The End is Not the End.

This weekend I attended the funeral of my friend's brother who passed away while on his mission in Guam from head injury after falling from a tree.  I haven't been able to stop thinking about how precious and short our time on Earth is. 

Funerals make me sad, that is true, but they also always make me want to be a better person.  I didn't know Miller but what I do know is that I'm so grateful to have the Gospel and knowledge I have about why we are here and where we are going.  Death scares me a little but only because I don't like the idea of being left behind or without people I care so deeply about.  But I'm fortunate enough to know that when our life ends on this Earth, it is not the end.   

The messages that were shared at the funeral were just a good reminder of what we believe and why we do the things that we do.  I'm not perfect, and I mess up more times than I'd like to admit.  But I know that my worth is not measured by the mistakes I've made.  All I know is that I want to be the person who lives life to the fullest, who is happy, caring, kind, forgiving and who chooses the right and loves others even when people are hard to love.  I want to be and do those things because I love my Savior and because I'm striving to return back to Him and to be with my Family who I know are more righteous than me (haha jk but really.. I know I need to step it up) 

I know that I won't be perfect at it and that I will continue to make dumb mistakes but I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who never gives up on me and never ceases to make me feel loved.  He's surrounded me with amazing people who I don't want to think about my life on Earth without... I'm just glad I know why I'm here and I know what I'm working toward. 

Sure, we get lost sometimes and we forget what we're supposed to be doing and what really matters, but I know that God understands and that He only asks us to try.  I guess we just start by evaluating ourselves and trying to be a little better than we were the day before. If you don't know why you're here and what you're working toward or if you get lost along the way... figure it out. Set goals, find God (have Faith), rely on Him, cherish time with the people you love, and find out what makes you happy.  I know that my days and weeks go better when I'm focusing on the things that matter and not just wishing time away. Yes, I've been guilty on multiple occasions in my life to doing the opposite of all of those things.  We sometimes just need sucky reminders to get us back on track. 

Oh Life :)

I truly believe that we chose to come here and that we knew what we were getting ourselves into.  Prove it to your pre-mortal self that you can do all the hard things you knew might come your way;) ....Weird.  I just thought of it that way and I realized that I have a lot of work to do. 

haha. wow. 
Keep the Faith!

I don't love Winter.

I like to remind Jamie often that she told me they would only be in Maryland for “2 years.”  I’m sure she rolls her eyes on the other side of the phone every time I bring it up.  For the record, though, she really did say that multiple times.  I’m sure it was just her attempt to calm me down when I found out about their decision to move East.  I still hate that they live there.  I still wish the two year thing was truth.  Whatever the case, she said that if I blogged more she would consider moving back.  It’s a fib, I’m sure, but I will give it a try :)

Things have been pretty “blah” lately.  I really don’t love the winter.  My skin gets dry, I get a little sad from the lack of sunshine, and I’m disgustingly pale which always brings on the yearly debate with myself: “To tan, or not to tan?” Cancer risk/cooking my insides or briefly feeling good about myself in shorts and dresses?  The struggle.  Thank goodness tomorrow is officially spring.  Now, if the weather would actually act that way I would get excited about it.  

Not a whole lot has been going on lately which I know is my fault.  I’ve been reading a lot, working, and watching significantly less TV than I used to.  Don’t get me wrong.  I still watch my fair share.  I’ll tell you though, the older I get the sadder I get about the fact that I spend more time at work than I spend awake at home during the week.  It's sad.  I guess that’s how it goes and why they say you are supposed to “pick a profession that you LOVE!”  Blah, blah, blah.  That’s hard!  Finding jobs you love all the time  and that push you is hard!  But I guess it’s not supposed to be easy.  I just wish it was.  Don’t get me wrong, I really have a great job and I’m blessed in more ways than I deserve but sometimes I just want to.. not work.  HA.  Such is life.  I realize that we have to work to live but whyyyyyyy?! Jk. I’m ranting. 

So when people ask me what I’ve been up to and I say “just work and hanging out.” That’s literally what I’m doing right now.  I need a new hobby.  Rachel and I have talked about taking a cooking class. Ha.  We’ll see how that goes.

