How is it already Wednesday?!

"Easy, easy, we don't need no camels in here."

-Sam to Kier about her pulling up her pants too high

SICK. I just about died laughing while Kier continued to pull her pants up higher.  

"{Gosh Dang it} Kiers10, Did you never watch the Disney Channel growing up?!"

-Nieko about Kier not knowing the BBMak song

We all had a tender moment singing "Until you're back here baby.... Miss you, Want you, Need you so.." and she couldn't join in.  We were sad. But really, what a great song.  This last summer it was one of the 69 cent songs on iTunes. We both bought it.  

"Oh no, your typical Provo Tool--wife beater, beanie, pic in the mirror kind of guy."

-Amy about a POF (plenty of fish) guy.

I haven't spent much time in UC or Provo really but I don't think you really have to spend a lot of time there to conjure up an imagine of the kind of DB she was talking about.  Honestly, you can find these guys everywhere.  It was just funny that she said "Provo Tool."  I think only people from Utah would understand the specific type of guy, though.  vomit.

"Let's act like rich folk and get bagels." -Cole *insert sarcasm/excitement*

"...Cole, you are the funniest boy." -Kier

There's something about Sundance that makes people around here think they are more hipster and classy than they probably really are on any other week of the year.  Don't get me wrong, there aren't too many things I love more than going to the movies so I enjoyed going and seeing the preview of "Jobs" starring the fab Ashton Kutcher (which I thought was great btw).  The problem was just some of the people.  Sure, go ahead, be "free living," don't shower, wear those non prescription nerd glasses that look like you jacked them from the Megaplex showing of Texas Chainsaw 3D and popped the lenses out and do what you want... that's cute and great.  But just be who you are EVERYDAY. Don't be a huge poser :) k?  omg another example--when girls who've never been on a farm in their entire life go and deck themselves out in western wear just to go to the rodeos in the summer. It weirds me out a little.

omg.  #rant.  Back to the comment above:

Cole was so funny^^.. Of course it was sarcasm because like I was trying to say before I went off, Sundance just has this "feel" to it, if that makes sense.  Whatever.  I don't get it. 

Kier's right.  Cole's a funny boy.

"What did you just say? Papaya, Papaya?"

-Cole

He really wasn't hearing right that day. Like, at all.  I don't remember exactly what I said but it had nothing to do with fruit.  Esp Papaya.  Like, what the? 

"I'm not reading your twits."

-Erin

Of course you can imagine my reaction when I looked up from the TWEET I was writing.  Twits? I seriously can not get over that.  Sure, not everyone's on Twitter but anyone who reads the news, owns a TV, and is American should know that you "tweet" not "twit." I suppose I will cut you some slack if you're over 50, but that's pushing it. This has come up a few times and quite frankly, I'm concerned. 

#Twitter #Fordays

"I didn't see you yawning did I?  Are you tired?"

-Random (older) guy at the gas pump opposite mine.

Gah!  Can someone please help me understand why I only turn the heads of creepy old dudes and mexicans? And why is it always when I'm driving or at the gas station?  It's a weird pattern that I'm realizing.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a random conversation and a friendly "hello" just as much as the next person but who asks someone if they are tired?  Can't you just say hello, comment on the weather or say "have a good night" if you have to say anything at all.  I just feel like asking someone that you've never seen before, if they are tired is a little odd.  This isn't all that he said to me.  And he kept looking over the gas pump all weird like. I was friendly back to him of course, but I just feel like whether I'm a sleepy girl or not is my own business.  I responded with something like "about that time" and quickly went on my way before he could keep the conversation going even more.  odd night at the Maverick.

"YOUuuuu must be her sister?! :)" 
-Random neighbor dude to me as I was dropping off a treat to the girl I'm suppose to be Visit Teach.
She wasn't at her apartment and homeboy was just kicking it outside of his neighboring apartment smoking a cig.  I decided I was just going to leave the treat outside of her door (hoping he wouldn't steal it.) I didn't think about his comment until I was back in my car and on my way home... you see, this girl Asian.  Actually, I'm not 100 % sure what she is, but she sure the heck isn't white.  Which I am.  100%.  The guy was either really confused or he smoking something a little stronger. meh.   

"You wanna know something else that's true about me?  I have small boobs."

-Mandy

At first I thought that I would keep this one anonymous but it's not like someone's boob size is really a secret, which, makes her comment even more hilarious.  Plus, I lived with her for a year and a half.  Boobs aren't a secret ESPECIALLY to the people you live with.

Boobs.  That reminds me of this one roommate we had my Sophomore year of college who honestly had THE largest natural boobs I've ever seen. (I say natural because we've all seen Big Ang--woof)  Her name was Emily. I don't remember a lot about living with her but I do remember those boobs (and that her mom was a Wiccan, but that's beside the point.) Emily would always lift her ta-tas up to her face and smell them.  I know.  It still makes me shiver to think about it to this day.  Why did she do that? Boob sweat, I guess.  Actually, I know that's why because she legit had boob DEODORANT that's she'd put on multiple times a day. She was a little different to say the least but we had so much fun laughing about her boob issues for that entire semester.  To her face, of course.  

Fact.  Boobs aren't a secret.  

Return of the VBS

Remember when I used to do what I liked to call Virtual B Slaps (VBS)?  Well, I used to do them all the time.  I think I even did a post a while back where I talked about how I wanted to stop doing them because I was trying to be "more loving" or something like that.  Don't get me wrong, I totally meant it back then, and I actually did a really good job of not doing them for quite a while [yay me].  But here's the thing...Sometimes texting about a situation to someone else, or posting on your FB as a way to give another person a "Virtual middle finger" doesn't make you feel better. After that, when you know that you can't say anything to someone's face because you aren't directly involved, then all you have left is to rant on your blog.  

