Wednesday

"There isn't a state that starts with U.....Oh my ..UTAH!"
-Nieko to me while playing 94 seconds
Sadly this really happened. Both of us looked at each other and legit thought that there wasn't a state that started with a U.  It wasn't our finest moment especially since we, you know, live in Utah. haha. But go ahead and try that game and see how dumb it occasionally makes you feel.  It stressed me out a little because of the time crunch but it's fun.  Speaking of which, I really need to work on my geography. EEK. 


"Don't do that shiz at parties, Jenn."
-Kier about me looking at the calories on the cheese sticks.
She was serious so I took her seriously... Good thing I gave up all treats that week so I could literally binge on sugar and SHIZ that night.  It happened.  I'm not proud of it, but it happened.  haha.  Liz said she wanted to "eat crap and hang out." SO that's the kind of party I put on.  I think almost everyone was sick from all of the crap we had that night.  Meh. Faturday on a Friday? Ok.


"I brought Kool-Aide."
-Jess
You guys, I am officially/unofficially banning myself from sugary drinks.  Why do people feed that stuff to their children?  It's like crack.  Well, I've never used any form of crack before but I imagine that it's like crack for children.  Or, if you're like me and have a super weird reaction to high amounts of sugar, then it will be like a drug for you too..as an adult.  It gets me so hyper and it's so embarrassing.  I'm thinking it has something to do with that 2 years I went without sugar at all.  Ever since then, any kind of high sugar intake makes me a crazy person.  So, Kool-Aide, while ridiculously delicious, is Satan.  

Sorry future children.


"I thought I was going to die for a second."
-Chris about taking a shot of carmel
I really wasn't kidding about the sugar thing on Friday.  Chris and I really took a shot of carmel.  It was the weirdest thing... it really did make you feel like you were going to die for a second, it just blocks your throat up and you can't breathe.  It was bad. Like I tweeted Saturday morning, I really made myself get up really to run because it was definitely a low point.

Worst part?  I washed it down with more Kool-aide.

*hangs head down, smh.

"I need to add more people to snap chat."
-mom
You guys..my mom has snap chat.. and she uses it.  Well, mostly we started sending her snaps after she seriously texted that to me last week. BAHAHHAHAHAHA. Gotta love her.

Raise your hand if your mom is the coolest and uses all the same apps as you. 

*Woot Woot..*


"We're having a sibling night." -Me to mom via text.
"Glad you like each other." -mom
hahah. I don't know why I think this is so funny, probably because she was actually being serious. 

"What is happening?"
-Nieko about some of the Fashion don'ts during Liz's farewell.
Normally you will go to church and see one or so that are like "really? What is that person wearing?" But this Sunday at the church on Fort Lane, it was beyond bad.  We couldn't believe it. There was a child who was wearing this apron thing and a girl who Nieko said "I'm pretty sure I could find a picture of my mom from the 70's and she'd have that EXACT same outfit."  People sure like to step over that line of "hippy-chic."  It was bad, but, nevertheless, entertaining.

"Playboy, Open it up, Main page." -me explaining "Centerfold" while playing Catchphrase with Kier's family. 
Yes, grandparents and all. My team guessed it right as the buzzer was about to go off.  As I was passing the game, her Aunt Kari wouldn't take it from my hands.. then she responded with this:
"No, No,...talking about Playboy on the Sabbath, I don't want to be a part of that. our point!"
She's the funniest.  She just didn't want to grab the game because her team was losing.  What was I supposed to do? Skip over "centerfold", the easiest thing to explain, because I didn't want to explain it at the family dinner?  That might have been the normal thing to do probably. Considering the fact I was sitting right next to grandpa and there was a 10 year old boy in the room.  But I'm not normal ;) Hahah. She was totally kidding though.  I've seen her tweets :) haha.

"You're being serious."
-Girl in the ward.
I told someone in the ward that she was the rudest girl because she always likes to make little comments about what is wrong with FHE.  Here's the thing.. people usually think that I'm kidding.  She actually got it right for once.  I mean, I was 25% kidding because I do love her.  By 75% annoyed/fed up with the comments every week. So I'm glad someone actually took me seriously for once..even though I kind of liking having that thing where people think I'm joking when I'm being rude or mean because then I can say whatever I want and they just laugh.  I'm not kidding. that happens.

"Let's just follow her and see where she goes."
-Liz about the google Maps lady who was CLEARLY leading us in the wrong direction while we were out trying to do missionary work.
This would totally be something that you would think Amanda or I would have said but nope... It was the soon-to-be-missionary-in-2-days sitting in the back seat.  Not only that but she totally hid behind us when we approach this one apartment.  Sure, it was in a dark hole and was super creepy but Amanda and I stood right there, face in the peep-hole, iphone flashlight in hand. haha. Oh Liz.  We can talk about her now since she's gone.  hahaha. kidding.  She will be a great missionary, just needs a little practice and to learn to do uncomfortable things..She'll be great! 



