BABIES.

Remember how I posted in my New Year's post that 2013 was going to be a big year?  Boy, was I right.  It wasn't very long ago that I received a phone call from my high school BFF, McKenzie, letting me know she was pregnant!  I was so excited.  Jealous a little of course because now she's not only TWO steps ahead of me (you know, the man being the first step) but now to have a baby on the way? Just crazy!  But mostly I'm just SO excited to meet that cute baby in September.  Because, we all know that baby will be precious.

The fun didn't stop when the next day I learned that I was one two pee sticks away from finding out that my bestie Savanna was pregnant too. Yes, we were totally texting while she waited for the test to work so she could go out and tell B that they were having a baby.  It was a precious moment.  Anyways, baby Taylor is coming the next month in October.  Favorite month, favorite people, adorable baby (But like seriously, that kid is going to have the darkest, best skin.  for real.)  Yes, yes and yes!

But really... My other best friends growing up are also having babies this year.  Kelli in May and Megan in July.  It's one thing to watch your friends get married to the loves of their lives but it's even better to watch them start their families and be all...old and stuff.  Hahaha.  It's fun. So many babies this year!

Now we just need to find out what Kenzington and SavyB are having because, guess what? Someone got a sewing machine for Easter.  So yeah, I'll totally be that single friend who gets major points for being alone and awesome and sewing cute things for these babies.  People will be all "omg, you're the cutest." and I'll be like. "ohh.. it's nothing" but deep down I'll be like, "I made that shiz, I MADE that!" yeah, that's about how it will go down.  I better start practicing and remembering the Gma Hansen sewing skills.

Gotta "wow" the people somehow, I suppose.  You know, since my uterus doesn't have a baby in it like everyone else this year;)

But  really, I'm so excited for them and can hardly wait to meet those babes!!
Official Congrats to the Andrus' and the Taylors :) 

Easter.

We've all had moments where something happens and we know that our lives will never be the same.  I love these moments.  Sure, everything  we do plays a part in our future and the person we become, I really do believe that.  BUT, I'm talking about those few moments in life where something happens and you know, right then and there, that you will never be the same.

It's those moments where you meet someone new, you have a special bonding moment with a person you care about, you're introduced to a new way of thinking, or even those moments spent saying goodbye to someone you care about or when you finally decide to forgive and let go of  something that was once painful... No matter the case, my favorite part about these moments (even though some are sad and hard to get through) is the strength and positive energy that comes from them in the end. 

I had one of these moments yesterday. 

Anyone who really knows me understands that I talk to my mother at LEAST 2 times a day.  And you guys, that's low ballin.  I would say my average is 3-4.  Anyways, since I moved out at 18, that's just been the way  it's been.  Mom would then, of course, tell dad what was up.  That's just how it went.  It wasn't that I didn't love my father, we just don't really talk on the phone.  But I always knew that he knew what my mom knew. I guess you can say that there is a difference in the relationship I have with my mom and dad.  I don't love my dad any less than I love my mother, I just talk to her more.. you get the point. 

Ever since my parents have been empty-nesters and especially since Mason was born (almost 2 years ago) I've noticed that my dad has gotten softer and I.love.it.  I still don't talk to him on the phone a ton but we FaceTime occasionally and we do more things together when we visit.  It's funny.

This weekend Mom and Dad came down just to hang out for Easter weekend.  Dad cooked for us, played cards with us, went to the movies, played basketball, wanted to go Bowling.... it was just the best weekend.  We ate a lot of crap, which I regret but it was just so much fun.

Sunday before my parents left I asked my Dad if he would give me a blessing.  I didn't want to ask him but I've been really struggling with some things lately and I just knew that I needed to swallow my pride and finally ask. (plus, it's better than asking your 19 year old home teacher who would have no clue what you're going through.. right)  Well, I'm pretty sure I cried the rest of the morning.  But it was good.  I was able to open up to my father about things that I haven't said out loud to anyone before.  I talked about my worries, my temptations, my struggles, my heartaches.. all of it.  And while it was all happening, I had one of those "moments."  

Now, I've only seen my dad REALLY cry a few times... but "the moment" happened as he started to cry and tell me about his love for the gospel and for his children and how he thinks about us all the time and worries about me and wants the best for me.  I won't go into deep details about what was said because it was such a sweet moment but I know that I will never forget it.  My love for him grew even more.  I didn't think that was possible.

I know that my dad (and mom) are concerned for me and that they love their children so much.  I'm not a parent so I can't even understand how hard it must be to see a child struggle but I am so grateful for them.  It couldn't have happened on a better day, actually, because I was able to really compare and reflect on my relationship with my Heavenly Father and how he must have felt when His son came to Earth and suffered every pain, temptation, heartache and trial that exists.  Even in those weak moments where we think we are alone, we aren't.  Not only do we have the love and support of an earthly family and friends, but we have a Savior who has been EXACTLY where we've been and felt exactly how we've felt.  