Speaking of Rachel, I think I mentioned that Amanda and I finally got our new roommate to move in at the beginning of February?  Maybe I didn’t.. well she moved in!   Pros:  She’s nice, She does hair (mega bonus), I bought a washer and dryer from her sister for $200 that her dad and brother delivered (score) and rent is way cheaper.  I honestly don’t know how I was paying $1,100 a month in my old apartment for Cole and I last year.  $350 a month is so much nicer :)  I feel like I spend a lot of time in my room but I don’t mind.  Having the master bedroom with my own bathroom makes it WAY worth paying the extra money.  I could skate in my room if I wanted.  Side note—one time I saw an infomercial for carpet skates and I really wanted them until I realized that you can probably just do it in socks.  Besides the point.  Things are good.  We all get along but that’s probably because we don’t see a lot of each other during the week.   I’m fine with that.  I think the key to any friendship between two or more girls, especially roommates, is space from each other.  So far it’s worked great.  Oh and I would probably see more of them but I’ve decided that I love going to bed early on the week days.  It’s changed my life.

Hmmm.. what’s new, what’s new?  On Monday we had a Government Team lunch at PF Changs to celebrate the end of the 2^nd Quarter.  First of all, I’m always game for good free lunch but I also really like getting to interact with people I work with every day over email and the phone.  When this happens, though, it usually means I get to have a nice chat about my lack of love life.  Always a fun conversation to have when getting to know someone new on a personal level.  I just wish people wouldn’t bring it up. [Why is that even a question you have to ask people?  Should your relationship status be added in your personal introductions or on your email signature? “Hi. My name is Jennifer Hansen, I’m alone.” I blame Facebook.  Curse you Mark Zuckerberg!] When they do I always end up having to spend ten or more minutes convincing them that I’m not sad about it.  It’s annoying.  I get why they ask though.  I mean, I guess that’s supposed to be what I’m doing at my age.  I'm not. I'm fine with it.  Leave me the alone, k?! The coworker did tell me that he only asks because he just doesn’t get why I don’t date.   Super nice.  He also said that “whoever ends up winning me over will be a lucky guy.”  It got weird and cliche for a second but then I just realized that it was a sincere compliment.  I thanked him and quickly turned the conversation over to my other coworker’s love life.  Works every time.

While we’re still on the single note (because that’s clearly in the top three things to describe the life of a person my age especially in Utah) Rachel and I decided to go to our first “25 and older YSA activity" a couple of weeks ago. Yes, it's a thing and yes,it was bad.  You learn a lot about yourselves when you’re put into awkward situations like that.  I learned that I’m a pretty awkward person at first but then I always end up forcing myself to talk to someone. I realized that I don’t like going up to people and being like “What’s your name, tell me your life..blah blah blah.” However, I’m 100% comfortable and 90% more witty and funny if someone has to come up to me.  I will start a conversation, no problem.  If you’re interesting, I will even continue the convo.  If you aren’t interesting and you don’t laugh at my funny comments (*cough* cute Curtis with the nearly there sense of humor*)… Get Steppin’!  But really, I stationed myself and Rachel by the water cooler and cups so people would be like “I need a drink, where are the cups?” and I’d be like “You thirsty? Here’s a cup.  What’s your name?” HA! I promise it was less awkward than I just made it sound.  All I have to say is that those events are the WORST.  I hate going places where I don’t know anyone to start off with but if you’re just eating and "mingling" and not playing games or doing an activity that I can just join in?  Awkward City.

 Dear Mom and Dad, I tried.  The end.

Birthday Surprise and an Auntie's Joy.

I've spent the last six weeks or so trying to keep the arrival of Jamie, Regan and Mason a secret from my parents.  Now that Jamie lives across the country we really don't get to see them too often.  Jamie thought it would be fun to surprise my parents for their birthday.  I don't like keeping secrets.  Sure, if they are a big time and I'm told them in confidence, I won't tell but when it's something that is so exciting like a surprise, I can hardly handle it.  It's like when Jamie told me she was pregnant with Mason right when she found out and I had to wait like 2 months for her to tell mom and everyone else.  It's hard for me.  But we managed to pull it off.  

They flew into Boise, I picked them up, and we walked in (Cole and Kier had just arrived as well) and boy, did mom scream.  She had no clue they were coming!  I'm not sure how, honestly.  I thought for sure I'd spoiled it when she told me that dad had picked up the baby chicks the day before and my immediate response was "Mason, will love those!....(*insert stomach drop) We'll have to Facetime him when I get there."  The little fiblets were flowing all month long. 

