Did I miss 2015?

I don't think it's very fair that I didn't even do one blog post for all of 2015.  I quit posting and the year just flew by.   I have a couple of friends who have mentioned that they started reading my old blog posts again.  I've received Snap Chats of funny things and I can't stop laughing about them.  Of course, it's not because I think that i'm funny (which I do think that some days), but it's because of the funny memories that I have posted on here.  How would I ever remember about the time that Sam ate monkey bread out of the garbage without this blog?  I've been laughing about that one for a full day now.  I really do believe in writing stuff down so I can remember things but sometimes it's such a chore.

I thought that I would just start doing a hand written journal but that didn't happen.  My other thought was that I would start fresh and create a new blog.  The only problem is that the other stuff is too good to just forget about.  It's my life for crying out loud!  Since it's the new year I figured I would do a random post of 5 things that happened in 2015.

1 & 2.) I moved back to Idaho and bought a house!  This is for sure the number one thing that happened in 2015.   I always knew that I would move back to Idaho.  I love Idaho.  The only problem was that I had made some really good friends in Utah and the thought of breaking away from them kind of made me sick.  I'd spent the last 4 years with them and they had sort of became my family.  Not to mention my brother Cole and sister-in-law Kier lived there.   How could I leave them?  I knew that they probably didn't need me around all the time but I for sure needed all of them.

I got a new job proposition through my company last summer and the thought of taking it meant that I would be in Utah for longer.  I kept having these thoughts even though I really did love being there. But I had also been super over living in an apartment but I knew that it would be so much more money to buy a house in Utah.  I was going to be 28 so that means that I had lived in an apartment for 10 years.  Many different apartments actually (10 to be exact--since I moved around a lot in Rexburg, but still.. that's a lot of apartments and a crap ton of roommates).

Instead of taking this new job opportunity I was given the chance to work from home in the current position I am in with Franklin Covey.  I cried about it too many times.  I knew it was something I had to try or I would regret it but I didn't want to leave at the same time.  Long story short, I committed to the decision.  I started looking for houses in September and signed all the papers on November 2nd,  It all happened so fast.  I still cry sometimes when I think about all the work I still have to do on my house to get it the way that I want and when I think about how all my friends in Utah get to hang out and I'm not going to be there.  It's hard.  But it really was a good time to do it.  We were all growing up, none of us were meeting people who we could really date and were kind of just doing the same things over and over again well... now I'm alone.  It's all good though. It took me a year to meet people when I was in Utah and I don't expect anything different with this move.  Bottom line, I know that things work out the way that they are supposed to.  I love my cute little house and will love it 100 times more once I get it all painted and decorated and all the special projects done that I have in mind.  It has a lot of potential that's for sure!

It's a cute little house in the subdivision in Notus, Idaho.  It's the smallest little town only 7 minutes from my parents and grandma.  There's nothing in the town at all but it's only a 15 minute drive to Costco/target.  I was always meant to be in a small town.  I got really used to the city over the last 10 years but I never felt like I could breathe there. Literally.  I would sometimes have panic attacks because I wanted to go for a walk outside without having to be around so many people or on main street.  I love a country road and less people.  Also, all the green and farm land around here in the summer is everything!

3.)  I got a bunny.  The number one question or concern people have for me now that I live alone in a house is "Don't you get lonely?" Honestly, sometimes it is lonely.  But not any more lonely than it was when I had roommates.  We all did our own thing and I used to just spend a lot of time in my room.  Now I get to have the living room to myself.  The bunny helps though.  She's not your typical pet.  I need to google it but I don't think bunnies know how to listen.  Either that or this bunny really is just living up to her name.  I've named her Regina George from one of my favorite movies "Mean Girls."  She's the queen bee around here.  She loves shoes and clothes (chewing them, that is), she's a show off, she's super tiny, keeps herself looking good with her own grooming, and she's naughty.  She's truly a Regina.  I love her!  Even though she's not good at cuddling most days, it's just nice to have something to take care of.  She relies on me and whens he sees me she gets super excited and wants out of her cage.  I love giving her treats and watching her run and jump around.  I'm trying to make her a nice girl but until I can figure out how to get rid of all cords in my house, I think that's a lost cause.

4.) I got a nicer, newer car!  This summer I decided I was officially done with my car after someone at my old apartment complex decided to rip my side mirror off.  I just rolled my eyes and that week traded it in.  I have a Ford Fusion now with black leather seats which is all I ever wanted in my life.  Ok, I'm joking.  But I really do love it.  The only problem is that I can't really keep it clean.  I go to visit mom and dad all the time so keeping the dirt and mud out of it is pointless.  Oh, and the dust!  eek.  I'm getting used to letting that one go.

5.) I have a new nephew!!  This really should be number one on the list but it doesn't seem like this happened in 2015 but it totally did.  His name is Corbin Wade and he was born in June.  He is seriously the cutest.  I hate that they live so far away.  I was able to fly out to see him a couple days after he was born and he was just so tiny.  I held him as much as I could while I was there.  Waiting for him and his family to come and visit is a nightmare.  They moved to Michigan in August and they haven't made it out to visit yet.  He's so huge and he doesn't even know us which makes me super sad.  We face time occasionally which is great but it's not the same.  In my perfect world, I would live less than a 5 hour drive from everyone I love.