I love Easter and the time we get to spend with family and reflect on the Savior and all of the blessings we really do have.  

I'm sure these moments happen all the time, I'm just not sure if we're always paying attention...

______

Other wise/simple words from Tracy:

"Don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing just a good as everyone else."
"If you don't want to do something, don't do it. (vice versa)"

I haven't felt more at peace with certain things for a long time... I have my Father(s) to thank for that :) 

Today is a good day. Plus, i'm pretty sure all of the crying yesterday morning gave my skin this weird glow.  Maybe it's the new BB Cream.  Whatever.  I'm liking today ;)

Wednesday.

"I thought I was popular in HS but I look back and I was the biggest nerd."
-Kier
Hahaha. The best thing was that High School wasn't that long ago for her.  Ohh how I envy her youth.  (Jk she's probably more adult than I am).  But it's OK, Kier, if you were a nerd, I feel like you were probably the coolest of all the nerds.  And I mean that.  From the heart :)

"He is such a Tool.  He was my roommate so I feel like I can say that lovingly."
-Alex
HAHAHA.  Really though, don't we all know one of those people?  You're totally their friend and all and you occasionally hang out or text but in reality, they're a Tool or, for lack of better words, a mini d-bag? Oh yeah.  You probably know more than one. 

"On a scale of 1 to Starship 5,000..."
-Nieko about my levels of yelling
Once upon a time (last summer) Nieko convinced me to jump step off a ginormous cliff into open water.  All things that I hate by the way.  After the fall that could have been fatal, I screamed... really loudly.  This last week we were talking about how loud that scream really was.  Nieko then said this ^ comparing it to how freakishly loud I screamed at the State Fair last year on the Starship 5,000 ride that he also convinced me to go on. Apparently that was louder than the cliff incident. If you haven't seen the video of it.. good.  It's embarrassing.  But don't you dare judge me until you've been on that ride.  It's trippy, I didn't know what was going on, and don't even get me started on gravity. Ok? 

Unlike Nicki Minaj, that is one Starship I don't want to go on one more time.

"I got it at American Eagle." -me
"Isn't that for skinny people?!" -Melissa
HAHAHAHAHAHA No secret, guys. I'm a few miles past "skinny" so it totally didn't offend me when she said this... Especially since she's pretty close to the same size as I am and HELLO, I know what I am and I am NOT skinny. SO I got a good laugh out of it and pointed her to the world of shopping outside of Gordman's.  Apparently she gets her Jeans there. Meh.  Never been.  But I look at it this way, you can either choose to be offended OR take it the other way and be like... Yeah, she thinks I'm skinny since I shop there.  *Woot.Woot.*RAISE THE ROOF*

Blatant lie, but shhhh, just go with it.

"Now I can truly say...You.are.a.HOOT."
-Kier
I think I might have quoted it the first time that I met Kiersten on this blog actually.  Back then I knew that Cole was texting Anna's friend and I was like, really not in the mood for him to get another GF in fear that she would be annoying and ruin my life. (not dramatic). So when I ran into Anna at some stupid YSA dance at Weber State we were leaving already because it was super lame and they were just getting there.  The first thing Kier said to me was "I hear you're a HOOT."  I'm pretty sure I fake laughed and made a face at Nieko because, like I said, I'm occasionally rude and I just didn't want to get involved with any of Cole's relationships.  Anyways, I could tell she was cute and nice but that was about it.  I just was like "who calls someone a hoot?" haha Nieko and I laughed about that for a while actually. Until, they started really dating and I quickly fell in friendship/girl love with her.  haha. so, there you have it.  So this weekend we laughed more than I've laughed in a really long time and she finally was able to say that I'm a hoot.  

....took her long enough :) haha

"Is she crying?!"
-Super annoying girl behind me at the movie Theater.
So I had my first really big panic attack of the year.  We were seeing Olympus Has Fallen which is already a stressful movie anyways especially for someone who has family moving there in the next couple of months. Not-so-Spoiler--lots of people die and the White House gets taken over.  It's a nightmare.  I knew what I was getting myself into when I went to the movie but I wasn't expecting someone to yell racial slurs in the middle of the theater and for 3 crazy men to get up and run up and down the stairs screaming the F word asking everyone in the front of the theater to man up to whoever said the "N word."  It was scary.  You guys, I could tell more about it, but I won't.  Just in my mind I knew that I was going to get shot and the first thing I thought was "Dark Knight. Shooting. How am I going to hide/get out of here?" It was bad.  So when I have panic attacks like these, I'm totally irrational, I can't breathe, and I cry a little.  Well, it happened.  Right there in the theater.  Of course the annoying girl behind me had to make comments.  If I had my head on straight at the time and could control my heart rate I totally would have turned around or something and been like "B, you don't know my LIFE!" something like that. 


