The End is Not the End.

This weekend I attended the funeral of my friend's brother who passed away while on his mission in Guam from head injury after falling from a tree.  I haven't been able to stop thinking about how precious and short our time on Earth is. 

Funerals make me sad, that is true, but they also always make me want to be a better person.  I didn't know Miller but what I do know is that I'm so grateful to have the Gospel and knowledge I have about why we are here and where we are going.  Death scares me a little but only because I don't like the idea of being left behind or without people I care so deeply about.  But I'm fortunate enough to know that when our life ends on this Earth, it is not the end.   

The messages that were shared at the funeral were just a good reminder of what we believe and why we do the things that we do.  I'm not perfect, and I mess up more times than I'd like to admit.  But I know that my worth is not measured by the mistakes I've made.  All I know is that I want to be the person who lives life to the fullest, who is happy, caring, kind, forgiving and who chooses the right and loves others even when people are hard to love.  I want to be and do those things because I love my Savior and because I'm striving to return back to Him and to be with my Family who I know are more righteous than me (haha jk but really.. I know I need to step it up) 

I know that I won't be perfect at it and that I will continue to make dumb mistakes but I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who never gives up on me and never ceases to make me feel loved.  He's surrounded me with amazing people who I don't want to think about my life on Earth without... I'm just glad I know why I'm here and I know what I'm working toward. 

Sure, we get lost sometimes and we forget what we're supposed to be doing and what really matters, but I know that God understands and that He only asks us to try.  I guess we just start by evaluating ourselves and trying to be a little better than we were the day before. If you don't know why you're here and what you're working toward or if you get lost along the way... figure it out. Set goals, find God (have Faith), rely on Him, cherish time with the people you love, and find out what makes you happy.  I know that my days and weeks go better when I'm focusing on the things that matter and not just wishing time away. Yes, I've been guilty on multiple occasions in my life to doing the opposite of all of those things.  We sometimes just need sucky reminders to get us back on track. 

Oh Life :)

I truly believe that we chose to come here and that we knew what we were getting ourselves into.  Prove it to your pre-mortal self that you can do all the hard things you knew might come your way;) ....Weird.  I just thought of it that way and I realized that I have a lot of work to do. 

haha. wow. 
Keep the Faith!

I don't love Winter.

I like to remind Jamie often that she told me they would only be in Maryland for “2 years.”  I’m sure she rolls her eyes on the other side of the phone every time I bring it up.  For the record, though, she really did say that multiple times.  I’m sure it was just her attempt to calm me down when I found out about their decision to move East.  I still hate that they live there.  I still wish the two year thing was truth.  Whatever the case, she said that if I blogged more she would consider moving back.  It’s a fib, I’m sure, but I will give it a try :)

Things have been pretty “blah” lately.  I really don’t love the winter.  My skin gets dry, I get a little sad from the lack of sunshine, and I’m disgustingly pale which always brings on the yearly debate with myself: “To tan, or not to tan?” Cancer risk/cooking my insides or briefly feeling good about myself in shorts and dresses?  The struggle.  Thank goodness tomorrow is officially spring.  Now, if the weather would actually act that way I would get excited about it.  

Not a whole lot has been going on lately which I know is my fault.  I’ve been reading a lot, working, and watching significantly less TV than I used to.  Don’t get me wrong.  I still watch my fair share.  I’ll tell you though, the older I get the sadder I get about the fact that I spend more time at work than I spend awake at home during the week.  It's sad.  I guess that’s how it goes and why they say you are supposed to “pick a profession that you LOVE!”  Blah, blah, blah.  That’s hard!  Finding jobs you love all the time  and that push you is hard!  But I guess it’s not supposed to be easy.  I just wish it was.  Don’t get me wrong, I really have a great job and I’m blessed in more ways than I deserve but sometimes I just want to.. not work.  HA.  Such is life.  I realize that we have to work to live but whyyyyyyy?! Jk. I’m ranting. 

So when people ask me what I’ve been up to and I say “just work and hanging out.” That’s literally what I’m doing right now.  I need a new hobby.  Rachel and I have talked about taking a cooking class. Ha.  We’ll see how that goes.

Speaking of Rachel, I think I mentioned that Amanda and I finally got our new roommate to move in at the beginning of February?  Maybe I didn’t.. well she moved in!   Pros:  She’s nice, She does hair (mega bonus), I bought a washer and dryer from her sister for $200 that her dad and brother delivered (score) and rent is way cheaper.  I honestly don’t know how I was paying $1,100 a month in my old apartment for Cole and I last year.  $350 a month is so much nicer :)  I feel like I spend a lot of time in my room but I don’t mind.  Having the master bedroom with my own bathroom makes it WAY worth paying the extra money.  I could skate in my room if I wanted.  Side note—one time I saw an infomercial for carpet skates and I really wanted them until I realized that you can probably just do it in socks.  Besides the point.  Things are good.  We all get along but that’s probably because we don’t see a lot of each other during the week.   I’m fine with that.  I think the key to any friendship between two or more girls, especially roommates, is space from each other.  So far it’s worked great.  Oh and I would probably see more of them but I’ve decided that I love going to bed early on the week days.  It’s changed my life.

Hmmm.. what’s new, what’s new?  On Monday we had a Government Team lunch at PF Changs to celebrate the end of the 2^nd Quarter.  First of all, I’m always game for good free lunch but I also really like getting to interact with people I work with every day over email and the phone.  When this happens, though, it usually means I get to have a nice chat about my lack of love life.  Always a fun conversation to have when getting to know someone new on a personal level.  I just wish people wouldn’t bring it up. [Why is that even a question you have to ask people?  Should your relationship status be added in your personal introductions or on your email signature? “Hi. My name is Jennifer Hansen, I’m alone.” I blame Facebook.  Curse you Mark Zuckerberg!] When they do I always end up having to spend ten or more minutes convincing them that I’m not sad about it.  It’s annoying.  I get why they ask though.  I mean, I guess that’s supposed to be what I’m doing at my age.  I'm not. I'm fine with it.  Leave me the alone, k?! The coworker did tell me that he only asks because he just doesn’t get why I don’t date.   Super nice.  He also said that “whoever ends up winning me over will be a lucky guy.”  It got weird and cliche for a second but then I just realized that it was a sincere compliment.  I thanked him and quickly turned the conversation over to my other coworker’s love life.  Works every time.

While we’re still on the single note (because that’s clearly in the top three things to describe the life of a person my age especially in Utah) Rachel and I decided to go to our first “25 and older YSA activity" a couple of weeks ago. Yes, it's a thing and yes,it was bad.  You learn a lot about yourselves when you’re put into awkward situations like that.  I learned that I’m a pretty awkward person at first but then I always end up forcing myself to talk to someone. I realized that I don’t like going up to people and being like “What’s your name, tell me your life..blah blah blah.” However, I’m 100% comfortable and 90% more witty and funny if someone has to come up to me.  I will start a conversation, no problem.  If you’re interesting, I will even continue the convo.  If you aren’t interesting and you don’t laugh at my funny comments (*cough* cute Curtis with the nearly there sense of humor*)… Get Steppin’!  But really, I stationed myself and Rachel by the water cooler and cups so people would be like “I need a drink, where are the cups?” and I’d be like “You thirsty? Here’s a cup.  What’s your name?” HA! I promise it was less awkward than I just made it sound.  All I have to say is that those events are the WORST.  I hate going places where I don’t know anyone to start off with but if you’re just eating and "mingling" and not playing games or doing an activity that I can just join in?  Awkward City.

 Dear Mom and Dad, I tried.  The end.