My parents were so happy!  I was happy!  I could honestly write 10 posts about all the cute and funny things Mason did, but I won't because he probably won't love me as much when he gets bigger so I probably shouldn't waste my time, but for the record..right now, BOY does this boy love his Auntie. 

When I got to the airport, I decided to go in to see them out of the terminal and to help them get their bags.  It was almost like waiting for a missionary.  It felt like it had been that long since I last saw them.  Right as they walked through the first door, I saw Mason, he saw me, and he ran to me as fast as he could with his heavy "Cars" backpack on.  I could cry now.  It was the best.  I'm not a mother and who knows if I ever will be, but I count myself lucky for having that little boy who loves me so much right now.  And of course Regan too!  She doesn't love me as much I'm sure, but she's 18 and knows my flaws. haha.  I'm a flawless princess to Mason right now and I love it.  In fact, one day this week when I was taking a nap with him he told me I was his girlfriend.  He better love me even when he's 18. ha. (ew weird. I just pictured him as a teen. NEVER GROW UP!).  He also made me wear my old homecoming queen crown and Jamie's Tip-Off queen crown a couple of times.  Told you.  Princess!

Having everyone together is always great!  We went bowling, watched a lot of TV (and Despicable Me 2 because that's Mason's favorite right now), played with Mason, went to build-a-bear and the mall, visited family, rode the four-wheeler, and just hung out a lot.  The only complaint I have, really, is that my parent's place isn't really meant to have that many people in it.  It was cozy, that's for sure.  But we made it work!  Honestly, just being together was just nice.  I really miss my sister and her family when we have to go that long without seeing them.  Makes me sad.  Just like when Mason kept saying "You can't go back Utah, Auntie.  Not ight now."  Sad!  I didn't want to go back.  Just like I didn't want him to leave.  OK, I like having my own room and my own bed and it's always nice to get back to your own life and space.. but I also wouldn't mind if they were just a couple minutes or hours away.  Growing up and moving away SUCKS.  

Dear Jamie, COME BAAAAAAACK!

Now I guess it's my turn to go back out there.  Preferably because the heat of the summer because Humidity is not my friend. I better stalk looking at flights.

-----------

A quick list of other things Mason said/did so I can always remember them:

He's demanding.  Always wants his blanket and apple juice.

He pulled my shirt out a couple of times, looked down and said "boobies!" I laughed though so the second time was my fault, I'm sure.  The boy is just fascinated with the body and being naked.  He either wants in his "jamma's" or to be naked with just his underwear on and under the covers.  The kid knows what's up. One time this weekend he said "Auntie, naked too" as he tried to lift up my shirt while laughing.  I told him he didn't want me to be naked with him.  He complained but got over it really fast.  I probably gave him candy (candy is the ultimate cop-out and I'm the best at it.  Will work on toddlers and most adults).  

He has the sweetest heart.  If he thinks you're sad, he will ask you if you're alright, or just tell you that you're alright and will cuddle you or give you a hug.  I pretended to be sad a couple of times.  Kier even said that when she was laying down with him for a nap he heard Remi in his kennel and he kept saying "ohh, the puppy sad. It's alright."  love.

Even though he loves you he can still be a stinker sometimes.  I'm sure I was being annoying or was just in his way but a couple of times he held his baby finger up to my mouth and said "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"  and one time, "Shut your face," and another time "Be quiet, auntie."  Of course, he said it in the cutest tone which made it super funny. 

I caught him in my bedroom with a bottle of nail polish (i'd left him for not even two minutes) and he opened it up and had almost perfectly painted one of his finger nails.  Bright red.  I came in and quickly grabbed it from him and he said "I have makeup like you, auntie."  I can't.  I need a baby niece too, I just decided.

He remembers everything.  He's so smart!  I told him I would take him to the candy store when he was crying one time (see, the candy thing again) and we didn't go that day but the next day he was telling me that he wanted to go to the candy store.  We finally went.. aka the Jackson's gas station in Notus.  It worked.  I honestly am blown away by how smart he is. 

His laugh.  OMG.

--------------

I could keep going on and on but I won't.  It was just so much fun being with everyone. I'm sure 50 percent of my posts are about how much I love my family but it will never stop so, sorry :) I love my family!  I love Idaho! I love being an aunt! My sister is cool!  

Thanks, Jaym for making it a great week. 

The end.

We all have issues, mine are just weird.

