Wednesday

"I said mild." -me to the waiter and BWW who thought I ordered "wild" wings
"I just saw you and thought wild." -the waiter
Pretty sure this waiter "eluded" to the fact that he thought I was a lesbian.  I don't blame him. Sometimes I just like to dress comfy and I'm usually only with dudes.  It happens.  But when he said this about "looking at me and thinking I was wild" or something I thought it was pretty funny.  I'm not wild.. I'm just awesome, I feel ;)

"He made out with a girl who could barely stand up." -Nieko
"Was she handicapped or just really big?" -Sam
I'm not sure how Sam hadn't heard this story about Willy from a YEAR ago.  I mean, really. Earth to Sam--That was one of the best stories of 2012.  "Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow." hahahaha. Sorry Willy.  I'm done.  But really, Sam really just assumed that since she couldn't stand up she must have been handicapped or obese.  HA.  Ok, I'm not laughing at people who are those things because that is not a joke.  I'm just laughing that he didn't guess the obvious.  And come on.. Just because someone is obese or handicapped, that doesn't mean they can't stand up.  I mean, some can't. 

..Oh crap, now I just got sad.

"Do you want a hug?!" -Jamie to mom
"No." -mom
Jamie was so upset about this.  Mom just didn't want a hug but like Jamie said, if she's asking someone if they want a hug, it usually means that she really wants one.  Isn't our mom is the nicest? haha jk.  Sometimes you just don't want a hug or to be touched.  I think we've all felt that a time or two.  I know I have.  I don't blame her.  Especially since she's been super tired lately being a grandma and helping babysit pretty much 24/7 right now.  She's a good mom!  Just don't ask for a hug sometimes;) 

"Good thinkin', Blinkin"  -me to mom via text about a good idea she had
"Good fartin', Blartin'" -mom's response
I couldn't help but laugh at this.  Why? Because mom text a lot more now that she has her iPhone and she says some really funny things.  You guys, she even uses emoji's sometimes and it CRACKS me up.  The best is that she's so quick with her responses.  Sometimes they don't make sense, but that's when they are the best.  

"You're so clev-e-a." -Nieko
"What did you call me?!" -Kier .........
"Ohhhh French for clever." -Kier
yes.  Nieko is fluent in french. Didn't you know?

"I would have been a gatherer." 
-Me talking about cavemen days and how there is no way I could have been a hunter.
"I can't even touch raw chicken so..."
-Amanada
And that was the day we decided we would have been gatherers, without a doubt.  Think about it.  Being a gatherer would have been WAY less messy (You know all the blood and literal shiz that came with being a hunter), and it would have been less of a nightmare.  Those hunters had to have been fearless to kill all those beasts and they couldn't mind getting dirty.  Both things that don't equal Jenn.  I mean, all you'd probably have to worry about as a gatherer really was the poisonous stuff...and the occasional animals that might have been hunting you. Ok, yeah. I just decided I couldn't have been a cave-person.. or a pioneer.  


"EASTON, your pants are on fire, I'm not even kidding you!!!!!!"
-Kier frantically letting Easton know his pants were on fire.
I can't remember why he was standing on a piece of wood in the middle of the fire pit on Saturday night but his pant leg really did catch on fire without him realizing it. And Kier freaked out. HAHA. I told them it was like the time my coveralls caught on fire in High School during welding.  Nightmare.  It's the moment where you don't know what to do and you think, "Do I take off my pants, am I wearing cute under-roos? Do I stop, drop and roll?" kind of moment.  I'm sure Easton didn't think that at all.  He's a man's man.  

Man. Put fire out with hand. *ok, Jenn.  Enough with the Caveman talk.
moving on.

"I know you have like a lesbian crush on me and everything but it's just getting creepy, I'm not into girls, sorry..."
-Maddie Blaylock on "How to Respond To Mean Girls in High School."
Savanna and I like to keep up on the High School drama that's going on. 1.) because it still includes people that we love and 2.) I'm fascinated with how different things are now than from when I was in High School a billion years ago.  

Girls are mean these days..and whores.  Luckily Maddie has a good brother like Hyrum to give her good advice on what to text someone who is being a B word to you everyday of your life and making HS a living Hell.  His advice? Call them out for being so obsessed with you and your life.  The jealousy card won't work but calling them a lesbian will. (Not in a taunting way like "omg, you're a lesbian" because that is rude but in a "umm, I'm a little creeped out that you have a huge crush on me and are a little stalkerish" kind of way)

 You guys, she really said this to one of the girls via text.  I love it. The girl just answered back with question marks.  Why? Because they might actually realize that they are seeming a little obsessed with you and they might even begin to question their sexual orientation.. or they will just back off.  Either way--win/win.

I think it's a good tactic.


"Real babies are not a joke.  Fake babies? Kind of funny."
-Amanda and I talking about all the people announcing they are having babies.
Sometimes Amanda is the last person to find out things in our group.  It's not a bad thing, I just think it's funny.  So when I mention something in a "nbd" kind of way (because it's old news) and she does that "WHAT?!" kind of thing.. it's kind of fun.  Only because I get to relive how hot the gossip was when I first heard it.  

Sadly, I wasn't joking about the baby news. That's only something that would be an "APRIL FOOLS" kind of joke.  Don't get me started on April Fool's and baby announcements....

Really, though.  Babies.  This just got us talking about how the idea of having a baby right now is kind of a nightmare.  I mean, for us. Since we're not married or in a relationship or anything.

But to all of you having one right now, Congrats! *insert thumbs up*


"I'd pick my warts off before dances though."
-Kier
Warts are not a joke.  Either are Herpes.  Kier, though?  She had them both in HS.  Not Herp, herp but you know? Mouth Herpes.  When she told us this at dinner about how she picked her warts off her hands before dances, I was dying laughing.  I just pictured her sitting on her bed frantically picking them clean off before her date got there to pick her up. Kier--I'm not laughing at your situation because it's not that big of a deal.. I'm just laughing at how open you are about it and how you decided to tell us this at dinner.  Guess what though, guys.. she's herp and wart free for the record...and the prettiest :) 

"You would like those, you're like an Indian." -Jamie to me
"How am I like an Indian?" -me
"Sometimes you wear Moccasins and you do have the skin tone of an Indian.  Feather not dot, of course."
"haha That's rude." -me while listening to her talk about my red skin.
"Embrace your natural roots." -Jamie
It's not a surprise that I have naturally red skin. I don't really LOVE it, but what can you do?  That's just the way it is.  I'm a Hansen, sue me. I'm also blond so any color I have you can just assume I got it from tanning. Fake? Don't care.

I know that we have Cherokee in our blood line somewhere but get real; I'm not an Indian. Jamie just got lucky and got the Portuguese Olive toned skin from the Stump side.  That basically means that if she's out in the sun for the day she turns Mexican.  It's rude, but what can you do? She's the pretty child. I'm the middle child. Shafted. The end.

"She doesn't even go here!"
-Cole to Kiersten as she was giving the "thought" at our ward's FHE
 Let's face it--Any quote from "Mean Girls" is always funny but it's EXCEPTIONALLY funny when it comes from a dude who is calling out his girl friend in front of a bunch of people she doesn't know.  haha. She was really just doing me a favor since I dropped the ball on finding someone.  She's a gem.  But Cole's right.  She doesn't go to our ward. 

hahaha. Classic.