"I just love your Wednesday Blogs so I'm reading it again."
-Kier
hahaha.  I told her that they aren't always the best.  It really just depends on how funny and appropriate the people around me are that week and how much I write down in the moment.  Like this Friday I was jumpy on so much sugar that I barely wrote stuff down.  It gets hard.  Anyways, she then went on to say that she wished I included myself.  But here's the thing, that would be a little awkward if I was like, "OMG, look at me.  Like, this week I said all these things and I was just so effing funny. *ha ha ha. ha ha ha. Look at me*!"  (haha So occasionally I will add things that I say but only because other people were included in the funny conversation.)
     I then promised her that she could guest blog one week and include things that I say.  She got excited.  I guess I will get a feel for what everyone else goes through when I put them on blast each week with things they say or do. umm maybe this was a bad idea. If you don't know this about me already, I'm embarrassing. 
      Speaking of that, Kier, there are some Wednesday blog post rules that sometimes makes it hard to complete.  1.)You have to quote but 2.) you have to keep it appropriate.  Sadly, that is hard to do sometimes. hahaha. smh. my friends. Anyways, I look forward to it.  Maybe I should take a vow of silence for a couple of weeks. hmm


"Jenn, are you Alright? Call me if you need anything."
-Easton
Sometimes, my Wednesday post needs a little memorable quote that wasn't intended to be funny at all.  Easton was so nice after we all said goodbye to Liz on Monday night.  I was fine, I only cried for the car ride from the church to my house but I was OK.  Sometimes I forget how thoughtful and nice my guy friends are here... A couple of them (and I'm sorry for this) listen to way too many dramatic stories about my life and I love them for that.  It's a good thing though, since good girl friends are hard to come by around here.. and the few that I have found always seem to decide to leave.  haha. It's life :)

*please ignore any spelling/grammar issues.  I typed this in record speed.

Things I wish for the people I love. part 1.

Be strong enough to make your own decisions.

If you think I'm talking about you, then that probably means that you need to do better at this.  How many times do we make decisions because someone else tells us we should or because we don't want to disappoint someone we love?  Sadly, this happens a lot.  I'm not saying that this is 100% bad.  We do things for people we love all the time and that is great.  It shows that we are caring and that we love someone enough to take their advice.  The problem, however, comes when we do things only because we think that is what is expected of us not because it's what we really want to do.  

Don't be afraid to make your own decisions.  That is all part of figuring out who you are and plays a huge role in the person you will become.  It's OK to listen to people's advice. In fact, some people in your life might be smarter than you when it comes to certain things, but make sure that YOU are making the best decision for you after you hear what they have to say.

Stand up for yourself and the things you want. 

Don't try to run away with things get hard.

I probably talk about life being hard more than anything else because that's just how it is.  You know it and I know it.  Life does get hard, but we can't run away or hide from it.  If things aren't working out for you in the situation you are in...figure out why.  What aren't you doing?  Are you trying as hard as you can to make that one thing happen?  Make sure you figure that out before you pick up and try to run away. If you don't figure that out, that problem will still be a problem no matter where you are. You can't wait for things to be perfect before you start actually living your life. 

So do me a favor...stop and check your pulse. SURPRIIIIIISE!!!!, you're breathing.  You're already living, so start facing the hard things now. Don't wait.  And while you're at it, maybe change your goals up a little.  Put some mini goals in there instead of just setting your ultimate goals and not having an action plan of how you're going to get there. 

You can't hide from life.  Show it who is boss.  

Who's the boss? YOU'RE the boss!

*insert fist pump action and embarrassing/overly excited cheering.*

Try harder. Believe in yourself, take responsibility for your own actions, face the hard things, take care of YOU.

Here's to trying harder this week.

Just an update.

So per usual I feel like I've been really busy and haven't made any time to update my blog with "the haps" of my life. The low down. The 411..ok, you get it.  Anyways it's 100% because outside of work my life has been semi-uneventful for the most part.  However, like I said, I feel like I'm busy most of the time. I don't know what I'm doing but that's how it's been.

Update on me--

I finally got the apartment lease figured out this week.  That had been stressing me out for a while but I get that way every time my lease is up.  I just hate committing to 6, 10 or 12 months when I don't know what I'm doing with my life really and I don't know what Cole is doing ... mostly the latter part is the thing that makes a huge difference on what I'm doing and where I am.  As much as it stresses me out sometimes, I wouldn't have it any other way right now.  I've learned a lot having my brother here with me.  We don't get along all the time just as we don't understand each other all the time but he really has become one of my best friends.  No matter how crazy things get sometimes and how stressed out I get occasionally, at the end of the day, we are family and in my world you do anything for family.  It's been an eventful journey to say the least.  So Sam will be moving out soon to go back to Canada to sell for the summer so it will be back to Cole and I living by ourselves.  Of course there are pros and cons to it.  The con being that it has definitely been a blessing having Sam help with rent while Cole was without a job.  Luckily the Lord continues to bless me/us (it's totally because I pay my tithing, I know it) and Cole was hired back on at Peterson's Farm Supply last month.  The job isn't totally full time but it couldn't have come at a better time.  We don't have everything figured out--where we are going, what we they heck we are doing all the time, but we have Faith that it will work out.  That's honestly what gets me through everyday!

I basically just feel better right now knowing where I will be for the next 6 months and can breathe until until a few months down the road where I will have to take another self evaluation to see where I am, what the brother is doing and go from there.  I know I've been talking about "where I will be" for a while now and I always end up staying... I guess that's the joys of being a mid-single adult [ haha again with that title. I hate it] and a super rad/loving/caring big sister :) haha....I will let you know how I'm feeling about it all in the next few months and how things have changed at that point. Things are always changing.