I'm sure so many other things happened in 2015 and that I learned a lot of lessons.  But really, these are the biggest things that stand out.  It was a year of decisions, changes, crying and laughing and more crying because I turned 28 at the end of November.  All jokes aside about my age, I really feel like turning 28 was super easy.  The trick is to already think you are older than you are.  You see, I've thought I was 30 since I turned 25.  So when I remember that i'm 28 I can't get over how young I am.

2016 will hopefully be filled with less hard, life changing decisions and more fun experiences. I've already been asked to help with a couple of fun jobs outside of work which I am really excited about.  I just plan to fill up my time with doing new things, even if that means I have to do them by myself.  I don't mind.  I think I'm kind of cool.  Now if I can't just get my mom to forget that I promised that when I turned 28 I would start online dating.  Although, if I could find some dude soon then maybe he could start doing some free labor on my back yard renovations this summer.. hmmm... I'll let you know when "hell freezes over."  I hear it might be when I turn 29 now? Stay tuned.

There's still hope. Maybe?

I can't believe it's Fall.  It's my favorite time of year.  I was able to visit Parma last weekend with Kier, I've already started my Christmas Shopping, the lady I offered the job to on my team accepted the offer and I am just feeling good. 

Oh yeah.  I think I mentioned the promotion at work and how I'm lead of the VA operations team? Well, that sounded amazing until I found out at the same time that my other teammate accepted another job in Washington.  It was horrible timing but after all was said and done I'm happy that she was able to move closer to family and be back in the hotel industry like she wanted.  It did leave things a little crazy for me though. Right at that same time as taking on new responsibilities, we had also renewed our big contract with the client and then it was just me.  To say I've been "busy" the last month would be an understatement.  I've been doing the job of what used to be 2.5 people and at the same time had to go through the hiring process of a new Meeting Planner.  Luckily, after some weird issues, I found an internal hire who is going to start November 3rd and I think she will be just great.  I'm excited to train her and to get some help!

Visiting home last weekend was so fun.  It's much different when you don't have a three year old running around.  It was a different kind of fun.  We ate good food/junk, made yummy treats, went to the movies, watched a movie with grandma, and helped mom and dad with some of their holiday craft ideas and with a craft show they did.  My parents make the cutest crafts, I swear.  I still find myself getting a little jealous every now and again when I think about how talented they are.

Of course my dad always cracks me up when I'm around him.  We were driving out to the craft show on Friday morning and he got a call on his flip phone.  (he will never get a smart phone. We'll save that for another time).  We didn't know who had called but I heard him say "Oh wow, Yes, I will come in and get it later today or tomorrow.  Great--Thanks!"  It sounded like something pretty good.  Right as he got off the phone he proclaimed "I won the Jolly Ranchers at the credit union! AGAIN! I'm such a good GUESSER."  Yes.  He legit yelled that last part.  He was so excited about it.  Kier and I asked what he won because, you know, who just makes the prize be the actual jar of candy?  Nope.  He won the Jolly Ranchers and he loved that he won them.  I still can't stop laughing about it.  It was the best.

I love that about my dad.  He finds joy in the simplest things and he's just hilarious.  I mean, I didn't laugh too hard when he scolded me for not praying daily that I'll find a husband.  Apparently he does.  That was a tenderly annoying moment.  I'm glad that he prays for that for me everyday.  It's a nice thing, really.  But I also feel like it might eventually get old? like me. haha  I don't know.  I suppose I'll take the daddy-worrisome prayers. I'm hoping they will eventually work.  I might need to start praying for that just to follow his fatherly counsel but also add in "..and if I don't find a husband that my dad won't be disappointed. amen." Oh that father of mine.  Gotta love him.

I really have no point to this post other than to let you know that I'm alive and that I'm happy.   Life just seems to be rolling and I'm super grateful for everything I have.  I feel so blessed for all the people I have in my life and the opportunities that I see everyday to become a better person and to learn more.  Life is just good.

Learn from mistakes. No regrets.

You always hear people say that you’re supposed to live without regrets.  It’s basically saying, “don’t do crap that you know you’ll feel sorry or sad about after you do it and make sure you take every opportunity to reach for things that you want to do or to have happen in your life because life is short.”  Easier said than done sometimes.   I don’t have a lot of regrets.  I mean, I regret not buying the teeny tiny orange pocket Shakespeare book I found at Barnes and Noble back in February.  I really can’t find it anywhere online now.  I loved that thing.  It just seemed like, well, something I didn’t need at the time.  You see, I’m usually a very anti-spend-money-on-pointless-things kind of girl.  Turns out that book wouldn’t have been pointless at all because I’ve thought about it way more than any person should ever think about a thing.  Alas, here I am months later and I still can’t stop thinking about that cute and tiny orange Shakespeare book.  When it comes to things that actually matter, though, I sometimes catch myself thinking about things I wish I would have done differently in a week or a month or something and I learn from them.  While they are regrets for a brief minute or so, I’ve realized that every decision I’ve made whether it be bad or good has made me the person I am today. 

The last couple of weeks I’ve caught myself being a little too honest with people to the point where I know it comes off as rude. I don’t love doing that but it’s so hard to sit and watch people be so rude and never have a positive thing to say about anything.  At the end of the day, I lay in bed and think about things I did, what I temporarily regret, and what I can do to improve.  One of those things is “word vomit.”  I try not to be rude to people but when they are being so negative and rude I feel morally obligated to put them in their place and positively oppose.  I know this isn't right and I don’t think about it usually.  That's how word vomit happens.  My brain doesn't think it first, it just spews right out my mouth.  Let's just say that it doesn't always come out the way I'd like it to.