Calling all amateurs -listen up.

Social Media Stalking 101.
Fact.  We're all guilty of FB stalking. It's not a big deal, really.  But if I can give you any tip at all, it's this--If you're going back more than a couple weeks of someone's crap...like searching through EVERY single picture/status that was posted over the last year, ESPECIALLY if you are in the picture, DON'T go in and "like" those pictures unless you want the person to know that you are thinking about them or that you're bored and stalking their life and what used to be.  I don't care if you dated them or not, actually.  It's weird. 

I know there are some relationships where you could get away with it but if you are an EX  bf/gf and you happen to still be "virtual friends" (for stalking purposes or you just didn't want things to get awkward by defriending and you), and you go ahead and do this ^, then you might as well call them up on the phone and confess that you're missing them and wanting to get back together... common sense right?

it's either that OR that you just want to start drama (especially if you know the new bf/gf.)

So that leads me to something else....The topic of BF/GF relationships in general.  I've never had a boy friend, that's not news, but either are the following things:

Jenn's Not-so-New guide on
Relationships and Not Being Stupid.
1-Commit to your decisions.
 If you break up with someone and things aren't really left on the best of terms, you have to MOVE on.  You can't decide a few months down the road (after the other person is in another relationship) that you took what you had for granted and long to have that back and silently start crap.  That's not fair.  YOU were the one who called it off.  Sorry, but you have to live with your decision.  Besides, chances are that person probably doesn't have the best of feelings for you anyways.  They've moved on so you might as well do yourself a favor and do the same.

Love is hard sometimes... So don't make it harder on yourself and long for something that will never be.  If you've tried, you've said the things you need to say, then it's over.  Move on. Either that, or just sit their and let your heart continue to break.  My advice is to find a hobby.  Find anything to keep yourself busy so people won't think you're pathetic. (harsh? maybe.  But you know you think that about other people sometimes.  Truth hurts.)

2-Tell the Truth. Always make sure you have your facts straight about what used to be.  If you're going to lie to someone else about a past or current relationship(s), you better be sure that it's not going to get back to that person.  How embarrassing for you, if you do this. We live in a world where people know more than they want to know about people they haven't seen in years. Why? Because everyone lays most of their crap out on FB/Twitter/Instagram.  Not everyone shares everything, but girls are the worst at it especially when it comes to relationships.  We know when you started dating, when you're fighting, when you broke it off...heck, we probably know what you both had for dinner the night before...so don't think that we didn't know how "serious" your last relationship was or that you're sad that the other person's moved on and you haven't.  We know.  People talk..so no sense in lying about it.

3-Don't be Jealous. Be Confident. 
When did every girl start being so jealous all the time?  SO, you aren't happy because you don't have a boy friend? Grow up. Pull yourself together.  You being in a relationship should not determine your happiness.  You get to decide if you are going to be happy when you wake up in the morning, that's the best part about agency.  You get to choose how to feel :)  It's fantastic! So if you can't find it in yourself to be happy, please don't go and try to get under other people's skin and make them unhappy just like you.  We could all do a little bit better at letting people be happy.  

4- Just say it! 
If you have something to say to someone and you know that it will help, you have to just say it.  You can do it in a kind way, but you won't feel better or less ticked off until you get it off your chest.  This one can be hard, I understand that... but if I sat back and didn't say what I thought/felt over the last 4 years, I would be a sad, lonely and pathetic girl.  We're too hard on ourselves sometimes.  We think that we are rude if we are calling people out and we don't want to be rude, but the way I see it is that I like to know the truth, so I would think other people would like to know as well.  We don't have to say it in a mean way, but sometimes people won't stop or fix something until they are called out on their BS.  Those people are usually wanting attention anyways.  So my rule is.. if it's truth and it will help someone (even if that person is you) then just say it!
Say it and carry on!  Just be sure your figure out what you're going to say before hand...

Let them know that you might not know the situation 100% but tell them how you see things and see what they come back with.  Maybe there isn't as big of a problem to begin with.  But if there is, at least you're giving them and yourself a chance to actually solve the problem instead of prolonging it and pretending there isn't a problem every time you see this person.  That's the only way a resolution can be made.  

It's like that one time a long while back when I heard that someone had a problem with me and was talking bad about me my BFF behind my back.  I had her number.  I called her up and simply said, "Do you have a problem with me?" Sure, she was caught off guard and lied about it but I gave her a chance to tell me what her problem was.  If there would have been something I did, I would have apologized and we could have moved on.  But in reality she was just a biotch.  BUT, the best part was that she knew that I wasn't going to let her do that to me.  Talk shiz for no reason, get called out. People prey on the weak. So don't be weak :) 

OK, so I guess lastly I need to address the "starting drama topic" real quick.  Some people might say that this post is starting drama (about someone who was intentionally trying to start drama) or that I'm getting my nose into other people's business.  But the thing is, when it comes to my family and my close friends i'm super loyal and I would do anything for them.  BUT, sometimes there are certain problems you can't solve for the people you love.  So this is just me venting ..on a PUBLIC blog, I might add.  I never mean to really hurt anyone or make them unhappy by anything I say or do but I know there are people in this world who are selfish and/or miserable and they prey on people who are happy.  Now that I really sit and think about it.. I feel bad for them because they truly put themselves in that situation.

