It's been a long time..[I shouldn't have left you, left you.] Oh sorry. I really started singing right there. Anyways, it has been a while but don't worry, I'm fine!
Remember how I told you that I was probably going to get pimped out for special projects at work for the summer? Well, they actually reassigned me to a different practice for the entire summer since their Director of Events quit after three months of being here..(drama!) Anyways, with that being said, I'm currently working with the Education team on a big project helping them plan their 2015 Symposium's. It's been really busy, crazy, and all things in between. Overall, though, it's been a good experience thus far. I don't really love sudden changes but once I got the hang of it, I remembered that I can pretty much do whatever. That's been a nice little reminder. Like, "Hey, you're actually pretty good at this stuff!" It's nice. I'll be ready for the summer to be over and back to my old job around August/September I'm sure. But right now I'm just happy I have something to keep me busy.
Changing things up totally keeps life interesting.
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I've been thinking a lot the past couple of weeks about honesty and trust. My coworker always has the worst online dating horror stories. I've realized that these constant stories over the last couple of years has kind of turned me into an untrusting person. Is that a word? Whatever, you get it. I'm trustworthy but I'm not dumb enough to believe that Ryan So-and-So from Provo, Utah is super wealthy, has his own private Jet, and is trying to find love on a free dating site. Sorry.
At the beginning of her online dating journey there were a few people who seemed pretty great at first and I was actually excited for her! ...Until one of them ended up wanting to Skpe to show her the razor-back yellow nightie he got himself whilst shopping one week. That was the end of that.
Overall it's a little disappointing. Pretty much every new person that she starts to talk about I have to hold myself back because I feel so cynical. Don't get me wrong, though, I want her to find love! I really do. I also want to believe that there aren't that many sketchy people in the world but that would be crazy to believe. What I don't get is why people insist on lying so much?! If you're really wanting to find love, then why would you lie? It's annoying! I mean if I decide that i'm going to start online dating then my main mission is to 1.) find love and 2.) not get murdered. That's it. You would think that ones mission to find love would at least be led with honesty. I just don't understand all the false information I hear people giving through my coworkers stories.
All online dating stories aside, I think we all do that sometimes even to the people we love the most. Maybe we aren't telling full blown lies like the people above but we choose not to bring things up because we don't want people to know the real us or the real issues or trials that we go through. Why? Because that is admitting that our life isn't as perfect as people think it is. Normally this happens simply because we're afraid that it will change the way they see us or because we are embarrassed of a certain thing or situation. Or because we just don't want to face the issue. We pretend that it doesn't exist if we don't talk about it. I can think of a couple of things that I don't even bring up to the closest people I know because for the longest time I thought that it showed weakness. These things aren't huge and I've never lied about them, I just normally choose not to talk about them.
But WHY do we sometimes hide things from people we care about? Why do we need people to think that we're invincible and more put together than we really are? I've decided that it comes down to the fact that people are so judgmental. For example.. me. I can sit and talk crap with the best of them. In fact, there are some social situations I find myself in where I honestly don't have anything in common with the people I'm with so I feel like the only thing we can do is talk about other people we know. I'm not proud of it. But I'm also not alone. Anyone who is reading this is most likely guilty of it at some point too. I know my readers ;) Since I know this happens, I know that people also talk about me. I don't love it, but I know that it's a thing so I've found myself wanting to stand up and say things a couple of times and open up about how I feel about certain things, but I usually don't because 1) I don't want people to have more things to talk about and 2) I don't like feeling weak.
But the more I thought about it, and a certain situation that happened a while back, I've realized that I would want people I love to be able to open up and to show their true colors. I'm a pretty understanding person. If you've messed up and you feel like you have no one else to go to, I'm not going to judge you for that. I mess up more times than I care to admit. If you're going through something big, I want to be there for you or I want you to feel like you have someone you can go too. I know it's hard to admit sometimes that we have negative things in our lives. But we all have our things. And I really do believe that those things help mold us into the people we are. Because of that, they would be things we talk about with the people we love. It just makes me a little sad that we sometimes feel like we have to try to fit this mold of a near perfect life where we have to just have this "it's OK" attitude when we go through something hard or we feel embarrassed to share things with people we love because we think that even they won't understand. It's kind of sickening. I sure hope I'm not the only one who feels this way.
So after mulling this whole thing over for a couple of weeks, I've realized that it's OK to be cautious when it comes to trusting sketchy strangers (ie: online dating, or to anyone at the 711 by my apartment at any point of the day or night.) But when it comes to the people we love the most, we just have to love the crap out of them and stop being so judgmental over stupid things so they will be able to trust us and open up about fears, insecurities and trials that they are going through. No one should have to live their life pretending to be something that they're not or hiding things from the people they love. That's crazy. And kind of makes me want to cry.
It's OK to go through things. It's OK to admit that your life isn't perfect and put together. The people who love you most will understand and will probably help you through it and that, in turn, opens up more trust and can even cause more love to grow in whatever your relationship is.
Be you. The people who don't like that person can get steppin'.
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