I made a comment to a friend this weekend after their millionth negative comment that was very valid, true, and rude. Then came the inevitable, yet brief regret.  I’ve realized that doing this probably doesn’t help and just adds more contention.  I’m going to work on that.  But I’m not saying that I’m going to stop standing up to the negativity.  I just probably need to stop and think about things before I decide to let words come out of my mouth that could be hurtful even if I feel that they are valid and true.  I’m usually pretty good to recover and I’m sure I’m thinking about it more than she has but I made cookies just to make sure we were good.  (Side note—This life is about figuring out who you are and what you truly believe.  Continually strive to figure that out.  Don’t just go through the motions of life doing things just because you’re told that’s what you’re supposed to do.  Figure it out for yourself. Why do you really do the things you do?  What are you working toward?  What do you believe?  Think about it. Really. Rant over.)

So I guess I do briefly regret things.  But that means I’m living I think.  I do things, I learn from them, (most of the time) and I try to do better the next time. I really believe that's what we are supposed to be doing on Earth. I can’t promise that I won’t hurt anyone’s feelings again this week by being overly honest but I can promise that I will work on it.  I do think it’s a good thing to think about regrets often.  Don’t dwell on them because what’s done is done but you can think about things that you do and what you wish you would have done differently at the end of each week.  You can’t take things back but you can learn from them and grow and hopefully you will do better the next time! I really believe that as long as you learn from your mistakes, there is nothing to regret. Just try to do better.  That's all you can do!

Of course I think the worst kind of regrets, though, are usually when we sit back and don’t reach for things that we want.  I don’t really have any of those regret as of yet that I can think of but I think that’s where the motto “live without regrets” comes from.  It’s one of those things you say to yourself when you’re trying to work up the courage to do something big.  I agree.  If you want something (good and positive) you should just try.  You don’t want to live in a land of “what if’s.”  Be brave.  Take chances.  Make things happen.  Forgive yourself for crap you did in the past.  Learn from mistakes.  Grow.  Be happy. And if you find a teeny tiny orange pocket Shakespeare book anywhere..let me know.

July.

Don’t be surprised that I didn’t write in July.  It’s been a crazy summer.  Not that I’ve done anything incredibly amazing, really.  Long story short, I spent almost all of July going back and forth between a couple of different job possibilities within my company.  Through the experiences I re-learned a couple of things.

    1)  If you want something, you have to speak up and do something about it.

   2)  There is a plan for everyone.  Sometimes it isn’t what we expect.  At all.

 For a while now I had been toying with the idea of applying for some different jobs.  This wasn’t because I hated my current situation.  In fact, I’d had things so good that I couldn’t even fathom venturing out for a while because I was so comfortable.  I’ve said this all before.  When I got back from my Maryland trip at the end of June there was just something inside of me that sparked and gave me the courage to start looking into the Event Coordinator position I’d been contracted to work on all summer on a temporary basis while they tried to hire someone new.  For a couple of weeks, everything seemed great.  I was ready to switch job roles, make some more money, and bust out of the comfortable spot so that I could learn more and grow in my career.  But then life threw me one of those little curve balls.  

My current boss caught wind that I was thinking about switching to another team and he wasn’t having it.  He seriously is the best.  He pulled me into his office and we sat down and talked about what I wanted to do, what I liked doing, and where I see myself a few years down the road.  Not many bosses do that.  We talked about reforming my job to take on a lot more responsibilities and that he would be able to match the raise I would be getting with the other job.  It was nice having people kind of fight for me.  Like my supervisor said, “WOW, you have two dates for the Prom.” That’s kind of what it felt like.  It’s not a secret that I’ve never had two guys fight over me. [Actually, I take that back.  There was this one time I had two friends get jealous over my relationship with the other person, but that was just because I was super cool.  And humble, obviously.]  But it felt really good to be recognized for my hard work and talents. 

Once the offers were on the same level I knew that I would be crazy to leave working with such a great boss who would be willing to work with me to make my job roles fit my talents and what I like to do but to also give me a push and a challenge so that I would be learning more and expanding my resume.  It really only took the walk from his office to my desk to realize that I was going to turn down the Event Coordinator position.  Even though they came back later offering me a little more money for the EC job, I just felt so at peace with staying with my current team that I instantly turned down that extra chunk of money.  I felt a little dumb about that at first.  I mean, people struggle these days and would love to have that extra money. I realized through it all that money is important BUT, it’s not everything.  Sometimes you have to trust your gut (AKA the spirit) and have faith that everything will work out just the way it’s supposed to.  I know that’s true.  I’ve had many times where something like this has happened in my life and I always look back and am so grateful for the way things worked out because it always points me in a good direction.  You guys, God really does have a plan for everyone and is watching out for you and wants to see you succeed.  On the other side of it, too, I know that he will be there to lift me up if and when I fail.  It’s a good feeling.

So that’s where I’m at right now.  I’m a little bummed that the EC position didn’t come with a team that was more organized and that it wasn’t a right fit for me in the end because I know I could have rocked that job. I mean, we know that’s what I like doing.  Event Planning. That's always been the direction.  But sometimes a job is a job.  It’s not everything.  I’ve honestly never really had big dreams set on being a doctor or a teacher or anything like that.  But I know that’s OK.  I’m really just living my life the best that I can.  I feel good about where I’m at.  Yes, it’s good to have dreams but I’m a firm believer that ultimate dreams and successes in life don’t always have to be about jobs and future careers.  Just keep challenging yourself and be happy :)

Trust, honesty, pretending, and a post that I've started and stopped writing three times.