I like to think that I'm a pretty put together human being.  Aside from my Netflix binge-watching problem, I know how to sew! I feel like that's pretty cool.  I also have that piece of paper that says I have a Bachelor's of Science (or "BS", if you will, because that's what it feels like sometimes). One time I learned some html coding stuff outside of Myspace profile designs and set up my own website from scratch. And I sometimes find myself knowing way too many things about people I'll never meet or things I'll never do or see.  I know things...

I'm also kind of a hypocrite.  If you quickly jumped to agreeing with that statement you can just imagine me punching you in the face because that's rude and rude people deserve to be punched.  (Crap! I just realized that I'm being a hypocrite now by I'm saying I'm one but not allowing you to think the same thing.) This is a mess.  

I was called out today by my older sister who had a mini intervention with me over the phone.  You see, I hate going to any kind of doctor.  I'm not sure why because I honestly haven't been that many times and don't have any traumatizing experiences that I can think of.  I just don't like the idea that they can look inside you and find things that are wrong.  I also don't like that they can have last names like "Fillerup" when they are a Cooter Doctor. (I threw the word cooter in for my mom because she loves that word.  Me, though? I prefer coochie, hoohaw, vag, or even VaJarna--Parmites, you know what I'm talking about.  Sorry for getting weird just now) If you're still reading and are curious, that is a legit last name of an OBGYN here in Layton.  Vomit.  Also, just know that I don't mean to be irrational.  In fact, I'm admitting right now that I have some issues (not womanly if you were wondering from all the lady part talk I just made you sit through).  The only thing worst than fearing the idea of having things wrong with you is knowing that I can't get them fixed if you don't know they're there and you can't know they are there without getting it checked.  NIGHTMARE!

I've dealt with some minor anxiety issues for a few years but have always felt like I have it under control by myself.  Since my first panic attack in 2009 I've learned that they always quickly pass if I focus on my breathing (rubbing my chest over my heart also helps) and try to keep myself away from super stressful situations.   As a daughter of someone who's dealt with some health issues you'd think that I would be the first person to get myself in to see someone about any issue since I'm always having my mom make appointments for hers.  I always tell her, "if we don't get this fixed then it will never get better." See.. baby hypocrite Jenn. 

So I guess I need to apologize to my mom and Jamie for saying one thing and doing another.  In my defense, though, most of the times I do straight up tell them "I'm not making that appointment." 

No one likes to admit that they have problems, no matter how minor they are because it makes us feel weak.  Of course, this isn't true. I'm not sure what's going on because I haven't actually seen anyone about it yet but I do finally have an appointment to see someone in a couple of weeks (thanks jaym *Winky/Eye roll face).  The thought still makes me want to vomit and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it all day.

I'm not as put together as I pretend to be most of the time.   I have more irrational fears than most people I know and have the hardest time doing certain things that most people don't even have to think twice about.  For example, (just to give you a taste since I'm laying it all out there) I have the HARDEST time going certain places or doing certain things by myself.  Doctor?  Drive-Thru?  Forget about it.  I'm a pretty independent person though so this has always bothered me about myself.  It's like my brain just won't let me do it or makes me think really hard about something I shouldn't have to think about at all. According to my smart mother, that is an issue. I've gotten a lot better at it since I've realized that being single is the fate of my 20's and possibly beyond which means you have to do things by yourself if you want to survive.  Don't worry, I grocery shop by myself like a champ now. *insert facial gesture that shows how proud of myself I am without seeming too cocky because it's nothing to be cocky about at all.*

You're probably laughing at me right now and that's OK, because I like to find humor in things that tick me off about myself too.  I will chuckle with you. We all have problems!! For some reason mine is just this brain of mine that doesn't know when to shut up sometimes. I guess I'm just a baby who needs to grow up and start taking my own advice that I would give everyone else. 

I'm working on it :) Sometimes I just need a little push.  Thank heavens for families and people who love me and know how what's best and how to approach it.  

gah!

Family, obvi.

I was going through one of my boxes yesterday before church looking for another set of checks so I could pay my tithing and stumbled across this gem of a picture:

I cried about it all morning and I'm tearing up about it again right now as I type.