This stage of life is hard.  I was talking to Nieko last night about him Graduating this year and I really thought about how hard that part of my life was because I had no clue what I was going to do or where I was supposed to go, but I knew that what I decided and the direction I went would determine who I'd become and would play a huge part in my future.  That was scary.  I never thought I'd be here almost three years later.  Life just keeps going and keeps surprising more everyday.  Sure I still have that struggle to want to do more, save more, serve more, love more...we always want more.  But I think that's what keeps us going... I'm just needing a few things to work out for people around me so that I can let myself do what I need to do.  I don't know what that is yet, but I just feel it in my bones. HA. I'm just patiently waiting for a few things to play out.  But I know that things will work out because they always do and I'm never going to give up.  Life gets hard.. but it always gets better before it gets hard again.  I'm realizing that even on the hard days, there are always things to be grateful for.

It's all about Faith.

Update on the rest of the Family/life--

So I mentioned that Jamie and her family are moving.  This has been kind of tough for our family.  We don't want them to move but it's happening whether we like it or not.  That's life, right?  I spent about two weeks not talking to anyone about it because I was so upset.  I know I don't live in Idaho with them right now, but there was always comfort knowing that I was a 5 hour drive away and that I could hop in the car and be there for a weekend if I wanted too.  That's not going to be the case anymore.  Instead I will have to save for plane tickets and will be going to DC for any trip I go on for the next two years.  Basically I will probably only see them twice a year.  It's hard knowing that but I had a little come to Jesus moment one morning and realized that I wasn't being supportive of my sister who is one of my favorite people in this world.  So.. I'm working on that.  I'm happy thing things are falling into place for them.  They sold their house before it even went on the market, James is already in DC and it's just working.  Jamie, Regan and Mason will have to live with Grandma Hansen and M&D for about a month and then they will be leaving in May.  It's going to be hard and I'm really going to miss that Mason boy.  In fact, I just started crying thinking about it.  great.  My heart hurts a little but that's mostly because I just love them so much and ... I'm selfish :)

Back to that faith thing, right?! 

The moving thing will be even harder for my parents, who, for the record are totally getting soft in their older years.  Mom has been and always will be but that Dad of mine... he's just a giant teddy bear these days who loves his kids/grand kids more than anything.  If they had it their way we would all move home to be around them.  But that would be a perfect world.. and this world isn't perfect.  They will be fine. We will be fine.  Jamie and her family will be fine over there.  It will be hard but we will be fine :) haha. fine.  Thank goodness we all have FaceTime! amen.

So there you go.  I hope it didn't sound depressing... But that's what's going on right now. Oh and Liz totally leaves for her mission on Wednesday.  I can't believe it.  People are just growing up. *tear* Ok, I've got to stop.

Sum of it all--
Things work out.  They always do.  I'm just having a good time watching it all happen.
Keep the faith :)

Wednesday

"I never want you guys to leave."
-Kier about us being at her house
I suppose we should go over to her house more often.  Come to think of it, I think that was the only time I've been over there since Cole and her have been dating.  I guess that's what happens when you live with your boyfriend's ex. #awkward.  But Anna's birthday was a success and I guess you can say we are the life of the party.. I wouldn't want us to leave either. 

"It was nice meeting you... You make me laugh.  I was watching you pretend to put the food down your shirt.. hilarious."
-Kid
Here's the thing.. this kid was super cute and I totally made a connection with him when I told him that he should really grow out his facial hair (the theme was lumberjack/mustache and he had some really convincing stuff going on... we won't talk about the fact that he mentioned that his mommy did it for him. moving on.)  But I just really don't like the idea of people watching me without me knowing.  It super weirds me out.  Yes, people watching is on my top 10 things I like to do but I usually don't..scratch that..I NEVER, admit to the person that I was watching them.  It's weird.  Anyways, in the end the kid balanced out his creepy comment with his cute points but I'm not sure if it was the fake facial hair that did it for me.  Dang it.  All creepy comments aside, I'm still a little embarrassed. I don't know why I was pretending to put the food down my shirt...meh.


"You're right.  This is embarrassing."
-Chris to me while sitting in the car waiting for Nieko and Cole to scope out the dumpster treasure behind Krispy Creme
I won't go too far into detail because the idea behind what was actually being done is quite frankly hilarious but dumpster "browsing" really makes me uncomfortable. I don't care if it's at night or where it is... Chris and I didn't even want to be associated with it.  I kind of envy people who have no shame when it comes to stupid things that don't matter at all.   Me, though? HA.  If someone were to come up to me or see me doing something like that I would literally want to be dead.  Preferably buried in the dumpster filled with leftover glazed donuts and garbage where I belong because I was THAT embarrassing of a person. 

Dramatic? 
slightly.


"I bet she doesn't remember my name either."
-Bailey.  The kid's name is BAILEY.
I've decided that one of the worst things is when you know you've met someone a few times and you can't remember their name but they come up to you, look you square in the eye and say, "How are you, Jenn?"  *cue the swear word in my head and a overly excited "OMG, HEY!!!!! HOW ARE YOU!?"* I just hate it.  You might as well be telling the person that they weren't interesting or important even though you obviously made a little impression or were memorable in some way whether it was for good or bad reasons. 

The worst part was that the kid was clinging to me quite a bit that night and I just couldn't remember his name.  I had one moment to ask someone what his name was (the party host) and even she didn't remember. Then I felt really bad...the kid is ALWAYS over there.  But she knew it started with a B.  That information semi-saved me later when I was telling someone else that I didn't remember his name and "B" called me out in front of everyone.  Embarrassing.  Luckily I was able to say "it starts with a B, right?" 

omg. I just want to know what he was hoping to get out of that?  Well, I won't forget his name from there on out, that's for sure.  Except I probably won't see him again considering I only see him when I go over to their apartment once a year. haha

"You're clever on twitter.  Witty!"
-Trevor
I like meeting people in real life whom I've only been introduced to through Twitter. This happened twice this week...