It's been a long time..[I shouldn't have left you, left you.]  Oh sorry.  I really started singing right there.  Anyways, it has been a while but don't worry, I'm fine! 

 Remember how I told you that I was probably going to get pimped out for special projects at work for the summer?  Well, they actually reassigned me to a different practice for the entire summer since their Director of Events quit after three months of being here..(drama!)  Anyways, with that being said, I'm currently working with the Education team on a big project helping them plan their 2015 Symposium's.  It's been really busy, crazy, and all things in between.  Overall, though, it's been a good experience thus far. I don't really love sudden changes but once I got the hang of it, I remembered that I can pretty much do whatever.  That's been a nice little reminder. Like, "Hey, you're actually pretty good at this stuff!" It's nice. I'll be ready for the summer to be over and back to my old job around August/September I'm sure.  But right now I'm just happy I have something to keep me busy.  

Changing things up totally keeps life interesting.  

-------------------

I've been thinking a lot the past couple of weeks about honesty and trust.  My coworker always has the worst online dating horror stories.  I've realized that these constant stories over the last couple of years has kind of turned me into an untrusting person. Is that a word? Whatever, you get it.  I'm trustworthy but I'm not dumb enough to believe that Ryan So-and-So from Provo, Utah is super wealthy, has his own private Jet, and is trying to find love on a free dating site.  Sorry.

 At the beginning of her online dating journey there were a few people who seemed pretty great at first and I was actually excited for her! ...Until one of them ended up wanting to Skpe to show her the razor-back yellow nightie he got himself whilst shopping one week.  That was the end of that. 


Overall it's a little disappointing.  Pretty much every new person that she starts to talk about I have to hold myself back because I feel so cynical. Don't get me wrong, though, I want her to find love! I really do.  I also want to believe that there aren't that many sketchy people in the world but that would be crazy to believe.  What I don't get is why people insist on lying so much?! If you're really wanting to find love, then why would you lie?  It's annoying! I mean if I decide that i'm going to start online dating then my main mission is to 1.) find love and 2.) not get murdered. That's it.  You would think that ones mission to find love would at least be led with honesty. I just don't understand all the false information I hear people giving through my coworkers stories.  


All online dating stories aside, I think we all do that sometimes even to the people we love the most.  Maybe we aren't telling full blown lies like the people above but we choose not to bring things up because we don't want people to know the real us or the real issues or trials that we go through.  Why?  Because that is admitting that our life isn't as perfect as people think it is.  Normally this happens simply because we're afraid that it will change the way they see us or because we are embarrassed of a certain thing or situation. Or because we just don't want to face the issue.  We pretend that it doesn't exist if we don't talk about it.  I can think of a couple of things that I don't even bring up to the closest people I know because for the longest time I thought that it showed weakness. These things aren't huge and I've never lied about them, I just normally choose not to talk about them.

But WHY do we sometimes hide things from people we care about?  Why do we need people to think that we're invincible and more put together than we really are?  I've decided that it comes down to the fact that people are so judgmental.  For example.. me.  I can sit and talk crap with the best of them.  In fact, there are some social situations I find myself in where I honestly don't have anything in common with the people I'm with so I feel like the only thing we can do is talk about other people we know.  I'm not proud of it.  But I'm also not alone.  Anyone who is reading this is most likely guilty of it at some point too.  I know my readers ;) Since I know this happens, I know that people also talk about me.  I don't love it, but I know that it's a thing so I've found myself wanting to stand up and say things a couple of times and open up about how I feel about certain things, but I usually don't because 1) I don't want people to have more things to talk about and 2) I don't like feeling weak.

But the more I thought about it, and a certain situation that happened a while back, I've realized that I would want people I love to be able to open up and to show their true colors.  I'm a pretty understanding person.  If you've messed up and you feel like you have no one else to go to, I'm not going to judge you for that.  I mess up more times than I care to admit.  If you're going through something big, I want to be there for you or I want you to feel like you have someone you can go too.  I know it's hard to admit sometimes that we have negative things in our lives.  But we all have our things.  And I really do believe that those things help mold us into the people we are.  Because of that, they would be things we talk about with the people we love.  It just makes me a little sad that we sometimes feel like we have to try to fit this mold of a near perfect life where we have to just have this "it's OK" attitude when we go through something hard or we feel embarrassed to share things with people we love because we think that even they won't understand.  It's kind of sickening.  I sure hope I'm not the only one who feels this way.  


So after mulling this whole thing over for a couple of weeks, I've realized that it's OK to be cautious when it comes to trusting sketchy strangers (ie: online dating, or to anyone at the 711 by my apartment at any point of the day or night.)  But when it comes to the people we love the most, we just have to love the crap out of them and stop being so judgmental over stupid things so they will be able to trust us and open up about fears, insecurities and trials that they are going through.  No one should have to live their life pretending to be something that they're not or hiding things from the people they love.  That's crazy.  And kind of makes me want to cry.

It's OK to go through things.  It's OK to admit that your life isn't perfect and put together.  The people who love you most will understand and will probably help you through it and that, in turn, opens up more trust and can even cause more love to grow in whatever your relationship is.

Be you.  The people who don't like that person can get steppin'.

I've had an interesting week.