My advice...get rid of toxic people/things in your life.  You don't need them.  At the end of the day, we are in control of our own happiness.  Decide what you are going to let bother you.  If you can't look over something and you find yourself wanting to junk punch someone.. use your words before you actually do the junk punching. (or at least capture that crap on video and put it on Youtube so I can watch. haha) We're all human and we all just want to be happy.  Whether we let stupid people of this world get under out skin, is up to us.

[wow.. I didn't think I'd come out of there learning something.  hmm. Basically over it and probably shouldn't even hit "publish" but I will anyways because how will I ever remember this lesson down the road.]

But still.  Goal for everyone for the week--Try to suck less. 

Wednesday

It's been brought to my attention that I haven't been doing the best job at posting lately.  Apparently a few people actually like reading what I have to say.  Who knew.  Well, I've decided to do a better job at posting for the next week.  We'll see how it goes... actually today probably wasn't a good day to start.  Meh.

"Yeah. I got the music in me."
-Nieko
First of all, I'm stupid for not writing down what we were talking about/doing when he said this.  I know we were just hanging out but I can just hear him saying it in my head.  It's funny mostly because he said it so matter-of-factly.. like *shrug shoulders* "it's whatever" kind of thing.  funny.

"Everyone can't be Snoop Dogg."
-Savanna talking about making a life for yourself while choosing a pot smoking life.
Our conversation that day was actually kind of serious...talking about some stupid HS drama and how we just don't understand what people are thinking when they decide that they are going to go past "experimenting" (not saying that I agree with that either) but that they are going to just try to breeze through the most crucial times of their lives stoned. That conversation turned comical when she mentioned Snoop Dogg.  (Or, Snoop Lion, if you will.  Don't get me started. smh) What a gem--Getting paid to be "awesome."  The point is, do what you want, BUT at least have some direction and a passion and make something of yourself.  I mean, he has music. wait, he's been in a lot of movies too? Actually. Scratch all of this. I'm not 100% sure what his main focus is these days and quite frankly he kind of weirds me out.

Or maybe I'm just secretly jealous that I didn't become famous for adding "-izzle" to everything?

Fo shizzle.
..turn it up a little.  Ok, sue me.  I like some of his stuff. DANG it.

"Isn't it so good though?!" -Alex 
"....the cake?" *insert the "eat your feelings"/depressed/sad face* 
-Yeah my name is written all over that one.
 He was really referring to the musical, "Next To Normal" that we were watching  at the time but it was intermission and we had snuck in a piece of Starbucks Lemon Cake, and since I'm a baby and the show really hit home with me, Yes...I only had the cake on my mind at that moment.  We got a good laugh out of it.  People starred.  It's whatever. #eatyourfeelings

"I'm going to go write your name in the snow."
-Chris
Yes.  He was talking about peeing my name in the snow, which, I found out later he actually started...until a car drove by.. We'll leave it at that.  smh. oh, my friends.

"I just....."
-Nieko talking to me as if I didn't JUST see what happened.
haha. Some days you can be all  "oh yeah, look at me, #winning" , and some days you suck. It's life. 
Oh yeah, and sometimes you want to poke your eyeballs out too. It's whatever. ;) xoxo

"I thought I was going to be the 'DANiconda' but I ended up being the 'DANgina.'"
-Dan from the TV show "Making Mr. Right."
hahaha. this guy on the show is SO weird which made the above comment even funnier to me.  Actually, the show is weird and I only watch it because it seems like it's going to be train wreck. 

"I thought it was just because I'm left handed."
-Sam talking about something that only a few people will understand.
Thank you Easton for educating us.. but especially the boys, who now know a little more about their bodies. smh.

"Kiers10, Jenn is going to put you on blast on her blog tomorrow." -Nieko
"What's blast?" -Kier
hahahhahahah.  Excuse me for a minute while I do just that:

"My baaaaaaaad."
-Kier while turning BEET red after asking Sam if he still had diarrhea...
 in FRONT of his little gf.
hahaha this was the best.  She was so embarrassed but I don't blame her.  I mean, I would too if I realized that I had just put my friend ON BLAST in front of someone he likes.  

Dear Kier, do you get it yet ? ;) If not, here's the LEGIT {Urban Dictionary} definition:

put on blast	302 up, 70 down
	to be called out for something; to have some information about you put out in the open in an embarrassing manner. Boy 1: Ayo, breathe easy on the insults! girl 1: Like the way you was BREATHING EASY and snoring 2 minutes after we first started sexing? Boy 2: AHAHAHAHAHA DAMNNNN SON YOU GOT PUT ON BLAST!! SHE LET ALL YOUR STUFF OUT IN THE OPEN!

I just have to say that if any of you ever think that I'm putting you on blast...don't be embarrassed. Just be grateful I don't say who I'm really referring too in all of my other posts :) #angel

Oh, and I'll leave you with my favorite "farewell" quote by Nieko right as he exited my apartment last night.

"Rest easy...until I break into your house and kill you."
hahaha. (Said to Kiers10 of course ;)) #nightmare.

Happy Wednesday, fools.

Gunk.

I'm just going to type.
List form?
OK.