"Kier, I just have to tell you..Cole's sister is the funniest person ever.  His friends are fun too." 
-Kier's roommate
"What do you think I've been doing? Sitting around not having fun."
-Kier
I'm not trying to convince you that I'm funny or that all of my friends are funny by posting all of these things about people saying so.  I just think it's funny that people even doubt us. And we don't TRY to be funny or fun...we just simply choose to 1) speak our minds even when we probably shouldn't. 2) make people feel awkward for sport 3) Make fools out of ourselves and not care [minus the dumpster diving. never.] 
4.) We simply choose not to be boring. 

That's all it is.  That and a little/lot of Red Bull occasionally. Friday wasn't my finest hour.. I was close to a  9.5 on the Jenn Embarrassment Scale...it's whatever. 

"Remember when those guys thought you were getting raped?"
-Nieko
So there was one point in the weekend where I randomly decided to make a scene.  And by that I (for some reason) started doing the full out fake ugly cry really loud in the car while some people were walking by. I don't even remember why I started doing it.  All I know is dumb me got carried away and didn't realize that it might have sounded ...well, "not OK." Like I was in trouble or something.  I think a couple of people were really concerned about what was going on in the car. Chris' response after telling me to bascailly calm down...
"Oscar winning performance"
What can I say? I commit. 100%.  I really should have been an actress or something.  Everyone loves the funny, slightly inappropriate chubby girl who can instantly fake a few tears.  

Dang it, I could have been rich. smh. 
haha kidding.

"FLYING V!!!!!!"
-Cole
For FHE on Monday we played broom hockey.  Of course Cole walked in with a hardcore duct taped, wooden handled broom.  Everyone was commenting on how great and hardcore it was.  The game started, Cole got the ball and screamed "FLYING V!!!!" just like a scene right out of Mighty Ducks.  As he pulled back his broom for the hit ( on his first real hit, mind you) his broom snapped right in half. hahahaha.  It was the funniest thing.  I guess that's what he gets for being cocky.  I was dying.

*QUACK, QUACK, QUACK. QUACK.*

"You look cute." *Exits room* "BAHAHHAHAA." 
-my dear, loving brother
He just happened to walk into my room while I had a chocolate strawberry face mask on so of course the comment wasn't sincere.  Basically it translates in guy terms into "WOOF." 

he's rude.

Wenesday

"Sorry you can't play Bejeweled!"

-Amy, Coworker.

Sometimes there are people at work who complain about doing work that they are supposed to do.  It's quite annoying actually.  Last week this happened and Amy responded with this ^^ luckily they didn't hear her but I was laughing. Actually, I'm surprised no one has ever heard us talking about them before.  hmm.

"YOU SOLD SHITZIE?!"

-Liz

Last week I got a strange text from Kier asking if I would be willing to sell Shitzie, my furby that my Mom got be for Christmas.  Apparently they are sold out everywhere and a guy at her work was in desperate need for one for his daughter's birthday.  How am I supposed to deny a child of her one birthday wish?  Especially since I've only played with Shitzie a few times and I had him trapped back in his box without batteries to let him live.  I had to sell it.  I probably could have gotten more money out of him but $40 to give a furby to a loving home and to make a little girl's wish come true?... it was a good deal/deed.

Hopefully they girl enjoys him as much as we did.  On the real, those things are fun.  If only they spoke English...well beside the "CHANGINGGG.. Whoa, whoa.." hahah. omg. Whoever thought of making the new Furby's have multiple personalities like Sybil is one weird dude, though.

"I've gotta fart. Might as well do it."

-Easton

I know this is gross but the best part was that Sam had already stunk up the entire apartment so Easton was like "might as well." Totally makes sense, I get it, but that's pretty sad when something is so stinky already that it would mask another probably deathly smell.  Ew. I can't believe I live with boys sometimes.  haha.

"Are you making fun of me?!" 

-new EQ president

It's that moment when you totally are laughing at someone not in a bully way, but just in an "OMG, you just fell so hard at classic skating" kind of way and then that person calls you out for laughing at them.  Haha I just kept laughing and was like "Yeah, you're doing great." Awkward.

"Stop calling me a douche, douche bag."

-Mom to dad

So if I haven't mentioned it already, Mom got an iphone a couple of weeks ago, so now she can FaceTime even with Dad is using the iPad.  It's basically crazy.  Anyways, Cole and I were FaceTiming them while they were just hanging out watching TV and seriously, they were in the funniest moods.  This is the kind of stuff that happens all the time.  It's all in fun and games but I just roll my eyes after I remember that they are my parents and probably shouldn't be saying Db.  They're weirdly hilarious and they know it.

"AHH I DON'T KNOW YOU!!"

-Me to random girl after the Jazz game

After the Jazz game the other night everyone was herding out of the ESA trying to get across the street to wherever they were parked.  It was dark, cold and there were a MILLION people leaving the building at the same time.  We were standing in a HUGE crowd waiting for the the crosswalk to flash that it was safe to go when all of a sudden people just started stampeeding right through the center of the intersection.. It felt like it was like the end of the world and people were panicking trying to get away from creature that was chasing us or something.  Haha I'm just saying it felt like we were in a movie, it was that dramatic.

