You're probably going to think I'm lame, but I just went back and read some of my own blogs from this time last year. After reading some of the posts I decided a couple things:
1- Hands down, I was a better blogger last year. That was before I decided that I didn't want to do it as much because everyone was blogging, I was tired of putting so much thought into my posts and, at the time, I didn't just want to be "another blog" that was blowing up everyone's FB feed. So, I decided to stop posting them on FB and well, I still posted but I guess I just stopped putting as much thought into them.
2-As I read through the old posts that had meaning, I loved it. I loved that it really took me back to those exact times and that I was able to remember the details because I had taken the time to write them down. Yes, aside from some hand written notes from church and some other things, this has become my virtual journal.
3-I've changed a lot since last year. I can almost feel it as I read the words that I typed in those older posts. I'm not quite sure if I love all of the changes. Actually, I know I don't. So...I'll be working on that.
I guess that's just how life goes; We change. I've blogged about that a lot but that's just because it happens all the time. In fact, it happens everyday. I guess the important part is making sure that we make good decisions, figure out who we are and what we want from life, learn from our mistakes, and try to pull our crap together.
I had a talk with a good friend about a week ago. I can't tell you exactly what we talked about because I promised I would keep it a secret for now (you know how much I love secrets). But, in that one conversation, I was able to talk about change, which is a topic that I tend to avoid sometimes when I know it's going to be hard.
This friend told me about what they are going through right now and how they had made some pretty big life decisions. Immediately, I got a little jealous. I was jealous that they had courage, that they had made this decision and weren't looking back, that they were so happy, and jealous/upset that they were making such a good change in their life; something I've been trying to figure out/do for a while now. Of course Jealousy is never really a good thing, but at that time, as we were sitting there chatting, after I got over how things would probably change for me with this person's decision, the jealousy that I felt for a few minutes turned into motivation.
Hopefully it's not just me, but there are some things in life that we know we need to do or change but we just can't get ourselves to do it because we lack courage or faith. Even though we can sometimes find ourselves miserable and feeling like we haven't reached our potential, we don't want to do the things that deep down we know we need to do because it's either toohard, or we know that we will lose something or someone in the process.
...But if we know what we need to be doing, even if it is hard at first and will change some things, I think we all know that it will be worth it.
Every decision we make effects our future. I would just hate to be the one who didn't have courage and make certain changes simply because I was lazy and afraid.
I guess I can take the lesson I learned from my friend, and that lion on Wizard of Oz. Instead of pushing aside certain things, we just need to have a little courage...and with that, Faith that things will work out!
..Oh, and I'll be trying to put a little more thought into my posts. Not for anyone else, but for ME so that I can go back and remember exactly where I was, what I learned and how I felt.
Amazing what blogging (Virtual journaling;)) can do for you!
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