1.) I'm not depressed.  I've been feeling like my posts have been super 'depressing' lately.  I don't mean for them to be that way and really, I'm not depressed.  I just have so much crap going on [like I know everyone does] right now so I've been having a lot more thoughts and so when that happens, I write them down more.  Geez, I really need to start writing more when I have positive and happy things to say. Anyways, I just want to let you know that I'm not depressed.  I'm going through a little bit of crap...From figuring out what I need to be doing next, to being disappointed with people I care about, all the way to finding out that a few of the dearest people in my life might be moving really far away from me for a while.  It's been a really hard week altogether but I love realizing how strong I really am.  It sounds kind of dumb but it's amazing how no matter what I go through, it really isn't anything that I can't handle with a little time, patience and prayer.  I still continue to get up every morning and live my life because I have some pretty great things to live for.  See--totally not depressed.  Just dealin' ;)

2.)  Although, I'm not depressed, I do find myself feeling a little tired.  I'm tired of caring so much about people's feelings and about their futures and what they are doing [or not doing] in their lives.  I'm tired of putting myself second.  And honestly, I'm working on doing better at this.  But the truth is that behind all of "THIS" that makes up who Jenn is as a person.. it's really just a while lot of heart.  I love my family and my close friends and at the end of the day I just want them to be smart and I just want them to be happy.  I think I might let my heart get too involved in certain people's lives. Loving certain people too much has kind of been my curse, but I suppose it's a good curse to have.

3.) I've realized that I am really good at being truthful with others and being super realistic with them but when it comes to myself, I kind of super suck at it.  Sometimes I flat out lie to myself and I don't mean too.  I think, "you'll be fine," "It's not a big deal to do this/say that," "You're just confusing your feelings ..you don't really.. you couldn't." I think this is an issue I've dealt with for a pretty long time.  You can call it poor confidence or whatever you want to call it but it doesn't change the fact that it's there.  I feel like I'm the smartest person when it comes to giving other people advice but, when it comes to myself....I'm lame.  Maybe that's how most people are?  We don't want to believe our inner most feelings sometimes because we know that if we hold it in then we can just keep life the same way it is and we don't have to worry about falling on our face even harder and getting hurt.  The crappy part of that plan is that we risk the chance of being happier and getting what our heart really wants.  It's rough, I know.

So the confession of the day is that when it comes to others, I'm a pretty honest and realistic person... but when it comes down to me?  I'm the worst liar.

I could sit here and tell you that the one thing you are thinking about right now, that thing that you haven't said out loud or admitted you want to do..that you should just go out and do it and see what happens.  But I can't do that because I'd be a hypocrite when it comes to just a couple of things.  But it doesn't have to be that way...haha.

baby steps.

4.) While talking to my mom yesterday morning on the phone she told me about how my dad starting talking to her about me the night before right out of the blue.  He expressed his concern for me and said, "she deserves better."  I just love my dad.  He's gotten soft in his older years but I love how much he loves his children even though we don't see him very often or really talk to him on the phone (mom relay's the messages) but I know how much he loves me.  I can't help but feel the love of my Heavenly Father through him.  Think about it.  If my earthy Father loves me this much, and I have so many other people who love me how much must my Heavenly Father love me?  A whole lot.  Enough to send me here to wonderful parents who raised me to know that things I know and to help get me to this exact moment in my life, having learned the lessons that I've learned, and met the people I've met and making me the person that I am.  I know that my Heavenly parents and Earthly parents want the best for me and I'm really trying to be the great person they see when they think about me.  I'm far from how great they think I am but my goal is to become that person.  And it's hard.  But it's nice to know that I have great people who are cheering for me and want the best for me.

5.)  Sometimes we do stupid things and get ourselves into stupid situations.  I, for example, do them all the time.  But as a goal, I'm going to try and not rehash them once the lesson is learned because I know that the only way that we can move forward and learn from our mistakes is when we leave them behind and let ourselves (and others) move on.  BUT, I've learned that if you don't change anything, no matter how small the change is, you'll find yourself back in the same situation again, repeating the cycle.  It's rough, believe me, I know.  I guess it's just figuring out what is worth it...

Actually, I'm just going to stop there.  I think that's really what it's all about.  All the things I've been thinking about lately and all the inner conflict I've been having, the question I've really needed to be asking myself is, "Is it worth it?"  Are people worth fighting for?  Will it really matter if I keep going down a certain path or do I need to make changes (big or small) so I can get to where I want to be?  Is what I say I'm fighting for really worth it?

WHAT are we fighting for?

true happiness, I suppose.

Sure, people will come and go, we'll find ourselves doing stupid things that might make us think we are "happy" for a little bit, or being jealous for reasons we have no control over, or so involved in other people's lives that we forget about our own...  We'll have things we want to say or do but we know we can't because it's not going to get us where we eventually want to be...or we can keep lying to ourselves saying that if we keep going the way we are going that things will be "fine," ..but is "fine" good enough?

We have to remember what we are capable of and what we REALLY want out of life.
If you've forgotten what that is, search for it.

Figure it out and ....
Keep fighting.

The Truth about Trust.

The truth is...just because someone says they love you, it doesn't mean they won't hurt you or lie to you at some point in your life.  It happens to people all the time and I never really understood it at all.  

But why does it hurt so much more when it comes from the people we love the most? The only thing I've been able to come up with yet is that it's because we love them so much and think so highly of them that we become disappointed in them--shocked, even. 

Simply stated: it hurts more because we love them more.  

I just think it's funny that at 25 I'm just barely starting to grasp this concept.  But I'm learning more and more everyday.

Like, I've learned that we don't know exactly what some people are going through.  So maybe you got burned by someone you love...It's easy to wash your hands clean of people who you don't care about as much.  I guess I kind of get why people keep going back to Ex's in some of these TV shows I've been watching.  Because, even though someone did wrong by them..they love that person so much that they have to give them another chance. 