"Blah, blah, blah, ...blah, blah, blah. *change profile picture*bash everyone for having different beliefs*
...blah. blah. BLAHHHHHHHHH."
-Everyone (minus a handful of people) on Facebook right now.
Am I the only one who is beyond annoyed with Facebook right now?  I was talking a few days ago about how Facebook is border-line depressing these days and that was BEFORE all of this equality stuff exploded yesterday.  It's annoying.  Mostly because I hate that people are so rude to each other; it really makes me sad. I get that people are passionate about the topic of gay marriage and equal rights, and I'm a little envious of their passion, but I would never bash someone for believing what they believe.  That's not me at all.  I'm not saying everyone should be like me, but I feel like I'm 10 times less annoying :) so there's that.

My stance on what is going on is simply this: figure out what you believe and spend time fighting for the cause if that's what you want to do...but never make someone feel little or personally attacked for believing what they do, even if you 100% don't agree with it. 

I just want people to be nicer (and less annoying). I don't feel like that's asking for much.

A while ago I wrote about how I have this thing where people, even those I barely know, feel the need to just spill everything about their life to me.  I don't mind it really.  In fact, I LOVE that people trust me and I love hearing about what people are going through for these reasons:

1.) It usually reassures me that my life isn't THAT crazy all the time

2.) I enjoy learning about how people cope with things 

3.) I like understanding why people are the way that they are

4.) It teaches me to judge a little less because you never really know what people are going through.

Yesterday I had someone come and tell me some things that left me heartbroken.  It's true that you don't always know what secrets people have, what goes on at home, with their relationships, and in their heads.  Sometimes it's easy for us to get so caught up in our own lives that we forget to ask people how they are really doing and to really mean it when we are asking.  I'm guilty and I want to do better at that.

( Seriously, I swear my blog (Journal-crap thing) is becoming all about things I occasionally fail at and want to do better.  But it really does help me, I swear. )

I'm not sure why people do some of the horrible things that they do, why some hurt people they "love", why people lie, why they cheat, or why they get sad and depressed.  It's just life I guess.  But the best part about life is that we get to choose to be the person that we want to be.  If we don't like the situation that we're in, there is ALWAYS a way out.  It just might take a hint of courage, a dash of hard work and little bit of faith and trust to make it happen.  But it's DOABLE :) 

I sometimes listen to things people are going through or about their past and how they let it define who they are and that makes me sad.  Most of the time we don't change our situations because we are scared or because we don't think we deserve something better.  But if you are a good person, then you deserve to have a good life and to be happy and safe.  So carry yourself that way and don't accept anything less for yourself.

I wish I could shake a few people and tell them that they will never be truly happy until they let the past go and look forward in Faith that things will get better if they just try... but we all know that it's something each individual has to do for themselves.  But I do know this--If you don't make any changes, things will never get better. So decide what makes you happy and don't let go of it. [and no, I'm not talking about cupcakes;)].

Out with the bad/toxic.. in with the good.

I guess my whole point to this is that you honestly never know what personal struggles people are going through. The deep ones....Even the closest of friends have things they don't admit out loud.  I just honestly don't want to be that person that pushes someone over the edge or gets in the way of them having a breakthrough or a good day.

So let's try to be a little more understanding and caring today and take a second to listen.  Who knows what kind of an impact you could make on helping someone get out of a bad situation or in changing their day/life.

Oh, and let's work on being nicer to ourselves too while we're at it:)

I could totally quote the Help right now.  Actually, no, I will:

You is kind.
You is smart.
You is important.
.....so act like it.

Wednesday

"I have you now, Jenn. I have to."

-Kier about pinching me with her toes

I'm not sure why she insists on doing this to me.  Is it a talent that she can use her creepy toes to pinch harder than any other person could with fingers? yes, it's a talent.  More like a freak show, but it's pretty impressive.  I think I would be more impressed if she hadn't done it to me twice in the last month.  You guys, I bruise like a peach and her toes...they are like pinchers sent straight from Hell.

"Are you on drugs?" -Me to mom

"I wish." -Mom

"Yeah, me too." -me

I can't remember exactly what we were talking about on the phone but she was being a crazy person and particularly rude to me that day.  Normally she just always agrees with me and tells me I'm the best (that's the gist of it) but that day she was all over the place hyper and rude.  I assumed it had to be drugs.  It wasn't.  The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

"I like your watch!" -Me to Jared

"Thanks! I got it at... Targeet." Jared trying to make Target sound fancier

BAHAHA the best part about this is that there is already a well known way that people say Target in hopes to make it sound fancy. Odds are you just said it in your head or out loud and then rolled your eyes and laughed at Jared in your mind or out loud. I did.  To his face. But anyways it's not TarGEET.  For some reason that sound hillbilly to me...not fancy.  But props to Jared for trying. I got a laugh out of it!  