Things have been a little weird with work.   If you haven't heard in the news already, they've found a cure for Hepatitis C!  I did some research today and found out that 3 to 5 million Americans carry the Hepatitis C virus.  Like, what?! The only problem is that it's $86,000 a person for the treatment; one of the priciest drugs. Since I work with the VA, of course they are going to have to take care of a lot of Vet's with the virus.  Yes, I'm happy about that.  It's obviously a great thing! But it's going to be a lot of money to take care of that.  That just means I'm probably going to have a couple of months of doing special projects orrrr reading books at my desk, pinterest-ing until I want to poke our my eyeballs, or facebooking so much that I end up deleting almost all of my friends.  Let's pray it doesn't get to that point.  But I will endure it well in the name of all those Vets who hopefully are going to be cured of HepC ;)

At least I will have one week off in June.  I'm getting so excited for my trip to see Jamie and her family next month.  Can you believe Mason will be three?  I swear just yesterday he was born and I was Facetiming him as a little baby who couldn't even walk.  Now he's going to school! (Technically it's just Day Care three times a week but he's so big and so cute and takes a backpack, has recess, and a friend named Jamal. omg. I can't even handle it.)

------

I had a little bit of a breakdown the other day once again thinking about my future.  I've said it a million times, but life is hard and we have so many choices to make. They never stop.  I'm grateful that we have our agency and that we can make our own decisions, but sometimes I just want someone smarter and greater than me to just tell me what to do and where I'm supposed to be.  Life would be easier that way.  Alas, life wasn't meant to be easy and we knew what we were getting ourselves into before we came down to Earth.

I'm positive that we were super happy to follow the Savior and were like, "Yay, send me! I want to make my own choices, I want to be tested, and I want to do everything I can to make it back to live with my Heavenly Father and Savior!" I'm sure we were all super gung-ho about it.  I'm grateful we all chose to follow the Savior because let's face it, Satan is the worst.  But sometimes I think it would have been awesome if we could have selected a platinum "cop out" option or something where we could just be given a couple of choices where we could just say, "Nope.  Too Hard.  You decide for me."  That would have been nice.  But I guess that would have been Satan's plan if it was that way....ha.  I'm not perfect. 

At the end of the day, I'm thankful for agency and for the knowledge I have that everything will work out as I faithfully relay on the Lord with all of the choices I make.  We don't have to do it alone.  Sometimes I forget about that when I'm in the heat of the moment and I get super dramatic.  BUT I know that as long as I keep the spirit strong in my life and remain close with the Savior, I won't be led astray. I just wish I was quicker to remember that sometimes.  

But really, things will ALWAYS work out. It's just sometimes gets a little scary and uncomfortable.  That's life.

Proverbs 3:5-6

 5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Single's Ward.

Here's why Singles Ward is sometimes the worst: 

Fast and Testimony meetings.  

I get why we have them.  I really do enjoy the opportunity we have to collectively fast one day out of each month and we can focus our thoughts and prayers and think about what we believe in and why we believe in those things.  Testimony meetings are great! I really do enjoy hearing about people's experiences and learning what they believe.  However, I've been in enough Single's Wards to know that the first Sunday of every month (for a lot of people) is a time when you can get up and try to impress the pants off of people. Why?  Because we're all supposed to be single with our eye on the prize! ha.  Yes, there are people who really just want to get up and share their testimony.  I love these people and learn from them each month.  But to the engaged couples who go up hand in hand to the stage because I'm assuming you can't be away from each other for more than 10 minutes.. You make me ill a little.  And to the guy who just gets up there without anything to say and takes almost 10 minutes.. you're annoying.  To the girl who shares the same spiritual moment every month without fail...hun, we get it.  And to the guy who says "I call B.S" or other inappropriate things like jokes about "Finding Nemo" and other things that detracts from the spirit while at the pulpit..you make me cringe.  

For the record, they aren't all like that but I'm just saying that if you want to feel uncomfortable, come with me to Singles Ward on the first Sunday of the month.  You'll get spiritually enlightened with equal parts of "ohhhhh I can't look directly at the speaker or I might just die" moments.  It's pretty great/horrible.

Sunday School.

The second hour of church has always been pretty hit and miss in the Single's Ward.  I'll be honest, most of the time I really do love it and learn a lot.  In this new ward though... The teachers.are.the.WORST.  Sure, I should go with the mentality of "I just want to learn" But I have a really hard time when the teacher never prepares a lesson but somehow manages to go over the allotted time by at least 10 minutes every week.  He's a nightmare.  I think it's also important to mention that he's one of the engaged couples who can't be without his S.O more than 10 minutes.  I kid you not, they are always cuddling and tangled up like a pretzel right there in front of everyone on the pew.  Today his pee colored tie perfectly matched his fiance's cardigan.  I can't make this stuff up.  To be honest, I'm not even sure how he stands up there for 40 minutes teaching a lesson without his fiance next to him.  I'm not bitter, I promise.  I'm totally all for Love.  But things like that make me want to hurl.  People, if you're in a relationship with someone and you go to church with them go ahead and hold hands, it's cool..we'll notice that you're in love and you'll still get the attention you're trying to get.  We're still all going to talk about you.  Sad truth.  Just leave the weird couple/PDA stuff outside of church.  Thanks.