 Well all of a sudden I screamed "RUN!!" I thought Liz was behind me so I was like "LIZ, come on" as I continued to run across the street.  I reached over and grabbed " her" arm really tight without thinking and realized that it wasn't Liz I was latched on too.  I looked at the girl and said that ^.  But the embarrassing part was that I didn't just apologize and calmly say it..I screamed it in her face. Because I'm dramatic like that.  I turned around and realized Liz was further behind me almost peeing her pants because she was laughing so hard.  It was horrible. I'm sure I freaked that girl out.

"Did everyone eat their hot dog?!"

-Erin, Relief Society president while unknowingly doing a really gross hand gesture

I just love her.  And don't say "Omg, you just have a dirty mind." I'm not the only one who noticed it.  Hilarious.

"What do you want for dinner?" -Me to Kier who had been in a little car accident

"Ice chips and Loratabs?" -Kier

"I'm in." -me.

And this is why we are friends. 

hahahaha. jk.  But really. 

She settled for some Ibuprofen and Crowne burger.  It did the trick.

"Push your cuticles back with it." -Me to Cole handing him the cuticle pusher

"He doesn't have any!" -Kier

*Whisper* "I'm awesome." -Cole

If the cuticle thing is really what determines one's awesomeness--I'm screwed.  Good for you COLE.

"We'll be puppy parents!"

-Nieko

So it's not official or anything but there is a good chance that we will be fostering a baby puppy until someone agrees to adopt.  It's kind of a big deal for me to agree but I told Nieko that it's only because it's temporary and because "he had me at euthanize." I don't want any puppy to DIE.  that's just sad.  Of course Nieko knew the words he needed to say and the pictures he needed to send me to get me to agree.  (That boy) haha It's all good.  We'll see if it for sure happens, how it goes, and then we will go from there.  PUPPIES!! haha. 

Curse and Confession.

I sometimes cry in the shower.

Anyone who knows me understands that the dumbest things make me cry.  This one time someone told me about a relationship gone sour and I was heartbroken about it for almost a week.  The problem? I didn't even know the people.  Sadly, this has been known to happen more than a few times.  

I've decided that I've been cursed with a few things in my life which usually end in tears or just a lot of over thinking...

The first curse being my annoying expectation of greatness.  When I get to know someone, I know what they are capable and I expect greatness out of them (of course while still knowing that we all have flaws). Simple as that.  This also means that I tend to set even more outrageous standards for myself and end up disappointed a lot more than I'd like.  (I just want to note that I just deleted a good chunk of what I had written on this draft a couple of days ago.  Good thing I jot things down in the heat of the moment and sometimes just push save instead of publish. embarrassinggggg).  

I'm not going to confess anything specific because I realized that while I would like this to just be my personal journal, there a few people who actually read this crap.  So, no confessions other than to let you know that I'm not perfect. duh. I'm far from it actually. I do set high expectations and right now I'm just really working on conjuring up that motivation I know I have within me somewhere to make things a little bit better than they are now. But it's hard and I get discouraged just like every one else. I make mistakes, I let things go too far and I sometimes do things without thinking about the consequences    *Cue sad music on my iphone and tears in the shower* 
(it's funny that you think I'm exaggerating right now.)

We get that way sometimes don't we?  We get lazy, things get bad, we kick, scream (cry in the shower), we feel sorry for ourselves and we just want to know WHY things get so hard.  Why are we so weak? Why do we even have the desire to be good? Wouldn't it just be easier if we could give into temptations and just do whatever we wanted and be lazy for the rest of our lives and never progress or get better, be better, or do better?

preach.

I totally believe that it's OK to think like that sometimes but I really don't like to give myself too much time to feel sorry for myself...that comes with the before mentioned "curse" ^^. I don't like feeling weak. Although, I know I'm weak and to my dismay pathetic at times, I believe that feeling sorry for yourself for too long is stupid.  If you're spending too much time feeling sorry for yourself, then that means you aren't working towards turning things around.  With that being said, the shower is my time.  I ugly cry in there almost monthly.

I don't tell you that to make you feel bad for me or to think that I'm a crazy person.  I just totally need that time, and I'm OK with that. 

Some people run it off, some people scream into the pillow for a minute, and I ...cry in the shower. And guess what? I always end up feeling better.  I get it out, and immediately start making plans for what I'm going to do that day/week/month to do a little bit better.  

So maybe you don't cry in the shower or cry at all...but I highly recommend finding a place or something you can do to give yourself a little reality check from time to time when things get hard or when you are weak. Let yourself be pathetic for a second but be sure you make plans to change it and move on. Whatever it is, make it your time and make it something that makes you feel better.

I'd ask you to join me so you can see what I'm talking about, but the shower invite would be like, super awkward.  It's personal time.  Give yourself that 10 minutes. Run it out, scream it out, cry it out.. do what you got to do and then--keep the faith :)

Today is a good day.

I know I'm not the only one who has a social media routine.  Before bed, as well as right in the morning, I go through IFT (Instagram, Facebook, Twitter) in that exact order to see what I missed while I was sleeping.  It's sounds pathetic when I write it down like that but I know that pretty much everyone else does this too.   If you don't then good for you!

This morning as I was going through IFT trying to open up my eyes and start my day I noticed that today is Caitlin's birthday.  Now, I will look back on this blog years down the road and remember that Caitlin really wasn't my friend.  In fact, if I didn't have this one thing to tie to her name, or wasn't "friends" with her on facebook I wouldn't even remember her or that her birthday is on Feb 21st to be honest.  Caitlin was the first person who befriended me in the South Weber ward when I moved to Utah.  She was nice, ridiculously skinny, dated a lot and wore sweater dresses.  I knew that she probably wasn't a person I would be BFF with but I loved her for making me feel welcome in a ward filled with strangers.  She gave me a voice in that ward and most importantly she gave me the opportunity to throw my first Utah birthday party.  I know I've talked about this event before but this was just a significant night in my new life.  I didn't really know anyone, my brother had just moved in with me, and I was eager to make an effort to make friends.

