When I think about spending my entire lifetime up to this point, plus 5 years, with just one person, my mind can't really seem to grasp it. Not that I wouldn't love it or that I couldn't do it, it's just weird to think about. 30 years is a really long time! There are reasons why I'm happy my parents met and have stayed together all this time. Of course, I'm happy they gave birth to me. I mean, I think I'm pretty cool and my parents think I'm awesome. So there's that. Oh, and of course without "them" as a couple there wouldn't be a Jamie Lyn or Coleman Wade. They liked to pick on me a lot growing up but I can honestly say that my life would be dull (at best) without them in it. So I guess I'm saying that I'm just glad I wasn't the only child. I'll take middle child over that any day.
So if three super cool, awesome, fantastic, extraordinary kids with just a few flaws (haha) was all that came out of this 30 year marriage, then I would say it was 100% worth it. But that's not all that's come out it. You know, growing up I never really realized how important marriage was. I mean, I knew that when I grew up, I wanted to find a man who 1) held the priesthood, 2)had a good job, and 3) would be able to take me to the temple. That was about the gist of it. I didn't know why marriage and all of those things were important. I just knew that is what you did, and I thought about it a lot growing up.
Through college and the last few years people would ask me if I'm dating someone or if I ever wanted to get married and I will be honest and say that I really believed that I wouldn't. I say "believed" because I don't really think that way too much anymore.. It's totally something that I want for my future at some point if the right opportunity comes along. But back then I was just always fine with it--the single part of life. I would tell people I really didn't care if I ever got married. Why? I couldn't handle hearing about people fighting, getting divorced, the cheating, ect. It made me sick. I just couldn't even imagine getting myself into a situation where one of those things could maybe happen to me. To love someone so much and eventually have things turn to crap. The thought makes me shiver. I get heart broken over Grey's Anatomy for crying out loud. Not OK.
I'm realizing more and more lately about the blessings that come with marriage and families, especially as I've watched my parents. My family and my parents aren't the PERFECT example of how it should be (who is though, really? ) But I look up to them so much. We're pretty great. So in honor of my parents 30th anniversary and in celebrating Cole and Kier's engagement this weekend (yep, it happened. I'm officially the last one in my family and am one cousin on the Hansen side away from being the LAST grandkid to get married out of the 28-30 some grandkids. It's not AS bad as it seems, really. I'm like 5th from the last in age anyways.. but still. It's whatever)... But back to the point. In honor of all the love and happiness going around, I wanted to post 30 things I've learned from my parent's about marriage and being a parent/ and how to be a good person in general, really. Not all of them came from good things of course, but in observing them for my 25 years of life, I've learned so much from them. They really are the greatest.
1.) Always kiss your wife/husband goodbye. Dad would always kiss mom goodbye before leaving for work. This was always so comforting to me.
2.) Always say "I love you." I think this is one thing that makes our family so close.. We always say we love each other...Everyday. Even Cole and I do that with each other when it's just him and I at the apartment. Mom and Dad taught us to love and that is one of the most important things I've learned from them, I feel.
3.) Things are rarely easy. Some days are just sucky. Learn to deal with it and change it!
4.) Everything eventually works out as long as you have faith and keep on trying.
5.) Being married is hard.
6.) You'll sometimes fight, maybe more than you'd ever imagine, but you always keep on going.
7.) Go to church.
8.) Pray. Personal, family, ect.
9.) Always have a prayer in your heart.
10.) Money can ruin you. Don't let it.
11.) Don't hide things from your spouse. Open communication is KEY.
12.) Always be willing to help other people, especially your spouse.
13.) Sincerely be interested in the passion's and hobby of your spouse/children
14.) Don't put down anyone. If you do, be quick to realize what you've done and apologize.
15.) Give frequent (sincere) compliments.
16) Be open and honest to talk about even the things that scare you the most.
17) Date each other after you're married. Don't let yourself forget that you're "in love". Especially when you become a parent. Take care of your marriage/relationship.
18.) Faithfully pay your tithing.
19.) Don't be so serious all the time. Be goofy sometimes!
20.) Be kind to each other and others you're around. Don't forget that you're also married to your friend....so be the best friend you can be.
21.) Sometimes you'll be asked to do things or go places you don't want to go because it's your spouses passion/love... Be actively interested.
22.) Help each other. You can't expect just one person to be the clean, cook, ect...so just help. You'll get stuff done faster if you do it that way. Recognize when people go the extra mile.
23.) Have fun!
24.) Yelling is never the answer. Take a second to breathe and then talk about things like an adult.
25.) Always include the Lord in your decisions.
26.) Use ear plug if needed. (haha, snoring. smh. The worst.)
27.) Be kind and stand up for yourself if you feel like you're being controlled.
28.) You can't take material things with you, so stop caring as much about them or what people think.
29.) Be understanding. There are some things people go through that are out of their control. Be patient.
30.) Above all, be grateful for what you have and all of your blessings. Count your blessings daily.
I know that 30 years ago my parents got married and didn't know where their lives would go or what was in store for them. I'm sure they had different plans and different dreams. Life hasn't been the easiest for them or our family, BUT we are one of the luckiest families in the world. Heavenly Father knew we needed each other,
It really makes you stop and think about how important it is to make good choices, to never give up, and to stay strong to your beliefs and your faith and to follow the spirit, because whether you like it or not, you aren't just effecting your own life when you make choices....
I'm just so happy that my parents have made the choices they did. I'm grateful to their parents who raised them in the church which pointed them in the direction to go on a mission where they met in England over 30 years ago. I'm grateful they found each other again at a multi stake/single adult dance after their missions and for (shortly) later getting sealed in the Logan temple where Kier and Cole plan to get sealed at the end of the summer. I'm thankful they love each other and love us so much and I'm grateful that they haven't given up over all the years even when giving up seemed like an "easy escape." They really are the hardest workers and most loving people I know.
I might not be married yet but I'm surrounded by so many people and relationships that give me hope and make me excited for what could maybe come later on.
Until then,
Here's to another 30 years, M&D :)
Thanks for finding each other. Thanks for having me. Thanks for helping me realize how important and sacred Marriage is.
I Love you more than you know!
Oh, and please hold the "You're next" or "You're the last one" comment for someone who cares or thinks it's funny and not annoying. OK? ;)