Sticking with the theme of Sunday School, I just want to mention a comment that was made today (by a male) about modesty that went something like this "Girls, watch what you wear.  If your skirt is a little short and you get sexually assaulted.. it's your fault."  OK, yes, I paraphrased that, but everything that came out of that kids mouth was outrageous.  No one corrected him.  I should have but I just rolled my eyes.  I guess that's his opinion and we're all entitled to one but I kind of wish I would have said something or got up and walked out..or punched him in the face.  Alas, I didn't.  On the topic of modesty though, yes, I believe that girls should dress modestly for many different reasons.  There's no reason for girls to run around showing their goodies to everyone.  When they do, they are probably seeking attention in the wrong ways and that's sad.. But that doesn't mean they are asking to be assaulted.  Unless they are legit prostitutes.. but you get what I'm saying.  We all have agency and should be held accountable for our actions.  So no, dude in the back of Sunday school, guys don't just get to blame the girls for what they wear.  Like, "whoops I touched you because you were showing it off and you made me have these strange impure thoughts?" NO.  Get real!

 I couldn't believe the things this kid was saying.  

Oh and I won't even go off as much as I could about how I felt when some girl in Relief Society (during our lesson on Chastity and modesty) started talking about how "animals have a certain mating season when they have to be ready for their females and human females have their periods all different times so men have to be ready for them at any given time.  It's just their hormones and they way they work" I KID you not.  That happened and it was extremely awkward.  I'm sure my eyes were super huge and my jaw was touching the ground.  I couldn't look away from her because I couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth. 

Yes, yes, at the end of the day I love church and I learned some really good things and felt the spirit strongly.  But sometimes...sometimes I just wish I went to a home ward.  I guess I'm only 4 or so years away from that.  Until then it makes for good stories!  And really, I just love going to church.  It's the highlight of my week.  It's a time where I can really reflect on my week and how I can do better the next week.  I used to think that Sundays were the end of the week and Monday morning was the start of the new but I've found as I've gotten older that Sunday really should be seen as the start of a new week.  We get to start fresh and try to do better than we did the last week.  I love Sundays.  I might not always love the Singles Ward I'm in but I really do understand why we have it.  It's  great to be around people your age.  Yes, there are many awkward moments and interesting people but church is church.  And I love it. 

 I suppose I really need to work on being more understanding and loving.. I mean, we all are Children of God.  Heck, I might be I'm the weird one!  We're all a little weird.  I just prefer to only get weird and slightly inappropriate in front of small groups of people I know, not the entire Ward.  Whatever.  To each their own.

Have a great week!

Try.

I apologize way to often on this blog about the lack of blog posts.  I'm not going to apologize for it again but I am going to try to be better not just because so many people call me out on it but most importantly because I just love writing and blogging.  I want to set the record straight that I don't think my thoughts, stories, or opinions are greater or more entertaining than anyone else's.  I'm not the smartest girl alive.  I just think that there is something really cool about writing your feelings and thoughts down and knowing that someone will eventually read them.  It might not be today or any time this year, but somewhere along the road someone will read this post.  I don't care who the person is, really. I don't care if they get anything out of it or if they only read it because they think I'm crazy and entertaining.  Whatever.  I never expect family or friends to check my posts at all.  In fact, writing posts might be easier and slightly more honest if I knew the people closest to me wouldn't ever read them.  (I hate that I just said that, but it's honest.  I told you a while ago that I changed my privacy settings on the blog so that randos couldn't find it through google anymore.  I quickly realized that wasn't my problem.  The issue I had was that I was going through some interesting things that I wanted to write about but I felt crazy and didn't want that many people having access to it all the time.  I realized that I only cared about the people closest to me who read my blog or who might stumble across it.  What a joke.  Hiding things from people we love the most?  I really need to work on it.  As I've said many times before.. I'm not as brave as I would like to be.  Not even close..  But I've never had a bigger desire to want to change than after this last weekend.  I'll let you know how that goes but I'm not making promises because I was also told this weekend that I don't give myself enough credit.  The struggle.)

Anyways, there hasn't been a whole lot of things that have changed in the life of Jenn.  I mean, I feel like there are a lot of things going on around me but I've yet to figure out what my next "thing" will be.  I'm not asking for any big changes right now but I know that I need to work on setting some goals and getting motivated to make some changes.  We always can do better.  What I do know is that I could use some sunshine and warm weather around here!  It's definitely spring here in Utah, though.  We've gotten some pretty good rain, things are getting green, the flowers are blooming, my skin is still super white, and it occasionally is still really cold.  Like right now I'm trying to decide if I should turn on the heater or just get under the covers of my bed. But, alas, I know myself good enough to not do the latter.  I would be asleep in 20 minutes.  It's only 8:00pm..  #grandmastatus

This weekend Easton invited all of us to go up to Lava Hot Springs.  His family has a timeshare there for one week each year and apparently his family doesn't use it.  I'm not sure why but we quickly accepted the invitation.  Chris, Easton, Nieko, Sam, Willy and I went up Friday night and Cole and Kier decided to join us for Saturday and Sunday.  I'm really glad that Cole and Kier came up.  As much as I love the boys, it was nice to have another girl around for the last night.  Especially a girl who's my sister!  ha.  Mom commented on my instagram picture on Friday night saying "Jenn you're brave" because I was up there will all those boys.  Being called brave isn't something I heard too often but I don't really think of it as "brave" because since high school I've never really had a lot of "girl friends."  Amanda couldn't come because she had to work and I wasn't going to miss out on a Lava weekend with them because I was going to be the only girl.  Yeah right.  I'm used to it.  