That night changed everything.

I never really hung out with Caitlin again outside of church events (despite her efforts to try to get me to go country dancing) and she totally never gave back my cake pan, but I won't forget her.  

I guess sometimes we don't really stop to think how good we have things when we are just going through the motions of life.  Two years have pretty much past since I started to meet people and make Utah my home.  I remember what it was like before then, I remember the time in between and all the fun I've had here and I remember how rocky things have gotten at some points.  All in all, even when things have been a little difficult lately, I am so grateful for how good I have it.  I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned and am still learning and I'm grateful for the people who have given me second chances and stuck with me..especially those, who two years ago, never thought we would ever hang out again :) I'm glad we were all wrong.

Today is a good day.

Update and a short Wednesday Post

I know it's Wednesday and I'm simply supposed to write down some of the memorable crap people said to/around me this week but I need to write a little update about this weekend.  So, work has been crazy busy so my lunch time consists of me scarfing down some food and quickly getting updated on what is going on in the world instead of updating this old thing.  Anyways, I tweeted Monday about how I went home to Idaho this weekend and while it was kind of stressful and I wanted to cry a couple of times, it was just good to be away from my Utah life for a bit. So here's a quick recap and then I will get into the few things I jotted town for today's Wednesday post. Deal?

1.) Mason was sick.  Do you think I tried to not let him give me kisses? No.  I made him give his auntie kisses and I carried him around anywhere he would let me.  I shared drinks with him and I let him feed me snacks.  It only makes sense that I got sick; I asked for it.   But like my mom said, "It's worth it." She's totally right.  That boy is seriously my favorite. I could go on about that (you know this). But just some highlights... This boy is getting so big.  Right now he loves motorcycles and 4-wheelers and says the words so funny.  Anything that sounds like a motorcycle he will point it out and make this face like "huh? motorcycle?" Basically a plea to get you to take him outside.  He also associates "Cow" with "Papa" aka-Grandpa.  I love that.  Even though the kid was sick all weekend he was still a pretty happy boy.  Just don't tell him you are getting ready to go "Bubye" until you are absolutely ready to go because he will cry.  He loves to be on the go.  He also loves anything with buttons (the microwave) and Macaroni and cheese.  I could go on.  But I think my FAVORITE moment of the whole weekend was when I asked him to fold his arms like a good boy and Auntie would give him a piece of candy.  You guys, it was the most precious thing ever.  He folded his arms like a reverent little boy, but looked up with this smirk (because he knows he's cute) and his face screamed "Ok, give me candy now." haha.  So he folds his arms now.  It's the best.

2.) We brought Kiersten home with us.  I tried to set her up for what she was getting herself into, and I don't think I could have prepared her quite enough.  I told her that people just live simpler lives in Parma... I never realized this as much as I did this weekend helping Cole show her around town.  We really do live simpler lives.  Sure, it's still stressful but it's a different kind of stress.  Anyways, I love that town and the people in it.  I feel bad because it was quite possibly the worst weekend for her to come home because everyone was so stressed with James leaving for DC.  But in a way I guess it was kind of good.  Like, "Ok, if you want to date Cole, here's what he comes from!" haha. But she was so good about it and seemed to fit right in.  Everyone loves her, of course :)  

3.)  Families are funny.  With my family, we all love each other but that doesn't mean that we all "get" each other all the time or that we all get along all the time.  We think that some of the choices that are made are stupid, we don't communicate the best all the time, we want to slap each other occasionally and we bite out tongues a lot.  But at the end of the day, we love each other and we always will.  Our family might not have been at the strongest point this weekend.. there was a lot of miscommunication, grumpy attitudes and misunderstandings but we always end up coming together and making things work.  That is what I love the most about my family.  We try harder to make sense of things and we try our hardest to support each other.  It might be hard sometimes but we just do it.

4.) I've always known that I am the "middle" man in our family.  I guess it's fitting since I'm the dreaded middle child; everyone goes to you and they expect you to fix things.  I get it, and I'm glad that people love me enough and trust me enough to do that..Because if that, I have a special bond with each of my siblings and my parents that I don't think they have with anyone else in the family.  So I love that,  but it does get stressful at times.  And this weekend was one of those times.  It doesn't help that I'm a people-pleaser when it comes to people I love.  (Dang it!)  But I realized this weekend as I was driving back and forth, on the verge of tears, trying to make sure everyone was happy and no one felt neglected that there are sometimes where you just have to let people work out their issues on their own.  I'm going to work harder at that this year.  I can't fix everyone. ( I know anyone reading this is probably like "OBVI" but I'm really going to try to put more responsibility on others to fix their own problems and to try to not feel bad about not helping as much.  It's not going to be easy.. but I'm trying.)  So if you are in that same spot with anyone that you love right now.. talk to them about it.  Let them know that it's not fair to put all their crap on you.  But do it in love.  And if you're the person who doesn't have your crap pulled together, well, you know how I feel about that.   We all have out problems and it's not fair to expect other people to fight your battles.  They might do it because they love you but if you have something to say/do, say it or do it yourself.  It will seriously make your life less stressful and will make the people around you understand you better.  Don't hold in what you are feeling and only share with one person.  Tell the person you have a problem with ... guaranteed the other person knows there is a problem.  Just make things easier for yourself and get it out.  OK? done. moving on.

