I mentioned last week about how I was distraught about some of the craziness that is going on with the universe right now. I thought that maybe it was just hitting my social circle especially hard, but it's everywhere. Something has just been more "off" than usual.
Bad things happen to good people each and every day, but I feel like lately it's been a never ending circle of crap. Divorce here, break up there, lost jobs, can't find a job, health problems...mix in a little stress about money and a little infidelity and we've about got it covered.
Don't believe me? Just think back on your fbook feed from the last 2 weeks or so. Aside from a few babies, mission, and engagement announcements, my news feed has been blowing up with even more drama and other depressing status updates and relationship changes. I don't know if it was the full moon or what, but it's getting old.
Sure, I feel like nothing really bad has happened to me personally and most of these things that are going on in other people's lives don't have any effect on my life whatsoever, but it's still bothersome. I try to remain positive through most things like this but, when it comes down to it, all of this crap going on occasionally rocks my hope in certain things and scares me a little...
...Especially when it comes to relationships. I think you've read enough of what I feel about relationships and marriage. That I'm all about love, your relationship status does not define you, that when you find someone you care about you better work hard to keep them around [yada, yada, yada].
Well, I see people depressed about their single status, rushing into relationships and marriages, people lying to people who they say they love, and it actually scares me. How do you know who to trust? How can you know who a person really is in such a short period of time? How do you try to believe the good when there is so much "bad" going on in the world in general?
Those are just some of the questions I've thought as I've learned about some of the recent happenings going on with people I know (or who my friends know). Yes, I know that I shouldn't be scared but that's just how my brain works, I'm a realist and quite frankly, I probably watch too much TV. That, and I think the biggest factor are all of these online dating stories I hear about everyday. It's frightening. Some people are just really really weird and mucho liars.
So, I know that I have no say in how people should live their lives, and I know that sometimes people simply end up not being who you thought they were or maybe even what you thought you wanted in your life at the time, and that I'm probably being super dramatic, but I just can't help but feel that most of these relationship problems/failures and anxieties could be solved if people just learned to be honest with themselves and others.
[This is the part where I go off so you can stop here if you want, I won't be offended:)]
Examples:
1- If Jane knew that Tony had "X" problem then Jane would have known if it was something they could live or work with BEFORE she agreed to get engaged/marry Tony. Whether it is something Jane can accept or not, at least Tony doesn't have to live with such a big secret and Jane can respect Tony for telling the truth, and either grow to love him more, or be grateful that she was able to move on.
2- If Bill knew that Gretchen still loved Ted more that she loved him then Gretchen could be with Ted and Bill could have used those 2 years she was lying and cheating on him to grieve and move on.
I know these might be a little extreme but I feel like things like this are happening all the time and it baffles me; I just don't get it. I guess what I'm saying is that it's all about honesty. I'm not just talking about romantic relationships either, but honesty in our friendships as well.
There is no need to lie about the way we feel, what we want, or about who we are as a person. If a person truly loves you, they will love you for your imperfections. If you lie, you aren't giving that other person a chance to love you and help with whatever the problem is and you're taking away their opportunity to learn from the situation by your side. And if you have to hide something from someone then how much do you really care about that person? How strong is your relationship? And for some of my Facebook "Friends,": Sometimes people just tell you they love you or care about you and only come around when they aren't whoring around with "so and so" or for whatever the excuse may be that week. So please, do us all a favor and be honest with yourself. Pull yourself out of denial and realize that a relationship built on lies will never work and that sometimes, it's time to move on with your life.
I know that there are a few things that we sometimes "fib" about or we stretch the truth so that people don't get their feelings hurt, but flat out lying is a problem and totally not necessary. I guess what I'm saying about all of this is that I know I shouldn't be scared about future relationships or marriage if it ever comes to that, but that it's totally OK to be cautious. [Watch Catfish or just open your eyes]... some people aren't really who they say they are. Now, I'm not saying that you should go into every relationship not trusting the other person because I'm a firm believe that everyone deserves a chance. As long as you are being honest and you clearly state that honesty is number one for you in any relationship, then all you can do is trust your gut and keep working toward building your relationship.
I remember around this time last year when my new-ish 16 year old niece made up a lie that I caught her in. She called crying and apologized and I flat out said "I think it's funny that you think I'm dumb. Just so you know, I don't do liars." From there on out, I feel like we've had a pretty open and trusting relationship. Now, I'm not saying that she hasn't lied to other people since that day, (she's a teenager) or that it didn't take a while for her to gain that trust back with me, but I basically let her know, "if you care about me, don't lie to me." It was just a step in getting to know someone and their expectations when it comes to love and relationships. [Speaking of which, contrary to many people's beliefs around here, I believe that getting to know someone takes more than a few weeks. I honestly don't care what you think about that one... it takes time.]
SO.. crappy things will continue happening to the people around us, and we will decide if we choose to learn from it all and how we handle our own situations as they come. But if we can just start being honest with ourselves and others, it starts there. Just communicate, people!
Yes, I might be scared a little when it comes to relationships but I plan on not living my life in fear of getting hurt. (I'll try). But you better believe that I choose to be cautious when it comes to my relationships and those people that I'm close with in my life right now.
So to wrap up this random post about honestly, relationships and other crappy things that are inevitable.. my notes to myself are this when it comes to any kind of relationship:
Be honest. (yes, that means don't lie).
Cautiously give everyone a chance.
Don't be TOO afraid of getting hurt.
Be Smart, never desperate.
Take time to really get to know someone, you won't regret it.
Unless you think the world is really ending in a few weeks..Slow the EFF dowwwn!!!
and remember, things will get better.
They have too.
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