Sure, it's easy to lose trust, and harder to gain it back... but the best part is that it CAN be earned back.  I'm not saying that it will be easy, but you just have to start admitting to the "why's," ask for help and forgiveness, and realize that lying won't get you ANYWHERE in the end.  

I firmly believe that people deserve a second chance to be understood. So, no matter which side of it you are on..don't give up on people you love, but don't go handing out your trust for free.

------But when it comes to me...all I need is for you to tell me why and to help me understand and I promise I won't give up on you...because I love you :) 

I'm glad I got to be in High School before everyone and their grandma had Facebook, Smart phones and Unlimited texting.

{I understand that the post title makes me sound old and I'm OK with that.}

I got my first cell phone during the last half of freshman year.  But guess what.. not many people my age had one.  It was basically for calling my mom to let her know that I was done with Softball practice, for other emergencies, and for looking "cool." I guess it was kind of cool then but we'd totally laugh now.  I mean, if you think black and white screen (not even a flip phone yet) with polyphonic ring tones is cool, then that's what I was. Oh but let's not overlook that it had this really sweet Lion pixel graphic that would come up on the screen; It was awesome. 

Technology was starting to rock our socks and I was right there to witness it all.  Ok, so that was back in 2003 when I remember having to pay 10 cents for each text.  Sooo...we didn't really text yet.  In fact, I don't really remember texting a lot in High School anyways.  Maybe just toward the end of it a little? Like, senior year. whatever.  I do know that it wasn't our main form of communication like it is now. But oh, do I remember Myspace.  ... Myspace was cool.

Other things I remember:
-Getting my Facebook in 2006 and thinking it wasn't as cool as Myspace because 1-I couldn't have my top 8 friends (don't lie, that was a big deal) and 2-No more designing my profile background page? LAAAAAME.
-T9 was the shiz and you know it.
-You didn't have to text people for everything.  You made solid plans with people in person...or you called them.  Sounds like a nightmare to some people now.

 I could go on.  It sounds weird, but in a lot of ways, things were easier back then.  Don't get me wrong, I love FB, Twitter, Texting, iMessage, Instagram ect.. (omg see what I mean so many different mediums) and they are great tools to help you stay connected with people and so much more.  But the sad part is how addicted we ALL are to it. I'll be honest...I probably couldn't even go on a 2 day Social Network Fast without feeling disconnected.  #Socialnetworkjunkie

My point of writing all of this stuff down is so I remember years down the road, of course, but also because I can't get over how much it's changed people and the way we live.   Not only has it changed our relationships with people and the way that we communicate... but the thing that bothers me a lot right now is how it's completely changed the High School experience for these teenagers. 

Most teens are brats... 
{Let's ignore the fact that I sound old again.}

I mentioned in this week's Wednesday post about a mom who Jamie wanted to "punch in the Lady Balls," right?  Well this is all stemming from that and similar stories.  See, I have friends who have siblings in HS still, and I have a niece who's a Junior so I hear new drama every week, I swear. This week's dramatics weren't even the worst but I have to kind of chuckle at it because it's so crazy and so typical of these days.  This week it was Regan being accused of "keying" her ex boyfriends car (of course it was a couple of mom's  getting involved and blowing it up even though Regan promises she didn't do it and she knows who did it. Throw in some pot stirring and flat out lying and you basically get the sum of it) but other times it's "So-and-so calling 'what's her whore-butt' super nasty names on Facebook" or "That one 'hussy' spreading flat out LIES (starting on facebook and texts I'm sure) about the head cheerleader having sex with her Mormon boyfriend.." 

 I could go on and on about how kids have changed. And I don't really blame them.  I just feel bad for them because of how much more dramatic things have become now and for all the distractions that keep them from being "a kid" in HS. Sure, high school was rough for us too in High School 6-7 years ago but not like this.  Stuff like this didn't happen.  Sure, we were dramatic, there were random hook ups, a few girl fights in the parking lot and the occasional "lover's spat" in the hallway... And yes, we talked about people behind their backs... but we didn't have all the resources that these kids have now.  They text about it, post it on their status and are even ballsy enough to TAG people on FB to call them out; I've seen it! Ugh. And the girls are the worst. And all of it is even more intensified because they can see stuff that everyone posts and then they can talk about people even more because nothing is private anymore.
.... Sure we had a few bullies in HS but not like this.  Kids have become worse liars and deliberately start more rumors about people just because they are jealous or bored or something. It's pathetic how good they are at it too. I've even seen it come home with them...lying more to their parents then I ever felt I needed too. I kid you not, though, back then when you heard that so-and-so had Chlamydia it was because she REALLY had Chlamydia and people really didn't question it because they were hanging out at the same party where the little disease spreader and her hooked up or you had a reliable source who told you to your face. Yep--Real life Witnesses because we were out "LIVING" not hiding behind phones and computer screens like we do now.  ey-yi-yi

There was a time when we used to have no other choice but to say things to people in person...it just makes me sad sometimes is all because we've forgotten all about that time.  I mean, I even have to post about it now because it seems so long ago.  But what was normal 6 years ago, isn't the normal thing now.  I guess the thing that scares me the most is that I see my 28 year old sister who has to deal with all this as a (Step) Parent and I can't even imagine what it will be like when I have kids. {a NIGHTMARE, that's what}... Jamie and I just didn't have to deal with stuff they way they have to now so it's been interesting to watch her dive into being the parent to a teen... 