You probably just laughed and thought, "Oh Jenn, always so emotional."  But let me break it down for you:

First, just look at Jamie's missing front teeth!  I feel like that's the best.  I'm pretty sure this picture was taken Christmas day in Glen's Ferry at Grandma and Grandpa Stump's house.  We always went there on Christmas day after we'd opened our presents.  Also, one of the few family videos we have of us growing up was of this day because we got a trampoline for Christmas and my dad's bff Danny came over and recorded us jumping on it.  I remember that because Jamie had the same hair and missing teeth in the video, and whinny Cole had that same cute face when he didn't want to jump on the trampoline anymore because he was cold and miserable and mom and dad just let him go back inside by himself.  True story.  That was a great Christmas!  Just like this is a great picture.  

Look at our hair?! Man, the 90's rocked.  Or maybe we rocked the 90's? either way.

I wasn't really emotional about any of those things, though.  I just looked at this picture yesterday and couldn't get over how happy my mom is. Look at her! That's what I loved the most.  Without going into detail, my mom has been through a lot in her life and even now when she feels sick she still somehow tries to always remains happy and is always the most amazing and supportive mother.  She won't say it's so, but she is.  She loves her kids more than anything in this world. She'll admit that one.  I guess I also love the way I'm holding her hand in this picture too.  I don't get the chance to do that too often anymore but I do it whenever I get to go home and visit.. usually when I'm sitting with her at church.. you know, since I'm bigger than her now and I can't sit on her lap anymore.  I cherish those moments now.

I've clearly grown up a lot since this picture but I feel like this just really shows the great bond my mom and I have.  I've been able to be by her side through a lot of sticky times and she's been right by mine through everything thing I've been through too. It can sometimes get hard like life tends to get but those are the moments we grow and benefit from the most. I'm glad I have a mom who never gives up no matter how crappy she's feeling, who loves me, and is truly my best friend.  [My best friend who found a great man to marry who gave me my two best sibling friends I could ever ask for.  Oh and a best friend whom I will forgive publicly right now for all the boy hair cuts growing up.  hahaha But really.] 

I'm just grateful for happy times  and little moments like stumbling across this picture that help remind me how blessed I really am.  Oh and the whole Columbia, MD mall shooting that happened this Saturday leaving 3 people dead?!.. Yeah, Jamie, Mason and Regan were at the mall when it happened.  Luckily, they were on the other side of the mall, didn't have to hear the gun shots, and made it out safe.  Moments like that I take in a deep breath (maybe tear up a little) and think: We're lucky. 

I have a great family and a great life. 

A Rant.

I know I said a couple of weeks ago that "no can really judge you around the New Year for being a little extreme about resolutions" or something like that?  Well it's crap.  I take it back because sadly, some people and the things they do will just annoy you no matter what.  So we judge.  

Opps.

I feel like I stay positive most of the time but if I have to see one more juice cleanse/gym instagram or hear any unprovoked comments about weight loss I'm going to punch someone right in the face.  (side note--I've always had the strongest desire to punch someone in the face.  I never will, I'm sure, but that doesn't mean I little piece of me doesn't want to do it.) I'm all for people getting healthy and losing weight and bettering themselves.  If you can and you have already, great! Let's celebrate with something that isn't food or some of that non-tasting food you claim to love.  I'm in.

Making healthier choices as a New Year's resolution is great and I've tried to joined in by watching things a little more carefully.  Sure I had a s'more the other day at Cole's and I chose to eat a hamburger for lunch today because I realized that I was actually sad about all the salad, grilled chicken, and soup I've been eating for the last week.   For real.  I'm eating this hamburger right now for lunch and I feel like it's the best thing to ever touch my lips.  I'd marry it if I didn't want it in my belly so bad.  It's that good. 

 Aside from talking about it just now, I haven't mentioned it to anyone else beside my mother.  Why? Because I know that no one cares.  Yet, why does everyone around me feel like they have to make a PSA about every dietary choice they are making and every pound they've lost? I kid you not, without me bringing anything up about it, two people told me yesterday "I've lost X pounds already".. and then there is one lady who I know every time she loses a pound because she talks about it so loudly. Isn't that what husbands and best friends are for?  You don't have to tell every person about it.  It makes it seem like you're bragging and that you're better than everyone all of a sudden.  Not a good look for you.

