I will start with the couple I wrote down for the last two weeks but never did the post because I didn't have enough stuff back up a full post.
While I was out :
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"Does she use 'the C'?"
-Amy's way of asking if a certain girl was being responsible when she meets up with all these men from the online dating website.
Clearly "the C" is short for Condom. haha. I love that she's married and she totally whispered "the C" as if condom was a bad word or something. Yes, we were at work so I get it but it totally made my day. That girl is FUNNY!! But, let's get real...I hope the girl we were talking about is using "the C' because you don't know where some of those crazies come from. I will reference online dating again at the end of this post and you'll see what I mean.
"Nieko, quit making Jenn scream."
-Mary Waite
Mary Waite is Liz's mom. Not sure why we like calling her by her full name but we all just do it. A few weeks ago we were having a fire in Liz's backyard and I decided to go into the dark hellish wood shed that they have back there. Of course Nieko came up and pounded on the side of the shed and I got scared. I will stick with my argument and say that I wasn't being dramatic when I let out that blood curdling scream. But it was midnight, and their house is surrounded by neighbors so Mary Waite was only looking out for them but when she came out and said that ^^^... we laughed pretty hard even though we know she didn't mean anything by it. I guess @Mindblown put it straight when they tweeted the other day that "69% of all people find something dirty in every sentence."
[see what I mean?]
Mary Waite is Liz's mom. Not sure why we like calling her by her full name but we all just do it. A few weeks ago we were having a fire in Liz's backyard and I decided to go into the dark hellish wood shed that they have back there. Of course Nieko came up and pounded on the side of the shed and I got scared. I will stick with my argument and say that I wasn't being dramatic when I let out that blood curdling scream. But it was midnight, and their house is surrounded by neighbors so Mary Waite was only looking out for them but when she came out and said that ^^^... we laughed pretty hard even though we know she didn't mean anything by it. I guess @Mindblown put it straight when they tweeted the other day that "69% of all people find something dirty in every sentence."
[see what I mean?]
"Why are you walking like a gimp?"
-Nieko to my friend Mandy who unfortunately has Rheumatoid Arthritis.
hahaha. The only reason why we can laugh about this so hard is that it's Mandy, and she's basically the best person I know so of course she died laughing too. Nieko is just one of those people that if he thinks it then he usually just says it. He wasn't meaning it to be rude, he was just hoping for some good story about how she tripped and hurt her leg or something like that. Nope. I had to tell him that she is 25 and has a pretty bad disease. I'm just so glad we could turn the serious issue into a funny situation. I've never seen Nieko so embarrassed. Best. thing. Ever.
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Ok, back on track to this past week (don't mind the fact that I'm still trying to remember to write things down again)
"Cute purple hair."
-Coworker complimenting another coworker.
This would be fine if it was said to some teenager or Katy Perry, but this lady is 60 or so (a grandma) and has legit purple hair all over. The whole thing is awkward at best. At first I thought it was a mistake and she just came into work thinking that she would go for an appointment after work to get it fixed or something. nope. It's like over a month later and her hair is still purple. Not OK. It's just one of those moments where you see it and you're shocked so you compliment it but deep down you're like Regina George in Mean Girls and are really thinking "Thatistheugliesteffingthingi'veeverseen."
don't lie. You've done it.
don't lie. You've done it.
"Is there a moon in this country?"
-Snooki about the moon in Mexico.
*crickets* Nope. There is a different moon for every country but guess what.. the Mexicans don't get one. Duh.
"ARE YOU A WHORE?!?!"
-Jared to Jessica after she bit him on the shoulder.
Imagine him yelling this in the tent of our YSA camping trip. Like, instantly after the bite all loud and upset. I couldn't stop laughing. First of all, most people would just say, "YOU WHORE!" after something like that happened, but nope, Jared asked her if she was one. I think that was the best part of it. That, and I don't get her thing with biting but she did it a few times. hahaha. poor jared. WAH.
"Have you seen the preview for the new Halla Berry movie?"
-Willy
UGH. If only you could really hear the way he said it. He wasn't joking because he said it like that twice...even AFTER we made fun of him for doing it. Oh 'Willa'. It was so funny that I couldn't even concentrate on what he was saying about the HallaBerry Movie. haha. I mean, Halle.Berry.
"A guy has to have three things. 1.) know how to dance. 2.) have a hot body and 3.) dress well"
-Liz.. and then I added the #3 in there before she could get to it.
Sure, we were watching Step Up 4 when we made this list but let's get real. Those men? Smokin' hot! One of the main guys even looks like Frodo Baggins a little and because of his hot bod, dance skills, and homeboy clothes/ways (totally does it for me), I just couldn't get enough of him. MMMM MMMM BABY :) Maybe a little unrealistic of expectations of what an ideal guy has to be like. But at that moment, in the theater last night, that list was legit. NO GRAY areas.
Give me a couple days and I'll get over it.
"A guy has to have three things. 1.) know how to dance. 2.) have a hot body and 3.) dress well"
-Liz.. and then I added the #3 in there before she could get to it.
Sure, we were watching Step Up 4 when we made this list but let's get real. Those men? Smokin' hot! One of the main guys even looks like Frodo Baggins a little and because of his hot bod, dance skills, and homeboy clothes/ways (totally does it for me), I just couldn't get enough of him. MMMM MMMM BABY :) Maybe a little unrealistic of expectations of what an ideal guy has to be like. But at that moment, in the theater last night, that list was legit. NO GRAY areas.
Give me a couple days and I'll get over it.
"Blah Blah Blah, Let's have dirty sex."
-user Alex24r to my coworker on the dating site, 'Plenty of Fish' [for those of you who are interested]
check it. I know that ^ may seem a little inappropriate to post on the blog to some of you but I DIED laughing at it because that is the crap that a lot of these guys are after on some of these sites. [Hence the STD/CRAZIES comment at the beginning of the post.] Honestly, my coworker starting the whole 'online dating journey' a month a go was the best things since butter popcorn (anyone catch the MobWives Chicago reference there? ha). But on the real, I'm tempted to join purely for the entertainment. There are so many weirdos out there. Annnndd you know how I do ;). haha. jk. Not happening. But can you imagine what it would do for my Wednesday segments? hmmm...
Lastly, did I mention that I have a new Asian friend? I know right. I can't believe I just typed that. weird. But basically I didn't write down any of his stuff because, well, he's Asian and for some reason the way he says everything is so funny to me so I realized that it probably might not be as funny for reals to everyone else, it's just... that he's Asian, AND a convert to the church, which, in itself is freaking hilarious. Ha. I will try to capture some good things from him this next week. But until then I just wanted to announce the thing about the asian friend because...It's kind of a big deal.
2 comments:
Haha this segment was pretty funny! I totally forgot about the C comment I made. Good thing you write this stuff down:)
I missed the Wednesday post. Glad to have it back. :)
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