Things are just so different and they are only going to keep changing.  Technology rocks if you use it appropriately.. and there are things I know I need to work on for sure. But we can decide how we let it change us as a person and how it changes our lives and relationships.  And heck, I better figure that out for myself before I ever bring a kid into this crazy world, I'll tell you that one....Either that, or I'll just have to find a good shrink ;)

Something for everyone to think about but ESPECIALLY for some of these teens... 
1.)Learn how to say things to people's faces! 
2.) Eliminate some drama by going directly to the source when you have a problem.
3.) You're not as cool as Facebook makes you seem  #sorrynotsorry 
4.) Find out who your REAL friends are.
5.) Stop lying or trying to ruin people's lives...It's annoying.  If you do that on a regular basis (you know who you are)..TBH: I doubt any of your "friends" really like you, and if they claim that they do now...They will end up not trusting you in the end.  #fact. 

ok. I'm done.

Wednesday!

I'm not even going to explain to you why I've missed my Wednesday post for the last two weeks.. It's Whatever.  Here are some from this week and a couple randoms from the last couple of weeks.

"Say 'I love you, Auntie'." -Mom
"Ey Bubey." -Mason's instant reply
hahaha. omg. I love him.  He's talking so much more now and it seriously makes my day, everyday!..even when it's thinks like ^ that and I can't understand him.  He loves his Auntie though and FINALLY knows that's who I am.  He'll see me on FaceTime and say "AUNTIE" and, not to brag, but he kind of knows my voice too.. Either that or I'm the only one who calls his Mamma and Memaw and asks to talk to him on the phone.  Whatever, I'll take it.

"Don't shake the baby! I saw it on TV."
-4 year old Jaden
This kid is so funny.  He's my step cousin's little boy.  I only see him every Thanksgiving or Christmas and he's seriously the friendliest, hyper, most talkative chubby kid I've ever met.  It's comical.  For the longest time I wondered why he was so smart, but I think it's because he probably watches WAY to much TV.  Kids are just funny.  But when we were holding Mason, he thought we were shaking him.. not the case.  But he yelled it and was so frustrated because he knew that you were NOT supposed to shake a baby.  Not sure what they let him watch, but I know that wasn't learned on PBS.  hmmm.. parenting.

"Great, first swear of the New Year!"
-Kier
Never mind that it happened not even two minutes into the New Year and was followed with a "Well, there goes that resolution."..But it was all for a semi-good reason. Fireworks were involved.  Gist of the story...we about DIED when a Mortar didn't go off in the tube like it was supposed too and we were just a few feet away from it. nbd... Idiots:) haha but we heard it happen and Easton, Sam and I just looked at each other.. a little swear came out and we BOOKED it toward the house , into the snow right as it was about to explode.  Kier just stood there and turned around because she didn't know what was going on.  Firework Nube.  hahaha some resolutions just don't work out for some people... we've accepted that.

"I stabbed my Ex Boyfriend in front of his mother; it was horrible."
-A women named "Love" on Mob Wives
Hahaha just when you think they can't find anyone else that could match the craziness of some of the women on this show... they introduce someone named LOVE and she springs that on us.  We haven't really seen any action with her yet (we're only one episode into the season) but who does that?  And the best part was that she acted like it was no big deal. Even though she said it was horrible she had this "meh. whatever" tone.  haha stabbing people... being named 'Love'? #Comical. #dontmesswithmobwives

"Let's go to war."
-Nieko in a text convo we had after watching the new episode of Mob Wives.
Here's the thing about us.. we love Mob Wives.  Sure, we know it's trash and the people on the show are legit crazy town, but it is GOOD Entertainment.  The only problem is that every time we watch it we feel a little more Bad A than we really are and want to get in verbal wars and kind of want to get in a physical fight a little... The rage isn't that big of a deal and only lasts for an hour until we realize who we really are and I'm like "yeah, me? Fighting? BAHAHAHA." Then we repeat that..once a week.  

It's whatever.

"I hide money from the Ex wife.. that way I don't have to pay for her doobie habit."
-Random guy at Little Ceasars.
First off, do you know how busy that place is on Monday nights? omg. MAD HOUSE.  Classy people too.  But I had to go pick up an embarrassing amount of pizza for FHE on Monday night and as I waited, I enjoyed listening to some of the people's conversations.  I know it's bad but I like hearing about people who talk like this because it reminds me of how "normal" my life really is... sad truth.

"So do you have to go to the "downstairs" doctor?" -me
"...Where's that?" -Erin, RS President
This is where you insert my uncontrollable laughter because I knew that she was serious.  We had even been talking about things that would clearly lead me to believe that she'd have to go to such a doctor.  She didn't get it.  She really didn't know where "the doctor who has his office in a basement" was located.  That's REALLY what she thought.  Then I un-creepily pointed to what the downstairs is on a person.  I didn't know people didn't know that reference.  But honestly, anything goes at a singles ward.  I love it.  And really, I love her.  She's so funny and just a good soul... I better keep my distance.  JK haha but really, DOWNSTAIRS?  omg. smh.  I cannot.

"I seriously want to kick her in the crotch...Right in the Lady balls."
-The sister 
This was basically in reference to all mom's who think they are still in High School and start more drama than their kids do.  More to come on that story in a later post.  Really though.. This one mom does have some "balls" and she deserves to be kicked.  Hard.

Sorry for that gross mental image... K, LOVEYA,MEANIT,BYEEEEEEEEE! :)

Trying to make my heart and head agree.

