know who I am and I'm working on those few things that I know I need to; It just takes patience. 

Sometimes you just have to take a look at life, shrug your shoulders, and say:

""

And then just move on.  Because they really just do and it doesn't have to be bad.

 I can remember the person I was two or so years ago and the parts that I didn’t like about myself, overtime, I was able to change.  It wasn't until this last weekend that I realized that it wasn’t just something I decided I was going to change and then just did it because I knew I needed too and just kept it up as a front because I wanted people to see me a certain way.  No.  It just became a part of who I am.  I am a different person now and of course there are things that I’m working on changing but those few things that I let semi-control my life back then are no longer an issue now.

I've changed.

I don’t put up with people’s bull. I don’t get AS invested in people’s lives to the point that it makes me sick to my stomach to think about fixing it. I don't lie about things that don't matter; I tell the truth.  I had very minimal panic attacks in the last year and I do all of that while still showing the people I care about that I love them and am there for them.

I’m so happy to be able to be the real me at all times.  Once I decide to make other changes (for good or bad) no matter what it is, it will be because I made that decision...not because I know it's how people expect me to act.

I am in control of my own life.