Keep the Faith

I remember my mom tell us when we were younger, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all."  Don't mom's know that is hard?  jesh. Well, I've spent this last week living by that rule when it comes to blogging.  I didn't write anything down because I didn't really have anything positive to say. 

Lately it's seemed to be one thing after another.  Stresses with figuring out the brother's next step in life, crazy trips to the dentist (yet again), missing home and my family terribly, and feeling really disconnected with people, things, goals and beliefs that used to be a major part of my life and who I thought I was as a person.  

When crazy stuff like this happens, big or small, we usually wonder, "Why me?"  For example, I was talking to my mom yesterday, and it's no secret that things have never really been easy for her and my dad in general, but she called me a little upset and told me that one of their steers that was ready to go to the butcher on Tuesday had bloated and died.  She was devastated. This happens to even the best of farmers and unfortunately isn't the first time it's happened to us.  But this time it was one worth $1,400, was sold, and was only THREE days away from being slaughtered to turn into meat for a family friend and a little bit of cash in my dad's pocket. A loss.  She begin to talk about how they try to do everything right...they pay their tithing, go to church yada yada yada... but we concluded that crap just happens sometimes and that it can always be worse.  Standard answer.

This isn't a new concept, but bad things happen to good people everyday and the best thing we can do it learn from it.  Maybe there isn't anything my dad could have done to prevent that steer from dying yesterday, but you can better believe that he will have to work a little harder now at budgeting his animal money and figuring out what he's going to do to make up for that loss.  Whatever the case, we learn to pick up and move on.

Sometimes our problems seem like the end of the world when we are going through them, but I've been through way too many "UPs" that came along with all the "downs" to just throw in the towel because I know that everything will eventually get better and be OK.

I'm not going to sit here and get all deep and write about all the specific things I wish I had the courage to change/do with my life, but I will say that today, for the first time in a long time, I've realized how weak I really am.  That's not something I like to admit.  Like, at all.  In fact, I've always had some deep rooted self image issues that I won't get into BUT the one thing I've always loved about myself was that I always knew exactly what I stood for, what I believed in and rarely faltered.  Lately, Satan's figured out those very things that I used to love about myself and has been working really hard at trying to shake it....  He starts small, he is mean, and he is good at what he does.  

You're probably thinking that I'm a super bad person lately or something, and I don't think that's true.  I still go to church, I pray, I pay my tithing, and I'm a pretty loving person.  But Satan will do anything to make you feel like you are a bad person because he doesn't want you to be happy because he is unhappy.  Misery loves company and well... I'm pretty good company, so I get it.  But really...homeboy needs to lay off.

Here's where I wrap this madness up... (sorry if none of this makes sense but I'm writing this for myself anyways). I went to church today feeling pretty horrible and praying for some much needed peace and comfort...Instead I sat through church feeling even more horrible and weak.  humph. Who knew it was actually an answer to my prayer? ! :) 

I read this scripture:

Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their^aweakness. I ^bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my ^cgrace is sufficient for all men that ^dhumble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make ^eweak things become strong unto them.

I am grateful for my specific weaknesses and trials and this time Heavenly Father has given me to humble myself and prove myself and my love for Him.  I make mistakes everyday.  I am not perfect.  But I do love God more than I love Satan and his false depiction of what "happiness" really is.  I know what I need to do and that is to just work a little harder, have a little more courage, do a little better each day and have more faith.

Whatever you are going through (because I know I'm not the only one who is this hard on themselves or who is under personal attack), remember...we all have those days/weeks/months but we must Keep the Faith. Heavenly Father isn't going to let us do it alone if we are asking Him for help and trying.  

Back to the basics for this girl;) 

Signed--Almost 25 and still learning.