OH and don't even get me started about facebook right now.  No one cares about most of the crap people talk about on there either! I'm not just talking about the gym selfies on Facebook either. *Que facebook rant* Most of the things on facebook are crap.  I hate that Facebook used to be really interesting and about all the fun adventures people had, or funny things that happened to them during the day but now I have to read mostly sad and depressing things.  It's tiring.  I should just stop checking it, because we all know I don't really post on there anymore unless it's for birthdays or to read articles that I didn't happen to already see on my news sites.  For some reason the Ghost of Facebook Past keeps this creature of habit going to it because I remember how good it used to be and I feel like I'm going to miss something interesting if I don't check it.  There's rarely anything good.

Which brings me back to my point: There are certain things you should just probably keep to yourself unless people bring it up.  If I ask you what you're doing because you look so good, then you can tell me all about your "getting fit" resolutions and I'll probably praise you and be excited for you. Also, if I sincerely ask how you're doing because I haven't heard from you then you can totally tell me how depressed you are or what is going wrong in your life and I will listen.  If I'm eating a hamburger with another coworker and we already know you're on a diet, don't comment about it.  Shut your mouth.

Basically..When you say the same things over and over again people can't get excited for you. They might pretend that they are impressed or excited but they probably resent you.  In fact, I had to unfollow a friend on instagram yesterday because she posted 10 daily pictures of her kids.  It's too much, people!

Say things once.  If you have a rude comment to say in regards to the way someone else is living their life you should probably just keep it to yourself or start a blog like this one so people who actually care can listen.  I just never want to live my life and do things because I'm looking for praise in everything I do.  Sounds hard... and hamburger-less.

Christmas & New Year combo post.

Christmas this year was an interesting one.  Being the only child who isn't married, I'm the only one who doesn't have to worry about switching holidays with in laws and all that crap.  While, I'm sure my parents love having me home, I bet they secretly wish I would magically get hot and appealing to the opposite sex and get married.  Even if that meant that they had to spend one Christmas morning without any of their kids..  Well, I don't think they are holding their breath yet.  I'm just waiting for myself to get motivated to get out of this fat and awkward stage I've been in for the last 20 years ( I think it was 6 that it started.. I'll have to go back and look at pictures). I'm not complaining.  In fact, I'm laughing pretty hard about it because I'm picturing my baptism picture when I was 8 years old.  My lack of athleticism was starting to show but I started to overcompensate with my bubbly personality.  That picture was the start of it all. hahahaha. If I find the picture I'll post it so I can show you.  Mom Dad, don't worry, I'll get there!  Well, I'm sure I will always be awkward but I'm cool, so I feel like that will balance itself out eventually.  In the meantime, I'm just really glad that I was able to be home with my mom and dad for Christmas (even if it means I'm single and have to go to the home ward where people younger than me are married and have two or three kids.  I'll take it!  Plus, it means I get more presents.  BOOM!)

I decided to take the whole week off because my Dad had to work his long campaign shifts once again and I didn't want my mom to be alone.  I have to give props to my dad for a second.  My dad has worked at his job for 30+ years.  Same job, same campaign season every year ( Campaign is October-February-ish where he gets this crazy schedule that has him alternate between 12 hour day shifts and 12 hour night shifts and can't take extra days off outside of his schedule.  Holidays are no exception.)    Boy would that drive me nuts.  It messes up your sleep schedule and basically it gets to the point where I'm sure you feel like you only sleep and work.  Looking back now, I can't remember him complaining at all growing up.  I'm sure it's because we weren't old enough to really understand even if he did complain.  And we probably just never asked how work was.  We had no concept of money or hard work.  I feel bad about that now, but I was only a child so I will forgive myself and forgive my future children in advance.  

The only time I ever really noticed his weird schedule was during Christmas when he'd have to work the night shift.  Cole and Jaym and I could never sleep on Christmas Eve night because we were so excited.  We had a rule that we couldn't go out into the living room and we couldn't go and look at the tree to see what Santa brought until Dad got home at 7:30 am on Christmas morning.  I vividly remember a couple of years running across the living room without peeking and waiting in Mom and Dad's room with the door closed until dad got home or waiting in the hall by the heat vent until he got home.  Dad never complained about opening gifts right when he got home even though I'm sure he was so tired.  I'm writing this all down now because now that I'm in my mid twenties (I think 26 is still mid? well, I'm saying it is) I've realized how hard my dad works for us and how much he (and my mom) would do anything for us.  Even this year Cole and Kier got home at 3am the day after Christmas and we all woke up at 7:30 am so we could open gifts before Dad went to bed.  He didn't complain.

I have great parents.