It's been awhile since I've given myself some time to sit down and actually think.  It sounds stupid but most of my time is spent living in this alternate universe where I'm reading other people's status updates, working, gossiping, watching "reality TV" (or other stupid shows that I hate to love) and being totally invested in other people's lives and what they think and how they feel...but not many of those things that occupy all my time really give me a second to think about how JENN feels or what JENN thinks about a situation.  Please tell me I'm not the only one who's life is like this?

Maybe I've just given myself TOO much time to think for once? :/

Well, this last week I've kind of separated myself from a lot of things just because I've been tired of it all and was trying to get over a cold.  But in the process of doing that, some weird things happened..I had some thoughts.  Like real, "oh Jenn, please say it isn't so," straight from the heart/head thoughts and feelings.  It's strange, but it's actually made me feel more alive than I have for a while now.  I might not like all of the feelings/thoughts I've been having BUT the thoughts are actually about ME and how I really feel.  Not about so and so's relationship or his woe's and her stupidity... It's was a nice change.

We do that to ourselves a lot, don't we?  We get caught up in other people's lives that we forget to REALLY live our own and we just end up going through the motions, not getting anywhere.  I've realized (and it's probably already obvious to a lot of people around me) that I've forgotten about taking care of myself and forgotten how to take risks and to LIVE because it's easier not to care.

People all around me are changing and moving on and I'm realizing that if I want to make changes for myself that I have to actually care a little more about my own life and try a little harder.  There are some things I know I need to change/get rid of, but it's hard because my heart tells me one thing and my head tells me another.  Example? umm... It's like Junk food.  Even though I love it..I know it's not good for me, I hate the way it eventually makes me feel, and I hate that I crave it.  Of course I'm not only talking about junk food (don't worry mom, I'm not talking about anything that would make me unworthy to go to the temple) but that's the best way I can explain it.  

Simply stated: We all have weaknesses and those things that we hate to love and things that get in the way of us doing what we know we need to do. We get side tracked sometimes and I've realized that it's OK and that it's never too late to turn it around.  But the sucky part of it all is that we can't just notice that a change needs to be made...We have to do something about it, and that's not always easy.

....we just have to remember why we are doing what we are doing and hope that we are strong enough to do it.

Good thing we don't have to do it alone :)

Happy New Year!!

I haven't posted for a little while, but I'm being honest when I say that not a whole lot has happened in the last few days.  My life isn't THAT exciting, you know :)

But you know what is exciting?  New Years.  I've decided that I love the Holiday.  There is just something about having a day where we collectively decide that we get a "fresh start" and a day to decide to make goals (once again) to become better than we were in the previous year.. If you had a crappy 2012 you can reflect on all of the things you went through and what you learned and you get to try to move on!  It's just filled with so much positive energy and I love it. :)

Last year, around this time, I couldn't get over all the things that had happened to me and things I did; I had so much fun, met some great people and changed a lot.  This year, as I was trying to think about "the best and worst thing that happened to me in 2012," I really couldn't come up with much. Nothing really exciting at least... and that made me a little sad.

But as I went through today (don't judge..I know I'm writing this at 3 AM on New Year's day.. but to me it's still NYE)..anyways, I decided that I wasn't going to let any of that bother me.  I've been in a funk, and rightfully so I think.  I've been so stressed out the last few months with multiple things but especially as I've watched my brother go through a pretty rough patch that it's just seemed like so many things had gone wrong and I just can't seem to catch a break.

.. BUT on my late night drive home from celebrating the New Year I just had this overwhelming feeling that it's OK that nothing "huge" happened to me this year.  Sometimes we just set really high expectations for what our life should be like...usually based on what the world says is "success" or "happiness".  And quite frankly, it's all a bunch of bull.  I might not have the most interesting job, make the most money, have a boy friend or even gone on a date last year (minus that one blind date), and heck, I might not even know where I see myself in the next 5 years or in 4 months for that matter... But I'm happy and I'm just trying to take things one step at a time.

I will just say that in 2012 I might not have made all of the best choices, and I'm working on that but just because you get older, it doesn't mean that choices get easier.  Satan's been throwing some interesting things at me lately and my brain is just trying to work through it all.  But honestly, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for the people and support I've had through this last year...Especially for my Family.   As our family has gotten bigger, and we've gotten older, our love and support for each other has grown even more; It's amazing.  Watching that all grow has been a highlight of 2012 for sure.

So for my goals for the New Year, they are to 1) Learn to trust my gut. 2.) Start making healthier choices than I did in 2012...even if it's small.  ie--Get to bed a little earlier (I'll start tomorrow ;)), eat a little better, exercise a little more. [after this crappy year, it shouldn't be too hard] and 3)...Make Time.  This is my main goal.  I think my biggest problem this year has been letting unimportant things get in the way of things that are truly important.  ie--scripture reading/prayer before I check my insta, FB and twitter...also, making more time for people who are important to me and making more time for myself and figuring out what I want for ME.

It's simple really.  I'm just glad I was able to ring in the New Year with Easton, Sam, Cole and Kiersten.  It was the most chill New Years Eve ever.  We each picked what we would want for our last meal in 2012 (Kier and I got Chinese, the boys got Pizza from the Pie) we took it to Easton's and watched the special NYE festivities on MTV, we lit fireworks, we killed zombies, we drove around..a lot..ran into some old friends, almost died from a few fireworks...and just laughed and had a good time. I can't remember a more chill NYE filled without expecations and just a fun activity that I didn't have to plan at all.  MIRACLE.

All in all I think it was a perfect way to ring in 2013...Chill and with great friends.
I feel some big changes this year and I've decided that I'm OK with that.