P.S. People love Target.  You can just say where it's really from :)

"I threw up, pretty much." -Kier

"...so...you did or you didn't?" -me

hahahaha. I don't think she's mastered the dramatics like I have.  But she's the funniest. Like so funny I could pretty much die.  See--That's how it's done ;)

"You can say anything you want right now and he won't hear you.... Keep going."

-Nieko

Have I told you guys that Nieko and I can talk about people who are literally feet away from us or we can say something really funny and we are the only people who hear?  It's strange how people block us out.. because we're really funny.  And we're pretty cool.  But that night I was saying some mean (not true) things about Chris for like 5 minutes and he didn't hear any of it.  Kier was there too and she didn't even know that's what we were doing.  Huh.  People block us out.  

"I just spent the last two hours reading Jenn's blog.  I don't know what I'm doing."

-Gentry to Kier

hahahaha. At first I was like, "Yeah, people like my SHIZ!" But then it really got me thinking about how really anyone can access my blog and stalk/judge me.  Weird?  A little.  Not for Gentry, because I totally met her twice so it's not a big deal.  And honestly, anyone who can sit and read what I have to say for two hours is totally OK in my book.  But think about it.  Have you really sat to think about how much we stalk people?  Even if it's your friends.  It's kinda of weird that you never know who is stalking your life on FBook, twitter, or whatever.  In Fact, Jared told me on Monday that him and Garrett went through like all of my Facebook pictures one night this weekend. (Come to find out they were looking for my Furby picture.. P.s. Everyone REALLY needs to get over that :))  Hahah it's just funny.  We all have a little stalker in us. I mean, you guys have no CLUE who I stalk often.. MUAH HA HA HA . #creeperstatus #sorrynotsorry

"Why are you cutting it into the smallest pieces?"

-like all of us to Jared as we sat and observed him eating his BONELESS Buffalo Wings

"It's easier to digest that way, GOSH!"

-grandpa Jared

He claims that doing that is why he's so skinny... I don't think that's it.  But it was the silliest thing to watch.  What a funny soul.

"You're such a people pleaser!"

-Nieko

Not breaking news.. he just likes to rub it in my face sometimes.  I'm sure it's some backwards way of getting me to stand up for myself and do only what I want.  Actually, I know him...That's totally what it is.  But it's kind of twisted because he takes pride in the fact that he can get people to do pretty much anything.  Meh.  I'm a people pleaser most of the time.  

I just like people to be happy. 

yeah.. I need to work on that.

"I looked like a hot mess today." -Kier ..kind of slurring.

"you looked like a Hobbit today?" -Cole

haha. I kind of like them :)

"Jacob Black has the smallest nipples in New Moon...Like a Cheerio, except where the hole is, there's a little teet."

-Jamie

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  You guys--My sister is the best. And, she's totally right.  See for yourself.

Patience.

I've decided that if I ever get married someday, I will make a really good wife.  And as long as my kids don't do creepy things, I will probably be a good mom too. (haha jk But really.  I think I could be a great mom. I just have to get over that whole barf/poopy diaper thing). Anyways,  I get crap done.  I'm organized, I'm fun most of the time and I try really hard to make people happy and try my hardest to be patient and understanding.   

But there are somedays where I just want to pull a Britney... Of course I just plot things in my head occasionally and don't actually do these things I'm about to list.  But, if I wasn't so anal about things being clean and taken care of then I would totally make these things happen:

I want to see how long I can go without grocery shopping before the boys go and do it for once. 

"You're hungry?  Wah. So are people in china.  Go to Walmart, do not pass go, do not collect $200."

I want to hide all the "essentials" and see what they do.  

"No toilet paper? Oh sorry.  Forgot.  Better improvise or go get some!"

I want to shred every piece of dirty clothing that is left on the floor of the main bathroom.

"oops.  I thought you didn't want this anymore."

I want to never clean the main bathroom/Toilet and see how gross it gets before they clean it.

"Good luck ever trying to get a girl to marry you, nasty!"

There are just some things moms/wives do that go unnoticed.  I'm sad that I'm just figuring it out in my twenties.  I'm sad for my mom and how ungrateful we were growing up.  Mom always took care of everything.  She might not have cooked fancy meals or anything but she took care of us and always made sure that we had the things we needed.  I am who I am because of my mother and her example.  HA.  I'm sure there are days where mom wanted to run away and never come back.  Actually, come to think of it, I think she didn't get in the car once and leave for a few minutes before.  haha.  I only laugh about it now because I totally get it.  No one wants to feel used or not appreciated, but it's easy to let things get that way when we are being lazy and selfish.

