Return of the VBS

Remember when I used to do what I liked to call Virtual B Slaps (VBS)?  Well, I used to do them all the time.  I think I even did a post a while back where I talked about how I wanted to stop doing them because I was trying to be "more loving" or something like that.  Don't get me wrong, I totally meant it back then, and I actually did a really good job of not doing them for quite a while [yay me].  But here's the thing...Sometimes texting about a situation to someone else, or posting on your FB as a way to give another person a "Virtual middle finger" doesn't make you feel better. After that, when you know that you can't say anything to someone's face because you aren't directly involved, then all you have left is to rant on your blog.  

Calling all amateurs -listen up.

Social Media Stalking 101.
Fact.  We're all guilty of FB stalking. It's not a big deal, really.  But if I can give you any tip at all, it's this--If you're going back more than a couple weeks of someone's crap...like searching through EVERY single picture/status that was posted over the last year, ESPECIALLY if you are in the picture, DON'T go in and "like" those pictures unless you want the person to know that you are thinking about them or that you're bored and stalking their life and what used to be.  I don't care if you dated them or not, actually.  It's weird. 

I know there are some relationships where you could get away with it but if you are an EX  bf/gf and you happen to still be "virtual friends" (for stalking purposes or you just didn't want things to get awkward by defriending and you), and you go ahead and do this ^, then you might as well call them up on the phone and confess that you're missing them and wanting to get back together... common sense right?

it's either that OR that you just want to start drama (especially if you know the new bf/gf.)

So that leads me to something else....The topic of BF/GF relationships in general.  I've never had a boy friend, that's not news, but either are the following things:

Jenn's Not-so-New guide on
Relationships and Not Being Stupid.
1-Commit to your decisions.
 If you break up with someone and things aren't really left on the best of terms, you have to MOVE on.  You can't decide a few months down the road (after the other person is in another relationship) that you took what you had for granted and long to have that back and silently start crap.  That's not fair.  YOU were the one who called it off.  Sorry, but you have to live with your decision.  Besides, chances are that person probably doesn't have the best of feelings for you anyways.  They've moved on so you might as well do yourself a favor and do the same.

Love is hard sometimes... So don't make it harder on yourself and long for something that will never be.  If you've tried, you've said the things you need to say, then it's over.  Move on. Either that, or just sit their and let your heart continue to break.  My advice is to find a hobby.  Find anything to keep yourself busy so people won't think you're pathetic. (harsh? maybe.  But you know you think that about other people sometimes.  Truth hurts.)

2-Tell the Truth. Always make sure you have your facts straight about what used to be.  If you're going to lie to someone else about a past or current relationship(s), you better be sure that it's not going to get back to that person.  How embarrassing for you, if you do this. We live in a world where people know more than they want to know about people they haven't seen in years. Why? Because everyone lays most of their crap out on FB/Twitter/Instagram.  Not everyone shares everything, but girls are the worst at it especially when it comes to relationships.  We know when you started dating, when you're fighting, when you broke it off...heck, we probably know what you both had for dinner the night before...so don't think that we didn't know how "serious" your last relationship was or that you're sad that the other person's moved on and you haven't.  We know.  People talk..so no sense in lying about it.

3-Don't be Jealous. Be Confident. 
When did every girl start being so jealous all the time?  SO, you aren't happy because you don't have a boy friend? Grow up. Pull yourself together.  You being in a relationship should not determine your happiness.  You get to decide if you are going to be happy when you wake up in the morning, that's the best part about agency.  You get to choose how to feel :)  It's fantastic! So if you can't find it in yourself to be happy, please don't go and try to get under other people's skin and make them unhappy just like you.  We could all do a little bit better at letting people be happy.  

4- Just say it! 
If you have something to say to someone and you know that it will help, you have to just say it.  You can do it in a kind way, but you won't feel better or less ticked off until you get it off your chest.  This one can be hard, I understand that... but if I sat back and didn't say what I thought/felt over the last 4 years, I would be a sad, lonely and pathetic girl.  We're too hard on ourselves sometimes.  We think that we are rude if we are calling people out and we don't want to be rude, but the way I see it is that I like to know the truth, so I would think other people would like to know as well.  We don't have to say it in a mean way, but sometimes people won't stop or fix something until they are called out on their BS.  Those people are usually wanting attention anyways.  So my rule is.. if it's truth and it will help someone (even if that person is you) then just say it!
Say it and carry on!  Just be sure your figure out what you're going to say before hand...

Let them know that you might not know the situation 100% but tell them how you see things and see what they come back with.  Maybe there isn't as big of a problem to begin with.  But if there is, at least you're giving them and yourself a chance to actually solve the problem instead of prolonging it and pretending there isn't a problem every time you see this person.  That's the only way a resolution can be made.  

It's like that one time a long while back when I heard that someone had a problem with me and was talking bad about me my BFF behind my back.  I had her number.  I called her up and simply said, "Do you have a problem with me?" Sure, she was caught off guard and lied about it but I gave her a chance to tell me what her problem was.  If there would have been something I did, I would have apologized and we could have moved on.  But in reality she was just a biotch.  BUT, the best part was that she knew that I wasn't going to let her do that to me.  Talk shiz for no reason, get called out. People prey on the weak. So don't be weak :) 

OK, so I guess lastly I need to address the "starting drama topic" real quick.  Some people might say that this post is starting drama (about someone who was intentionally trying to start drama) or that I'm getting my nose into other people's business.  But the thing is, when it comes to my family and my close friends i'm super loyal and I would do anything for them.  BUT, sometimes there are certain problems you can't solve for the people you love.  So this is just me venting ..on a PUBLIC blog, I might add.  I never mean to really hurt anyone or make them unhappy by anything I say or do but I know there are people in this world who are selfish and/or miserable and they prey on people who are happy.  Now that I really sit and think about it.. I feel bad for them because they truly put themselves in that situation.

My advice...get rid of toxic people/things in your life.  You don't need them.  At the end of the day, we are in control of our own happiness.  Decide what you are going to let bother you.  If you can't look over something and you find yourself wanting to junk punch someone.. use your words before you actually do the junk punching. (or at least capture that crap on video and put it on Youtube so I can watch. haha) We're all human and we all just want to be happy.  Whether we let stupid people of this world get under out skin, is up to us.

[wow.. I didn't think I'd come out of there learning something.  hmm. Basically over it and probably shouldn't even hit "publish" but I will anyways because how will I ever remember this lesson down the road.]

But still.  Goal for everyone for the week--Try to suck less.