It's been awhile since I've given myself some time to sit down and actually think. It sounds stupid but most of my time is spent living in this alternate universe where I'm reading other people's status updates, working, gossiping, watching "reality TV" (or other stupid shows that I hate to love) and being totally invested in other people's lives and what they think and how they feel...but not many of those things that occupy all my time really give me a second to think about how JENN feels or what JENN thinks about a situation. Please tell me I'm not the only one who's life is like this?
Maybe I've just given myself TOO much time to think for once? :/
Well, this last week I've kind of separated myself from a lot of things just because I've been tired of it all and was trying to get over a cold. But in the process of doing that, some weird things happened..I had some thoughts. Like real, "oh Jenn, please say it isn't so," straight from the heart/head thoughts and feelings. It's strange, but it's actually made me feel more alive than I have for a while now. I might not like all of the feelings/thoughts I've been having BUT the thoughts are actually about ME and how I really feel. Not about so and so's relationship or his woe's and her stupidity... It's was a nice change.
We do that to ourselves a lot, don't we? We get caught up in other people's lives that we forget to REALLY live our own and we just end up going through the motions, not getting anywhere. I've realized (and it's probably already obvious to a lot of people around me) that I've forgotten about taking care of myself and forgotten how to take risks and to LIVE because it's easier not to care.
People all around me are changing and moving on and I'm realizing that if I want to make changes for myself that I have to actually care a little more about my own life and try a little harder. There are some things I know I need to change/get rid of, but it's hard because my heart tells me one thing and my head tells me another. Example? umm... It's like Junk food. Even though I love it..I know it's not good for me, I hate the way it eventually makes me feel, and I hate that I crave it. Of course I'm not only talking about junk food (don't worry mom, I'm not talking about anything that would make me unworthy to go to the temple) but that's the best way I can explain it.
Simply stated: We all have weaknesses and those things that we hate to love and things that get in the way of us doing what we know we need to do. We get side tracked sometimes and I've realized that it's OK and that it's never too late to turn it around. But the sucky part of it all is that we can't just notice that a change needs to be made...We have to do something about it, and that's not always easy.
....we just have to remember why we are doing what we are doing and hope that we are strong enough to do it.
Good thing we don't have to do it alone :)
1 comment:
LOVE YOU!!!! :)!!!!!
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