Really though, if I go back into the kitchen right now and their cereal bowls and dirty dishes are in the sink that I JUST emptied into the dishwasher 30 minutes ago.. they are going to wish they never moved in with me. 

haha I wish.  Mom's, wives, or other twisted people who've put themselves into a similar situation as me, you totally know that is just a front.  I will probably just end up doing something like this.

1.) Make a "UH!" *Growl* sound

2.) loudly put the dishes into the dishwasher.

Oh being a women.

Patience... Still learning it.

Wednesday

"There isn't a state that starts with U.....Oh my ..UTAH!"
-Nieko to me while playing 94 seconds
Sadly this really happened. Both of us looked at each other and legit thought that there wasn't a state that started with a U.  It wasn't our finest moment especially since we, you know, live in Utah. haha. But go ahead and try that game and see how dumb it occasionally makes you feel.  It stressed me out a little because of the time crunch but it's fun.  Speaking of which, I really need to work on my geography. EEK. 


"Don't do that shiz at parties, Jenn."
-Kier about me looking at the calories on the cheese sticks.
She was serious so I took her seriously... Good thing I gave up all treats that week so I could literally binge on sugar and SHIZ that night.  It happened.  I'm not proud of it, but it happened.  haha.  Liz said she wanted to "eat crap and hang out." SO that's the kind of party I put on.  I think almost everyone was sick from all of the crap we had that night.  Meh. Faturday on a Friday? Ok.


"I brought Kool-Aide."
-Jess
You guys, I am officially/unofficially banning myself from sugary drinks.  Why do people feed that stuff to their children?  It's like crack.  Well, I've never used any form of crack before but I imagine that it's like crack for children.  Or, if you're like me and have a super weird reaction to high amounts of sugar, then it will be like a drug for you too..as an adult.  It gets me so hyper and it's so embarrassing.  I'm thinking it has something to do with that 2 years I went without sugar at all.  Ever since then, any kind of high sugar intake makes me a crazy person.  So, Kool-Aide, while ridiculously delicious, is Satan.  

Sorry future children.


"I thought I was going to die for a second."
-Chris about taking a shot of carmel
I really wasn't kidding about the sugar thing on Friday.  Chris and I really took a shot of carmel.  It was the weirdest thing... it really did make you feel like you were going to die for a second, it just blocks your throat up and you can't breathe.  It was bad. Like I tweeted Saturday morning, I really made myself get up really to run because it was definitely a low point.

Worst part?  I washed it down with more Kool-aide.

*hangs head down, smh.

"I need to add more people to snap chat."
-mom
You guys..my mom has snap chat.. and she uses it.  Well, mostly we started sending her snaps after she seriously texted that to me last week. BAHAHHAHAHAHA. Gotta love her.

Raise your hand if your mom is the coolest and uses all the same apps as you. 

*Woot Woot..*


"We're having a sibling night." -Me to mom via text.
"Glad you like each other." -mom
hahah. I don't know why I think this is so funny, probably because she was actually being serious. 

"What is happening?"
-Nieko about some of the Fashion don'ts during Liz's farewell.
Normally you will go to church and see one or so that are like "really? What is that person wearing?" But this Sunday at the church on Fort Lane, it was beyond bad.  We couldn't believe it. There was a child who was wearing this apron thing and a girl who Nieko said "I'm pretty sure I could find a picture of my mom from the 70's and she'd have that EXACT same outfit."  People sure like to step over that line of "hippy-chic."  It was bad, but, nevertheless, entertaining.

"Playboy, Open it up, Main page." -me explaining "Centerfold" while playing Catchphrase with Kier's family. 
Yes, grandparents and all. My team guessed it right as the buzzer was about to go off.  As I was passing the game, her Aunt Kari wouldn't take it from my hands.. then she responded with this:
"No, No,...talking about Playboy on the Sabbath, I don't want to be a part of that. our point!"
She's the funniest.  She just didn't want to grab the game because her team was losing.  What was I supposed to do? Skip over "centerfold", the easiest thing to explain, because I didn't want to explain it at the family dinner?  That might have been the normal thing to do probably. Considering the fact I was sitting right next to grandpa and there was a 10 year old boy in the room.  But I'm not normal ;) Hahah. She was totally kidding though.  I've seen her tweets :) haha.

"You're being serious."
-Girl in the ward.
I told someone in the ward that she was the rudest girl because she always likes to make little comments about what is wrong with FHE.  Here's the thing.. people usually think that I'm kidding.  She actually got it right for once.  I mean, I was 25% kidding because I do love her.  By 75% annoyed/fed up with the comments every week. So I'm glad someone actually took me seriously for once..even though I kind of liking having that thing where people think I'm joking when I'm being rude or mean because then I can say whatever I want and they just laugh.  I'm not kidding. that happens.