The good news is that Dad is retiring at the end of May so we won't have to deal with another campaign season again!  I'm so excited about that and I know he is too.  He has senioritis right now.  He's already counting down the days until he's out of there.  I'm so happy for him!  

Back to being the only child that's not married.. this year Cole and Kier were on the off season and spent the holiday with her family and then Jamie and her family stayed in DC.  Since dad worked and we had our Hansen family dinner the day before Christmas eve this year, mom and I just stayed home Christmas eve night.  We watched a Hallmark movie with Grandma and then came home and watched Insidious 2 (I was pretty much done with Christmas movies at that point).  I think when you get older, and don't have a lot of family around, or kids around, Christmas isn't magical, but it's still great when you sit back and appreciate the people you do have around you and the true meaning of Christmas--Love.  I love my Savior! I love my family! I'm so grateful for everything I have.  But this year I mostly can't get over how grateful I am for my parents. 

 Mom kept telling me all week that she kept having this premonition that she wasn't going to be here next Christmas.  Of course I told her that she was being ridiculous, but on my drive home yesterday I kept getting taken back by what she said and may or may not have ugly cried all the way from home to Boise..  What if mom wasn't around next Christmas?  I'm going to bet and say that she will still be here but it's true that you really never know when it will be someones time to go.  I should have been happier this break.  I was happy but I didn't really do a good job of making each day count.  In fact, I spent a lot of time on the couch watching movies and googling random fact that don't matter. (For example--does the "Man with half a body" have private parts?  I'll save you time.  He does.  Mom and Kier and I even started watching the documentary on Netflix because we were THAT curious.  I still feel like I need to see pictures to prove it.  But I'll take his fiance's word for it.) I'm a little upset that I wasted a lot of time this break where I could have made some better memories with the people I love the most.. uhh..I'm going to wrap this section up before I start ugly crying again but since tomorrow is the last day of 2013, I want to just make a simple resolution for this year.  There won't be anyway to really judge it, but I just want to try to live more in the moment and make my days count.  

Normally this would be where I compile this long post about all of the things I did and learned in 2013 but I don't want to go into too many details because this post is already longer than I planned on it being.  I know what happened this year and if you read my blog or have been a part of my life at all this year then you know that it wasn't a super exciting year.  I will just say this: 2013 was hard.  I've learned a lot, made some mistakes, spent a lot of time praying and fixing them, went through the temple :), figured out that I'm way too hard on myself,  moved again (still in Layton), and wasted a lot of time (Yes, I had some pretty good times too).  I'm not going to beat myself up about it.  I just want to try to do better.  That's the exciting part about the start of a new year.  We get to try and no one can really judge us for changing or being weird all of a sudden (because admit it, sometimes people go a little extreme with this New Years stuff).  Somethings we won't see coming in the new year and we might not have any control over some of it, but we can pick ourselves up when we fall, we can try harder to put our phones down and be more in the moment when we are with people we love and care about.  So, yet again, here's to trying harder..and praying that mom isn't like Sandra Bullock in that one premonition movie. 


The end.

Happy New Year :)

Something new...

Oh hi, it's me, Jenn.  Betcha thought I'd given up on the old blog, huh?!  While parts of me has considered calling it quits, there is this one part of me that always comes back to it every so often and has a desire to keep it going.  In fact, I want to get better at it again but I just never make time for it and mostly I just never feel creative enough anymore. I've written draft posts multiple times this month but I always end up deleting them. Same old story I've had this entire year.  

Isn't that pathetic?  Not enough time?! HA!  I'm laughing at myself about that.  I could see if I had a boyfriend or was working on a project, going back to school or was involved in some after work hobby or service thing.  I'm not.  The truth is.. I have plenty of time. ESPECIALLY since I don't have cable anymore and I cut out more than half of my shows including almost all things "reality."  Yes, that means I'm officially over the Kardashians..  
Oh and I stopped following pretty much every celebrity on Instagram and find out things about them way late when I happen to stumble across some kind of news on Facebook or something.  Funny thing is that I used to be so invested in these people that I'd never meet.  I don't feel super lame about it, though, because I feel like a lot of us do that.  We get sucked into news that doesn't matter and situations that don't matter... But I can honestly say that I don't care anymore.  Seem like a ridiculous thing but I'm actually proud of it. Don't judge.