Dear 2013....Let's see what you got!
Come at me, bro.

Christmas 2012

It seems like Christmas and December just flew by! I can't believe that it's already over and we are back in Utah again.  I mean it...I kept telling everyone while I was home that it just didn't feel like Christmas which, of course, resulted in me being called a Grinch a couple times.  I don't know if it was because we didn't get snow until the evening OF Christmas in Idaho or what it was, but I just couldn't really get into it the way I normally do.  You know.. that FEELING of Christmas and how magical it is, that's the thing I look forward too every year, but for some reason my heart just wasn't having it.  I don't know if that sounds bad or makes any sense.  I was talking to Grandma Hansen about it on Christmas Eve and she just said that as you get older, time just seems to go by faster and it's true.  Anyways, moving on.

Minus the magical feeling and all that "stuff" that really isn't that important..It really was a great Christmas!  Cole and I were able to be home for 5 and 1/2 days and were able to spend time with Mom, Dad, Jamie, James, Regan, Mason, Grandma Hansen and even some of our other Family members and some of my Best Friends who I don't get to see very often.  That's honestly my favorite thing about Christmas... Well, first Celebrating the birth of our Savior (duh!) but just spending time with the people you love. 

Of course there was shopping, watching movies, playing games eating, Coloring and playing with Mason (A LOT), opening gifts...did I say eating? [OMG, no wonder why we do New Year's resolutions... from all the JUNK that is shoved in our face over Christmas. ew. nightmare... but so good.] But here are some of my Highlights:

1-Dad made me do a solo run of making Grandma Hansen's stuffing this year.  Now, you might think "Whoop-dee-doo." BUT..it's kind of a big deal.  Grandma makes her stuffing from scratch and ever since I can remember.. the stuffing has always been the biggest hit at dinner.  We all love it!  Growing up I would always have to go over to Grandma's and Grandpa's on Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve to help her with the stuffing.  You'd think after 15+ years, I would have it down.. But I just always had grandma's help.  [more like, I was the helper, but you get what I mean.]  Don't worry... I killed it on the solo run!  It was delish.  It's kind of just nice to know that once grandma is gone [and I hope that is never but...you know what I mean] that I will be able to pass on that tradition.  That is one of the main bonds I have with my grandma...Cooking! And it's something that none of the other grand kids have so, I feel pretty special!

2-Mason.  That's a given. He turned 18 months on Christmas eve and he is just so much fun right now.  He's in a coloring phase and it's super cute.  At first he was saying "Todo" and I didn't know what he was saying but came to find out he was saying Color..and he kept saying that all week.  He loves to color and I love coloring with him.  The best part? He's totally going to be a lefty like his Auntie.  {well, and his sissy and daddy.. but whatever.}  He also is starting to say Auntie more!  James called me today to let me know that he was changing Mason's diaper and Mason was NOT happy about it.. he was calling out for people to come and rescue him and he called out "AUNTIE!" in his cute little whiny voice.  James was right.. that made my day.  UGH I just love him to pieces.  Christmas with kids is way more fun too.  I mean, they get so many fun toys!!  But my favorite thing right now with Mason is that he likes to copy things that you say/do.  One of the nights we were there, Cole ordered pizza and I looked at mason and screamed "PIZZZAAAAAA" in a deep weird voice and he totally copied me.  Best. thing.ever.  Well, that and he always says "Hi Buddy" and I love that too.  And his kisses and hugs.. haha ok, I'll stop now.

                                               

3- I love that Mom still makes sure that us kids have a fun Christmas even now that we are grown up.  She still tries to get us fun surprises and still makes sure she waits to fill our stockings while we are asleep.  It's the best.  Oh, and she even got me one of the new Furby's because of this ongoing joke we have from the reaction I had to the last furby I got.  For the record--I was only THAT excited back then because mom said that Santa might not be able to bring my one that year because EVERY kid wanted one.  Well... Two furby's for me=LUCKY..  Don't worry, they are just as annoying as they were back then; it's a good time.

4- Even though my dad had to go to work quite a bit while we were home, I just can't help but be overwhelmed with love and appreciation for my father.  As I get older, and every time I get home it just gets bigger and bigger.  Maybe it's because he's gotten super softy ever since Mason was born, but I just can't help but get emotional when I think about all that he does for his family.  He might not like his job all the time and he might not make a MILLION dollars doing it, but he and mom always make sure we have the things that we need and MORE.   I love them for that.  

5- Les Miserables on Christmas night. omg.  Sure, we made cole come with us and he couldn't get over how long it was but I was fully invested in it.  So good!

6- On Sunday night I was able to spend time with my second Family--The Blaylocks as well as Megan and her Husband Benn and Julene.  Honestly, I miss them when I'm not with them.  It's funny to think that I have a special connection with all those blaylock kid's!  Even though I don't get to see them very often, it's easy to pick right up and always have a blast--That's how Besties work :)  I just love them and their cute little families!

Ok, I just realized that this could go on and on forever.  I just wanted to make sure I jotted down that, although it didn't feel like it normally does, and we watched all of the Mighty Ducks movies instead of Christmas movies this year... It was a great Christmas spent with people I love!! 

We made it home safely in the snow and I immediately took all the Christmas stuff down. Now it's time to curse the snow, exchange a few Christmas gifts..probably go tanning...AND celebrate the New Year!  Can you believe it's already been a year since we celebrated the beginning of 2012? omg.  Yeah, I'm just going to chalk it up to getting old, like grandma Hansen said.