"Let's just follow her and see where she goes."
-Liz about the google Maps lady who was CLEARLY leading us in the wrong direction while we were out trying to do missionary work.
This would totally be something that you would think Amanda or I would have said but nope... It was the soon-to-be-missionary-in-2-days sitting in the back seat.  Not only that but she totally hid behind us when we approach this one apartment.  Sure, it was in a dark hole and was super creepy but Amanda and I stood right there, face in the peep-hole, iphone flashlight in hand. haha. Oh Liz.  We can talk about her now since she's gone.  hahaha. kidding.  She will be a great missionary, just needs a little practice and to learn to do uncomfortable things..She'll be great! 



"I just love your Wednesday Blogs so I'm reading it again."
-Kier
hahaha.  I told her that they aren't always the best.  It really just depends on how funny and appropriate the people around me are that week and how much I write down in the moment.  Like this Friday I was jumpy on so much sugar that I barely wrote stuff down.  It gets hard.  Anyways, she then went on to say that she wished I included myself.  But here's the thing, that would be a little awkward if I was like, "OMG, look at me.  Like, this week I said all these things and I was just so effing funny. *ha ha ha. ha ha ha. Look at me*!"  (haha So occasionally I will add things that I say but only because other people were included in the funny conversation.)
     I then promised her that she could guest blog one week and include things that I say.  She got excited.  I guess I will get a feel for what everyone else goes through when I put them on blast each week with things they say or do. umm maybe this was a bad idea. If you don't know this about me already, I'm embarrassing. 
      Speaking of that, Kier, there are some Wednesday blog post rules that sometimes makes it hard to complete.  1.)You have to quote but 2.) you have to keep it appropriate.  Sadly, that is hard to do sometimes. hahaha. smh. my friends. Anyways, I look forward to it.  Maybe I should take a vow of silence for a couple of weeks. hmm


"Jenn, are you Alright? Call me if you need anything."
-Easton
Sometimes, my Wednesday post needs a little memorable quote that wasn't intended to be funny at all.  Easton was so nice after we all said goodbye to Liz on Monday night.  I was fine, I only cried for the car ride from the church to my house but I was OK.  Sometimes I forget how thoughtful and nice my guy friends are here... A couple of them (and I'm sorry for this) listen to way too many dramatic stories about my life and I love them for that.  It's a good thing though, since good girl friends are hard to come by around here.. and the few that I have found always seem to decide to leave.  haha. It's life :)

*please ignore any spelling/grammar issues.  I typed this in record speed.

Things I wish for the people I love. part 1.

Be strong enough to make your own decisions.

If you think I'm talking about you, then that probably means that you need to do better at this.  How many times do we make decisions because someone else tells us we should or because we don't want to disappoint someone we love?  Sadly, this happens a lot.  I'm not saying that this is 100% bad.  We do things for people we love all the time and that is great.  It shows that we are caring and that we love someone enough to take their advice.  The problem, however, comes when we do things only because we think that is what is expected of us not because it's what we really want to do.  

Don't be afraid to make your own decisions.  That is all part of figuring out who you are and plays a huge role in the person you will become.  It's OK to listen to people's advice. In fact, some people in your life might be smarter than you when it comes to certain things, but make sure that YOU are making the best decision for you after you hear what they have to say.

Stand up for yourself and the things you want. 

Don't try to run away with things get hard.

I probably talk about life being hard more than anything else because that's just how it is.  You know it and I know it.  Life does get hard, but we can't run away or hide from it.  If things aren't working out for you in the situation you are in...figure out why.  What aren't you doing?  Are you trying as hard as you can to make that one thing happen?  Make sure you figure that out before you pick up and try to run away. If you don't figure that out, that problem will still be a problem no matter where you are. You can't wait for things to be perfect before you start actually living your life. 

So do me a favor...stop and check your pulse. SURPRIIIIIISE!!!!, you're breathing.  You're already living, so start facing the hard things now. Don't wait.  And while you're at it, maybe change your goals up a little.  Put some mini goals in there instead of just setting your ultimate goals and not having an action plan of how you're going to get there. 

You can't hide from life.  Show it who is boss.  

Who's the boss? YOU'RE the boss!

*insert fist pump action and embarrassing/overly excited cheering.*

Try harder. Believe in yourself, take responsibility for your own actions, face the hard things, take care of YOU.

Here's to trying harder this week.

Just an update.

So per usual I feel like I've been really busy and haven't made any time to update my blog with "the haps" of my life. The low down. The 411..ok, you get it.  Anyways it's 100% because outside of work my life has been semi-uneventful for the most part.  However, like I said, I feel like I'm busy most of the time. I don't know what I'm doing but that's how it's been.