Happy note.  I totally got pulled over on the way home and I totally didn't even cry because I knew that there was no way that hot cop man wasn't going to give me a ticket. He came back to the car with only a written warning.  I was like WHAT?! seriously, things might be looking up for me this year after all :) 

OK.  I'll Stop---Here's Wednesday's post:

"Right now I feel as happy as Christmas."

-Kier after opening Valentines gift.

They celebrated Valentine's Day a day early this year because she had to work, but she really was that excited about opening gifts and sitting around listening to the record player she got Cole.  #presh

"I guess I could jackass a fart."

"I'm not kidding he even blow darted a fart."

-Mom talking about a jackass clip she saw.

She'll kill me for writing this but I just wanted you to know how funny/cool my mom is.  I'm not sure why she was talking about farting or jackass but she must have just wanted us to know how bizarre she thought it was..  I'm actually not 100% sure but 'blow darted a fart means.'  I don't want to know.  ew gross.  I won't even tell you what she accidentally called the movie title instead of it's already inappropriate title.  smh.  My mother.

"Boobie."

-Mason trying to say 'movie'

Jamie claims that I just have a sick mind but he legit says that when he's saying movie.  I just know it.  Of course he has no clue what he's saying and he doesn't know any better but I get a kick out of it.  Kids are so funny.

"Reeeeeeeaaaaal flat here."

-Kier about Idaho

This was the first thing she said about where we live.  It's totally a big difference coming from Utah where you are surrounded by mountains.. She was totally impressed by all the fields.  haha like, we took her to eat in one of Parma's food places "Boys Better Burgers" (we call it "Boys" for short) anyways, there was an Arial picture of Parma from a while ago and it's all open land surrounding out small town with tons of open fields of all different shapes, sizes and colors.  She saw it and said that she wants to make a quilt like that when she learns how to quilt. bahhaha. smh. 

"Jenn, that is disgusting."

-Jamie talking about Big Ang

She really was totally grossed out by her when I made them watch Mob Wives with me.  But I totally thought he was gross when I was first introduced to her too, until I realized how funny she is (and that she's for sure a women) Now I love her!

"I didn't know he knew how to say sorry."-me to Jaym about Mason

"Yeah, because he hits people." -Jamie

hahaha. Of course it's not funny that Mason hits people and I don't think he does it that much, but it's just funny for me to see him growing up and actually getting in trouble and having to apologize for things.  HA.  Hopefully he doesn't hit people in Nursery.  LOL. omg.

"Well, I love it."

-Kier about parma/our little farm

Of course she wasn't going to tell us that she hated it but I think she really did like it.  She even told my dad that she loved his farm.  Probably because she found eggs and she "felt like it was Easter but more real."  hahaha.  She's funny.

Valentines Day!

I walked into work this morning and saw that one of my coworkers had decorated another coworker's cube in red paper hearts and signs that read, "Happy Single Awareness Day."  At first glance I thought, "oh how nice" but then quickly remembered how I loathe people changing 'Valentine's Day' to 'Single Awareness Day' (also known as "S.A.D" by the depressed and lonely singles of this world and those few who are dating or married who like to rub it in single people's faces.  For the latter, I'm pretty sure that is grounds for going straight to H-E-double hockey sticks. Just sayin.  OK, maybe that was taking it too far but if you are one of those people then you are rude).

Whatever happened to those days where not having a boyfriend or girlfriend was totally acceptable and you made Valentine's Day cards for everyone in your life (class)?  The fact that those be-proud-of-who-you-are days are long gone for most of us is what makes me SAD.  If you're the type that is always in a relationship, great.  I love it.  If you are single and just just doing your thing, awesome.  Whatever your "status" is..embrace it.  Don't feel bad for yourself and please don't make anyone else feel bad for you. That's the worst. Just be who you are and love it.  As Mary Catherine Gallagher said in Superstar--
You are your own Rainbow.  

Think about that one for a second.  It's for real. Deep, Mary.  Deep. 

Confession time.

Two days ago my hair lady asked me if my dating life had changed in the last 4 months (don't judge.  I let my roots get WAY too out of control this time). Yesterday someone asked me if I was married.  My answer for the last 6 years or so to questions like these has always been, "Nooo, I don't date. I'm just having fun!...Hopefully someday I will care." Totally a cop out answer so I don't have to keep talking about things that most people won't even begin to understand but it's also not a lie either.  The truth is I don't date, I am having fun and while I only care a little right now, I really do know that someday I will care more about the whole dating/marriage thing.  I totally want to meet someone special someday, I fall in love, and have a kid or two but I have been fortunately blessed for all of my life to not give a crap.  Mostly. It's been nice really.  It's only when people point out that I'm single that I want to barf.  Not because of my relationship status on Facebook or because I'm sad but because I literally want to blow chunks simply to make people who ask me those questions get out of my face. Make sense?

So I'm not SAD that I'm single.  In fact, I'm having a great Valentine's Day and I'm pretty happy. 

Yesterday, Cole and Kier celebrated Valentine/s Day early because she has to work late tonight.  They came home after and each gave me a little gift.  I sincerely know that coming from them it wasn't out of pity (like last Valentine's Day..omg. let's not get started) but just simply because they love me.  And I really appreciated that.  Then of course the parentals sent a few gift cards because they are the best.  I know it's not about the gifts and you really don't have to buy me things to show me that you love me, but it is nice to know that people care.