We spent the weekend just hanging out, swimming, eating pizza, drinking too many energy drinks that are super unhealthy for you (but on the real, the Green Apple Rockstar is BOMB), watching the playoffs ( I didn't really watch them, but they were on pretty much the entire time we were in the condo), going on walks in the small town, singing Karaoke and dancing at "The Wagon Wheel", having a touch of drama (which I won't talk about because it's over and done with), having great talks, looking at the stars, and playing games.  It really was a fun weekend getaway.  Sure, we woke up to snow on Saturday and it rained quite a bit, but we were able to do all the things we wanted to do while we were there.  

I really do love my friends..each for different, specific reasons. I've learned so much from each of them over the past couple of years and wouldn't change anything about it.  We all believe in so many different things, have different standards, and are in different places in life but we care about each other too much to ever let that get in the way of our friendships as a whole or to be offended by our different beliefs.  I just like that we respect each other even when I know some things we all do might be hard for the other to understand.  I  really love surrounding myself with people from different walks of life because they have so many interesting things and ideas to bring to the table.  In fact, some of my biggest testimony builders about the gospel have come from learning experiences I've had with people we aren't members of our church.  I had another one of those moments this weekend.

I also realized once again about how important it is to tell people how you really feel even if it seems like the hardest thing to do and even if you know the response might not be what you want to hear.  If you want things to change in your life (no matter what it is) you can't just sit back and wait for it.  You have to try!  Sometimes that might mean that you have to go out of your comfort zone and let people in but you have to give them a chance, and you have to be ballsy if it's something or someone you care that much about.  I know that it's easier said than done but I can attest that holding things in or putting things off will never get you the results you want.  It will be hard but even if things don't turn out the way you want them to after you've made your move, later down the road it will become one of the best things you ever did for yourself because you will have gotten rid of the chains that have been holding you captive, worried, angry, fearful or sad for so long. You can be free of that! You can move on. We just have to not let fear get in the way of trying for the things we want.  I know it's hard.  

Let's just all get a little weird and uncomfortable this week and say or do that something that we've wanted to do for a while.  K!? ;)

Life is so short! I have an idea of where I want to be in life and I get distracted and discouraged quite a bit.  But I was also reminded this weekend from a good friend that we really are just doing the best we can with what we have.  Sure, we can always do a little better and try a little harder but this life on Earth is an amazing gift.  We only get to do it once and I for sure want to make it as great as it can be.  If you've found yourself in a rut lately, held back or let down by some of the many screwy things of this world, take a a few minutes to stop, look at the stars, breathe, and realize that there are so many great things out there.  Crappy things will happen, drama will happen, things will get in the way of your goals, you might have to clean up some messes that you'd rather not have to but the Earth will keep turning.  Life will go on!  It's really up to us to make the most of it with what we have.  Figure out what you want.  Make it happen.  Stay positive.  I've said it once and I'll say it again.. Things can't suck forever. 

If you're worried about how you're doing and think about it often then I promise that you're already doing pretty OK :)  

Never stop trying for the things you want.
(unless the thing you want is a specific boy or girl and you've told them you love them and they don't reciprocate. If that's the case, hunny, you best move on to the next.  No one likes a crazy creeper.)

Oh, and a few photo treats for you from the weekend:

yes, I can kick high.

If you only knew how much you couldn't see us in this selfie before I edited it.  haha.  Lava is one of a kind.  Motels have to advertise that they have staples like "color TV" and "Private Full baths." WTH, right?!

  

The End is Not the End.

This weekend I attended the funeral of my friend's brother who passed away while on his mission in Guam from head injury after falling from a tree.  I haven't been able to stop thinking about how precious and short our time on Earth is. 

Funerals make me sad, that is true, but they also always make me want to be a better person.  I didn't know Miller but what I do know is that I'm so grateful to have the Gospel and knowledge I have about why we are here and where we are going.  Death scares me a little but only because I don't like the idea of being left behind or without people I care so deeply about.  But I'm fortunate enough to know that when our life ends on this Earth, it is not the end.   

The messages that were shared at the funeral were just a good reminder of what we believe and why we do the things that we do.  I'm not perfect, and I mess up more times than I'd like to admit.  But I know that my worth is not measured by the mistakes I've made.  All I know is that I want to be the person who lives life to the fullest, who is happy, caring, kind, forgiving and who chooses the right and loves others even when people are hard to love.  I want to be and do those things because I love my Savior and because I'm striving to return back to Him and to be with my Family who I know are more righteous than me (haha jk but really.. I know I need to step it up) 

I know that I won't be perfect at it and that I will continue to make dumb mistakes but I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who never gives up on me and never ceases to make me feel loved.  He's surrounded me with amazing people who I don't want to think about my life on Earth without... I'm just glad I know why I'm here and I know what I'm working toward. 

Sure, we get lost sometimes and we forget what we're supposed to be doing and what really matters, but I know that God understands and that He only asks us to try.  I guess we just start by evaluating ourselves and trying to be a little better than we were the day before. If you don't know why you're here and what you're working toward or if you get lost along the way... figure it out. Set goals, find God (have Faith), rely on Him, cherish time with the people you love, and find out what makes you happy.  I know that my days and weeks go better when I'm focusing on the things that matter and not just wishing time away. Yes, I've been guilty on multiple occasions in my life to doing the opposite of all of those things.  We sometimes just need sucky reminders to get us back on track. 

Oh Life :)

I truly believe that we chose to come here and that we knew what we were getting ourselves into.  Prove it to your pre-mortal self that you can do all the hard things you knew might come your way;) ....Weird.  I just thought of it that way and I realized that I have a lot of work to do. 

haha. wow. 
Keep the Faith!