Update on me--

I finally got the apartment lease figured out this week.  That had been stressing me out for a while but I get that way every time my lease is up.  I just hate committing to 6, 10 or 12 months when I don't know what I'm doing with my life really and I don't know what Cole is doing ... mostly the latter part is the thing that makes a huge difference on what I'm doing and where I am.  As much as it stresses me out sometimes, I wouldn't have it any other way right now.  I've learned a lot having my brother here with me.  We don't get along all the time just as we don't understand each other all the time but he really has become one of my best friends.  No matter how crazy things get sometimes and how stressed out I get occasionally, at the end of the day, we are family and in my world you do anything for family.  It's been an eventful journey to say the least.  So Sam will be moving out soon to go back to Canada to sell for the summer so it will be back to Cole and I living by ourselves.  Of course there are pros and cons to it.  The con being that it has definitely been a blessing having Sam help with rent while Cole was without a job.  Luckily the Lord continues to bless me/us (it's totally because I pay my tithing, I know it) and Cole was hired back on at Peterson's Farm Supply last month.  The job isn't totally full time but it couldn't have come at a better time.  We don't have everything figured out--where we are going, what we they heck we are doing all the time, but we have Faith that it will work out.  That's honestly what gets me through everyday!

I basically just feel better right now knowing where I will be for the next 6 months and can breathe until until a few months down the road where I will have to take another self evaluation to see where I am, what the brother is doing and go from there.  I know I've been talking about "where I will be" for a while now and I always end up staying... I guess that's the joys of being a mid-single adult [ haha again with that title. I hate it] and a super rad/loving/caring big sister :) haha....I will let you know how I'm feeling about it all in the next few months and how things have changed at that point. Things are always changing.

This stage of life is hard.  I was talking to Nieko last night about him Graduating this year and I really thought about how hard that part of my life was because I had no clue what I was going to do or where I was supposed to go, but I knew that what I decided and the direction I went would determine who I'd become and would play a huge part in my future.  That was scary.  I never thought I'd be here almost three years later.  Life just keeps going and keeps surprising more everyday.  Sure I still have that struggle to want to do more, save more, serve more, love more...we always want more.  But I think that's what keeps us going... I'm just needing a few things to work out for people around me so that I can let myself do what I need to do.  I don't know what that is yet, but I just feel it in my bones. HA. I'm just patiently waiting for a few things to play out.  But I know that things will work out because they always do and I'm never going to give up.  Life gets hard.. but it always gets better before it gets hard again.  I'm realizing that even on the hard days, there are always things to be grateful for.

It's all about Faith.

Update on the rest of the Family/life--

So I mentioned that Jamie and her family are moving.  This has been kind of tough for our family.  We don't want them to move but it's happening whether we like it or not.  That's life, right?  I spent about two weeks not talking to anyone about it because I was so upset.  I know I don't live in Idaho with them right now, but there was always comfort knowing that I was a 5 hour drive away and that I could hop in the car and be there for a weekend if I wanted too.  That's not going to be the case anymore.  Instead I will have to save for plane tickets and will be going to DC for any trip I go on for the next two years.  Basically I will probably only see them twice a year.  It's hard knowing that but I had a little come to Jesus moment one morning and realized that I wasn't being supportive of my sister who is one of my favorite people in this world.  So.. I'm working on that.  I'm happy thing things are falling into place for them.  They sold their house before it even went on the market, James is already in DC and it's just working.  Jamie, Regan and Mason will have to live with Grandma Hansen and M&D for about a month and then they will be leaving in May.  It's going to be hard and I'm really going to miss that Mason boy.  In fact, I just started crying thinking about it.  great.  My heart hurts a little but that's mostly because I just love them so much and ... I'm selfish :)

Back to that faith thing, right?! 

The moving thing will be even harder for my parents, who, for the record are totally getting soft in their older years.  Mom has been and always will be but that Dad of mine... he's just a giant teddy bear these days who loves his kids/grand kids more than anything.  If they had it their way we would all move home to be around them.  But that would be a perfect world.. and this world isn't perfect.  They will be fine. We will be fine.  Jamie and her family will be fine over there.  It will be hard but we will be fine :) haha. fine.  Thank goodness we all have FaceTime! amen.

So there you go.  I hope it didn't sound depressing... But that's what's going on right now. Oh and Liz totally leaves for her mission on Wednesday.  I can't believe it.  People are just growing up. *tear* Ok, I've got to stop.

Sum of it all--
Things work out.  They always do.  I'm just having a good time watching it all happen.
Keep the faith :)

Wednesday

"I never want you guys to leave."
-Kier about us being at her house
I suppose we should go over to her house more often.  Come to think of it, I think that was the only time I've been over there since Cole and her have been dating.  I guess that's what happens when you live with your boyfriend's ex. #awkward.  But Anna's birthday was a success and I guess you can say we are the life of the party.. I wouldn't want us to leave either. 