So Valentines Day is totally what you make it just like every other day is totally what you make it.  It's not about being single or having that "special someone." (although I'm sure that's nice) but it's about love and relationships in general...being loved and loving people.  It's about having a special day to show people that you care about them and appreciate them.  Like I said, you don't have to buy anything if you don't want to.  Just be kinder to each other today.  Help each other out.  Have fun together.  Celebrate that you are in each others lives.  Parents, siblings, friends, lovers.. whatever the case, 
Just love.
Oh and totally cheat and eat some chocolate. 

Oh ...and save the flowers!! 
jk. I won't get into all the flowers that are murdered on this day.
ok. I love flowers just as much as anyone else but I can never understand why they are so expensive and I just feel bad for them when they die and you have no control over it.  For me? Spring for a plant that I can water and keep alive.

I'm weird. Amen.

Happy Valentines Day everyone!! 
Creepy virtual hugs all around :)

Wednesday, duh.

"Are you a professional duct-taper now?
-Nieko
Here's the thing though, I really am.  If you had a close look at my animal print, duct tape chairs I have in my kitchen, you would probably be so impressed with me that you would have no other choice but to give me a high five on the spot. I'm that good.

"Have fun. Drive Safe. No Hookers."
-Savanna
Dang it.  No hookers? What kind of a trip is that?! jk.  She's funny.

"I'm turning 21. Can you believe it."- Girl at Liz's Slumber Party
"Um.I'm already 22."- Amanda
"Ew. That's gross." -Same Girl
This was one of those moments where you're like... "really?!" and then you want to punch the girl in the face even though you know she's semi-kidding.  I'm sure she's real nice but after that I was like? "I'm 25.  Why am I even here? You're immature annnnnd a little annoying."  And then I remembered that I was there for Liz and I was over it.  Luckily I bit my tounge. It's one thing to speak up when it's your friends because then you can all just laugh about how old I am in comparison to all the other fetuses surrounding me.. but when you don't know the people it's just embarrassing.

"Yoga Pants.  It's like wearing no pants, only more socially acceptable."
-Same girl as the last comment.
After she said this comment and I got a total kick out of it, she got less annoying.  So that's good.  But really wearing yoga pants is basically like being naked.  And for it to totally be acceptable?  ...God bless America.

"I should be cleaning a place like this, not sleeping in it."
-Kier about our Suite at the Cosmopolitan in Vegas
I'm sure you saw the picture but the hotel is super fancy!  So it was fun taking Kier there...especially since she'd 1-Never been to Vegas before, 2-Layton to Las Vegas was her longest car ride/trip ever and 3-She told me that she's mostly stayed at places like Best Westerns and other places equally...awesome.  haha. Anyway, she was so much fun taking there.  I just love that she said this.  I pictured her being a little foreigner cleaning all the rooms, knocking on doors saying, "house keeping?" 

(*not that ALL housekeepers in the hotel world are foreigner but you know what I'm saying)

"I want to get punched by Mike Tyson!"
-Cole
You guys--There was a line to meet Mike Tyson outside of a store at the Planet Hollywood mall area.  Did we want to wait in the long line? No.  But Cole really did want to get punched by Mike Tyson.  Can you imagine though?! Being able to say that you've been punched by him?  The guy is crazy. And I'm pretty sure he's not all there? Did I make it up? I can't remember.  He just has that look. Oh, and that whole ear thing...Anyways.

"Oh LOOK! She got a Dooney !"-Me
"What's that?" -Kier
Bless her.

"Wow that skittle must have been in there a long time, it doesn't have any flavor."
-Sam about a skittle he found under the couch cushion.
I just want to know who, other than a 3 year old, eats something they found in a couch?  hahaha. Seriously. 


"Hiya Moms.  You look like more of the mom type."
-Dwayne the homeless guy at the Gas station after the concert 
I have had conversations and made friends with the weirdest of people in my days but there are a few people I just don't feel comfortable around.  (Most) homeless people being the only category I will mention right now so you don't think a big old racist, which, I am not.  Anyways, after the concert I pretty much felt like I was going to die.  Like, "Am I a 90 year old diabetic? Because I am that sore and THAT thirsty." It was bad. (don't get me wrong, the concert was AMAZING!)  So after we ran across the street to this ghetto Market attached to a subway across from the Hard Rock to get water.  We sat down and started guzzling our Liters of h20, minding our own business, when this homeless black guy (with surprisingly the nicest teeth) come up to us with the opening line of "Smells like weed in here." which it did not.  Then he sat down next to sam.  I instantly started to think of ways that I could get out of the conversation that was about to happen because I knew it would lead to asking fore money.  I know it's rude.  He told us about how the cops kicked him out of the Subway just brushing his teeth.  Then he asked us for our names and put out his hands to shake them.  First he told cole he looked like Super man.  I'm guessing just because he's big? I don't know.  Then he reached out his hand and said "hiya moms." omg. Not only did I not really want to shake his hand (rude I know, but I just figured a friendly smile would suffice instead of participating in a germ exchange) but then he called me "MOMs?" oh HEELLLLLLL nah. 

 Whatevs.  Sounds about right.

Long story short.  Cole gave him 4 bucks for bus fare and he suckered sam out of $15 worth of food.  I kid you not.  He was one of those who knew he had Sam hook-line-and-Sinker and he took advantage of it. "Oh I need some chips." "oh a Sandwich." And just kept going.  Don't worry.  Sam won exactly $15 bucks back gambling.  #blessings.

omg. I'm going to go work on doing some non-momish things.  gah #FML.