I don't love Winter.

I like to remind Jamie often that she told me they would only be in Maryland for “2 years.”  I’m sure she rolls her eyes on the other side of the phone every time I bring it up.  For the record, though, she really did say that multiple times.  I’m sure it was just her attempt to calm me down when I found out about their decision to move East.  I still hate that they live there.  I still wish the two year thing was truth.  Whatever the case, she said that if I blogged more she would consider moving back.  It’s a fib, I’m sure, but I will give it a try :)

Things have been pretty “blah” lately.  I really don’t love the winter.  My skin gets dry, I get a little sad from the lack of sunshine, and I’m disgustingly pale which always brings on the yearly debate with myself: “To tan, or not to tan?” Cancer risk/cooking my insides or briefly feeling good about myself in shorts and dresses?  The struggle.  Thank goodness tomorrow is officially spring.  Now, if the weather would actually act that way I would get excited about it.  

Not a whole lot has been going on lately which I know is my fault.  I’ve been reading a lot, working, and watching significantly less TV than I used to.  Don’t get me wrong.  I still watch my fair share.  I’ll tell you though, the older I get the sadder I get about the fact that I spend more time at work than I spend awake at home during the week.  It's sad.  I guess that’s how it goes and why they say you are supposed to “pick a profession that you LOVE!”  Blah, blah, blah.  That’s hard!  Finding jobs you love all the time  and that push you is hard!  But I guess it’s not supposed to be easy.  I just wish it was.  Don’t get me wrong, I really have a great job and I’m blessed in more ways than I deserve but sometimes I just want to.. not work.  HA.  Such is life.  I realize that we have to work to live but whyyyyyyy?! Jk. I’m ranting. 

So when people ask me what I’ve been up to and I say “just work and hanging out.” That’s literally what I’m doing right now.  I need a new hobby.  Rachel and I have talked about taking a cooking class. Ha.  We’ll see how that goes.

Speaking of Rachel, I think I mentioned that Amanda and I finally got our new roommate to move in at the beginning of February?  Maybe I didn’t.. well she moved in!   Pros:  She’s nice, She does hair (mega bonus), I bought a washer and dryer from her sister for $200 that her dad and brother delivered (score) and rent is way cheaper.  I honestly don’t know how I was paying $1,100 a month in my old apartment for Cole and I last year.  $350 a month is so much nicer :)  I feel like I spend a lot of time in my room but I don’t mind.  Having the master bedroom with my own bathroom makes it WAY worth paying the extra money.  I could skate in my room if I wanted.  Side note—one time I saw an infomercial for carpet skates and I really wanted them until I realized that you can probably just do it in socks.  Besides the point.  Things are good.  We all get along but that’s probably because we don’t see a lot of each other during the week.   I’m fine with that.  I think the key to any friendship between two or more girls, especially roommates, is space from each other.  So far it’s worked great.  Oh and I would probably see more of them but I’ve decided that I love going to bed early on the week days.  It’s changed my life.

Hmmm.. what’s new, what’s new?  On Monday we had a Government Team lunch at PF Changs to celebrate the end of the 2^nd Quarter.  First of all, I’m always game for good free lunch but I also really like getting to interact with people I work with every day over email and the phone.  When this happens, though, it usually means I get to have a nice chat about my lack of love life.  Always a fun conversation to have when getting to know someone new on a personal level.  I just wish people wouldn’t bring it up. [Why is that even a question you have to ask people?  Should your relationship status be added in your personal introductions or on your email signature? “Hi. My name is Jennifer Hansen, I’m alone.” I blame Facebook.  Curse you Mark Zuckerberg!] When they do I always end up having to spend ten or more minutes convincing them that I’m not sad about it.  It’s annoying.  I get why they ask though.  I mean, I guess that’s supposed to be what I’m doing at my age.  I'm not. I'm fine with it.  Leave me the alone, k?! The coworker did tell me that he only asks because he just doesn’t get why I don’t date.   Super nice.  He also said that “whoever ends up winning me over will be a lucky guy.”  It got weird and cliche for a second but then I just realized that it was a sincere compliment.  I thanked him and quickly turned the conversation over to my other coworker’s love life.  Works every time.

While we’re still on the single note (because that’s clearly in the top three things to describe the life of a person my age especially in Utah) Rachel and I decided to go to our first “25 and older YSA activity" a couple of weeks ago. Yes, it's a thing and yes,it was bad.  You learn a lot about yourselves when you’re put into awkward situations like that.  I learned that I’m a pretty awkward person at first but then I always end up forcing myself to talk to someone. I realized that I don’t like going up to people and being like “What’s your name, tell me your life..blah blah blah.” However, I’m 100% comfortable and 90% more witty and funny if someone has to come up to me.  I will start a conversation, no problem.  If you’re interesting, I will even continue the convo.  If you aren’t interesting and you don’t laugh at my funny comments (*cough* cute Curtis with the nearly there sense of humor*)… Get Steppin’!  But really, I stationed myself and Rachel by the water cooler and cups so people would be like “I need a drink, where are the cups?” and I’d be like “You thirsty? Here’s a cup.  What’s your name?” HA! I promise it was less awkward than I just made it sound.  All I have to say is that those events are the WORST.  I hate going places where I don’t know anyone to start off with but if you’re just eating and "mingling" and not playing games or doing an activity that I can just join in?  Awkward City.

 Dear Mom and Dad, I tried.  The end.