"It was nice meeting you... You make me laugh.  I was watching you pretend to put the food down your shirt.. hilarious."
-Kid
Here's the thing.. this kid was super cute and I totally made a connection with him when I told him that he should really grow out his facial hair (the theme was lumberjack/mustache and he had some really convincing stuff going on... we won't talk about the fact that he mentioned that his mommy did it for him. moving on.)  But I just really don't like the idea of people watching me without me knowing.  It super weirds me out.  Yes, people watching is on my top 10 things I like to do but I usually don't..scratch that..I NEVER, admit to the person that I was watching them.  It's weird.  Anyways, in the end the kid balanced out his creepy comment with his cute points but I'm not sure if it was the fake facial hair that did it for me.  Dang it.  All creepy comments aside, I'm still a little embarrassed. I don't know why I was pretending to put the food down my shirt...meh.


"You're right.  This is embarrassing."
-Chris to me while sitting in the car waiting for Nieko and Cole to scope out the dumpster treasure behind Krispy Creme
I won't go too far into detail because the idea behind what was actually being done is quite frankly hilarious but dumpster "browsing" really makes me uncomfortable. I don't care if it's at night or where it is... Chris and I didn't even want to be associated with it.  I kind of envy people who have no shame when it comes to stupid things that don't matter at all.   Me, though? HA.  If someone were to come up to me or see me doing something like that I would literally want to be dead.  Preferably buried in the dumpster filled with leftover glazed donuts and garbage where I belong because I was THAT embarrassing of a person. 

Dramatic? 
slightly.


"I bet she doesn't remember my name either."
-Bailey.  The kid's name is BAILEY.
I've decided that one of the worst things is when you know you've met someone a few times and you can't remember their name but they come up to you, look you square in the eye and say, "How are you, Jenn?"  *cue the swear word in my head and a overly excited "OMG, HEY!!!!! HOW ARE YOU!?"* I just hate it.  You might as well be telling the person that they weren't interesting or important even though you obviously made a little impression or were memorable in some way whether it was for good or bad reasons. 

The worst part was that the kid was clinging to me quite a bit that night and I just couldn't remember his name.  I had one moment to ask someone what his name was (the party host) and even she didn't remember. Then I felt really bad...the kid is ALWAYS over there.  But she knew it started with a B.  That information semi-saved me later when I was telling someone else that I didn't remember his name and "B" called me out in front of everyone.  Embarrassing.  Luckily I was able to say "it starts with a B, right?" 

omg. I just want to know what he was hoping to get out of that?  Well, I won't forget his name from there on out, that's for sure.  Except I probably won't see him again considering I only see him when I go over to their apartment once a year. haha

"You're clever on twitter.  Witty!"
-Trevor
I like meeting people in real life whom I've only been introduced to through Twitter. This happened twice this week...

"Kier, I just have to tell you..Cole's sister is the funniest person ever.  His friends are fun too." 
-Kier's roommate
"What do you think I've been doing? Sitting around not having fun."
-Kier
I'm not trying to convince you that I'm funny or that all of my friends are funny by posting all of these things about people saying so.  I just think it's funny that people even doubt us. And we don't TRY to be funny or fun...we just simply choose to 1) speak our minds even when we probably shouldn't. 2) make people feel awkward for sport 3) Make fools out of ourselves and not care [minus the dumpster diving. never.] 
4.) We simply choose not to be boring. 

That's all it is.  That and a little/lot of Red Bull occasionally. Friday wasn't my finest hour.. I was close to a  9.5 on the Jenn Embarrassment Scale...it's whatever. 

"Remember when those guys thought you were getting raped?"
-Nieko
So there was one point in the weekend where I randomly decided to make a scene.  And by that I (for some reason) started doing the full out fake ugly cry really loud in the car while some people were walking by. I don't even remember why I started doing it.  All I know is dumb me got carried away and didn't realize that it might have sounded ...well, "not OK." Like I was in trouble or something.  I think a couple of people were really concerned about what was going on in the car. Chris' response after telling me to bascailly calm down...
"Oscar winning performance"
What can I say? I commit. 100%.  I really should have been an actress or something.  Everyone loves the funny, slightly inappropriate chubby girl who can instantly fake a few tears.  

Dang it, I could have been rich. smh. 
haha kidding.

"FLYING V!!!!!!"
-Cole
For FHE on Monday we played broom hockey.  Of course Cole walked in with a hardcore duct taped, wooden handled broom.  Everyone was commenting on how great and hardcore it was.  The game started, Cole got the ball and screamed "FLYING V!!!!" just like a scene right out of Mighty Ducks.  As he pulled back his broom for the hit ( on his first real hit, mind you) his broom snapped right in half. hahahaha.  It was the funniest thing.  I guess that's what he gets for being cocky.  I was dying.

*QUACK, QUACK, QUACK. QUACK.*

"You look cute." *Exits room* "BAHAHHAHAA." 
-my dear, loving brother
He just happened to walk into my room while I had a chocolate strawberry face mask on so of course the comment wasn't sincere.  Basically it translates in guy terms into "WOOF." 

he's rude.