All through High School and college the word "settle" was never in my vocabulary. I was involved in virtually everything I was interested in and had the time to do, I had great grades, goals and dreams. I was going somewhere! (Ok. Not that I'm not going somewhere now, but I think you understand what I mean.)
I've blogged about letting yourself get comfortable before, because, let's face it...it's SO easy to do. (Who doesn't like being comfortable? And no, I'm not talking about the "put on sweats and take off your bra" kind of comfortable, which I love). We enjoy being comfortable because comfortable is easy. But, sooner or later, something usually happens...inevitable change. Sometimes little changes don't make much of a difference in our lives. Some are so small that we are able to pick up, adjust, and carry on. However, there are some changes that seem to rock you and you want to be like "WAH, why now?!" or, "Will someone please just tell me what to do?" or just "MERP," sometimes followed with a dramatic lip pout or ugly cry. I digress.
I think this is happening right now. Currently, I'm at that moment where I'm trying to figure it out. Where comfortable is feeling lazy.
I think it all started with the move. I'm in a new apartment, in a new area, and a new ward. Oh, and let's not forget to mention that Cole is home again. I love all of these things. I dig the new apartment that is finally starting to feel like home, and I think I'm really going to enjoy my new ward. But as I try to help Cole figure out what he's going to do next, I can't help thinking about what I am doing and where I am.
Don't get me wrong, I love my job and I couldn't have asked for a better start to my career. But, like with most college graduates in their starting job, it isn't what I want to do forever. I know that no one expects that of me but I have just been so busy being comfortable that I've forgotten about where I want to go next.
Basically, put me in my oversized kitten t-shirt from walmart and call me lazy. That's what's up.
Basically, put me in my oversized kitten t-shirt from walmart and call me lazy. That's what's up.
As I talked to my mom last night she reminded me of the potential that I have and stressed the importance of being happy with what you are doing so that you will want to continue doing it. I stayed home last night to let myself have one moment to think about me and where I am with my personal self. As I laid on my floor and starred at the ceiling and sort of meditated (don't make fun, I do this whenever I get the chance), I realized that I don't have it figured out and I may have forgotten about some of my goals and what I eventually want to be doing... It's one thing to take it slow, but to forget and do nothing about it? That's a problem.
I may not know what I'm supposed to be doing yet but I do know this:
I have great potential and whatever it is that I want to do someday, It probably won't be easy, but I can do whatever I put my mind too. Right now, it's just a matter of working on some prioritizing and not letting myself get lazy and just figuring it all out. I might be feeling a little lost right now, but I know that's my own fault. I guess I just need to try to figure some things out so I can have some revelation/help in figuring out what the Lord has in store for me and where I need to be and what I need to be doing. I long for the day I can again be like "get thee hence satan" *with attitude of course* Aka: Dear world, stop being so entertaining so I can prioritize my life and figure it all out. So I can once again have some of those strong feelings I used to have all the time when I had things in check and it was like: "GO to BYU Idaho" or "I know you don't have a job but move to Salt Lake City after you graduate anyways" or my favorite "Stay in Layton" followed with the "I think I'm going to barf" sick feeling. I might not have understood those things then but I do now and I just haven't felt those strong promptings for a while and I know exactly why.
humph. Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks like this?
No, I still don't have it figured out. I don't know what to do next BUT, I'm just going to start with Prioritizing. oh.. and Praying like crazy.
4 comments:
Jenn I love you. That's all there is to it. This facebook fast is killin' me and I've thought all day today that it was Wednesday and kept waiting for you to post so I'd have something to do instead of whatever else I'm doing to replace facebook and I came to check your blog (even though I finally figured out it's Tuesday) and there was this! I have been feeling like that lately. I think mine stems from the job search I'm on and just not knowing where to go or what to do and feeling like the heavens have been silenced. I hope you can get things figured out soon. Thanks for sharing. You're the best!
Oh Jenn you've read my mind. I feel the same way and I'm making huge changes in my life. My huge thing is being lazy is easier than being afraid. All of which are bad. Being lazy is so easy, but I realized last night after going to FHE in like 2 months that I stopped caring about things that were most important to me, like my church callings, hello! It's easy to be lazy, but life isn't about being easy! You'll figure it out, and don't be afraid because the Jenn I know can do ANYTHING she wants and still will be successful and everyone will love her anyway!!
I believe in you, God believes in you. You can do this. Whatever it is that you're feeling, I promise you that everything will be okay. You are strong and beautiful and I know that nothing is going to stand in your way for the goals that you want to achieve. You my friend are AMAZING and one Hell of a woman. You can do this :) xoxo
You're fabulous. That's all I have to say.
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