As I've thought about "time" and as I've reflected on my life this week about this last year and where I'm at, it's left me thinking about how I need to get up, get out and do someone new and exciting! I haven't quite figured out what that is yet but as most human beings, we always end up feeling this way at this time of the year.  We get in a rut and we choose to just keep things going the way they are going because they aren't "bad" really... they're just comfortable. I need to pull it together.

I'm not going to go crazy and learn how to play an instrument or something like that because we all know that wouldn't be my thing.  I'm not coordinated.  I couldn't even do the drums on Rock Band back in the day because it required using my feet and hands.  It's bad.  So I'll do what I always do and I'll just figure it out.  I just need something that really pushes me and gets me out of my head a little bit.  I'll figure it out.

For now, I'm just going to pray that I make it home for Christmas.  Curse you, SNOW!!!!!

Wednesday

Since I haven't posted for a while, and since it's Wednesday I figured I better do a post.  I found a couple of random quotes that I've written down in my phone over the last two weeks so here you go:

"Car for Christmas." -Mason telling me what he wants Santa to bring him
"Maybe when you're 16 you can get a car for Christmas." -Jamie

.....10 minutes or so later.

"Mason, are you a kid?" -Me
"I Sixteen." -Mason
hahahaha He's so smart.  

Dear Mason's Santa: I too am over 16 and would like a car.  Love, Jenn. Thanks!

"The white haired girls are taking us on a walk."
-Myles, my cousin Luke's little 5 year old, telling all the grown ups where he was going
Kids just tell it like it is.  They aren't afraid to ask questions and they don't have a filter.  I loved that he called Kier and I the "white haired girls." I guess it's true.  We both did just get our hair colored... So it's like, Thanks for saying we look fake? Whatever, kid. haha  I'll take it over the other things he was saying to us when he first started talking to us.  He was confused that we were girls at first and kept referring to us as "him," He asked if Kier and I kiss, and he kept calling Kiersten Lori. (Funniest name for Kier EVER). I finally found it all funny after Kier reminded me that little kids get confused over "him, her, she and he."  I'm not going to lie, after I was called "him" for the third time, my feelings were hurt for a second....haha. Kids are funny.  

But for the record, MYLES.. I'm a girl, Kier and I don't kiss, I have blonde hair, and I too would like to start calling Kiersten by the name of Lori.

The end.

"How old are you?  Do you have a boyfriend? Why don't you have kids?"
-My cousin's kids at Thanksgiving Dinner
I didn't love having to explain my whole life to all the kids ranging from 5-12ish.  Adults have just learned to not ask.  These kids, however, were just so confused as to why I wasn't married and didn't have any kids after I explained that I was 25 (turning 26 the next day.  ((for some reason telling them that I was 26 the next day made me want to hurl.  They were giving me the third degree on my age and my lack of love life and children. Thank goodness I wasn't officially 26 yet.)) The best was when they asked about where I lived and I told them that I lived in Utah with one of my friends who is a girl.  They had never heard of such a thing.  And when I told them I had a spare bedroom they suggested I turn it into a toy room.  I reminded them that I didn't have kids and that started the process all over again.  I finally was able to change the subject by letting them download a game on my phone.  

It was kind of my nightmare.

"I love that hutch!"
-Me about my Aunt Cindy's adorable hutch
"You like the hutch.  You should love people not things."
-Grandma Hansen
Obviously Thanksgiving wasn't my day.  I was being bullied left and right.  I did find this one funny though.  My little grandma was so serious so I laughed and said, "Well, no.  I love people and I love that hutch." haha oh Grandma.  I love her.. but I also love things.  Sue me.  But for the record, I would choose people over things of course.  I'm not heartless.


"Are you going to cry?"
-Nieko after everyone sang Happy birthday to me over the phone.
"haha no." -Me
"Why, wasn't that touching?" 
-Nieko
He knows I get choked up over the most random things so he just assumed that would make me cry.  He's right though.. it was touching.  

Happy 26th birthday to me from my younger, friends! awwwww yeaaaaaah.

With Thanksgiving right around the corner...

Today at church the new first counselor in the Bishopric talked about how we all go through hard times and that it's easy to let our guard down, give into temptations, and let ourselves be sad and hard on ourselves.  I love the simple advice he gave us which was to "always look for the good."  This isn't anything new but I know I forget to look for the good in situations and in people more times than I'd like to admit.  With Thanksgiving right around the corner I gave myself a lot of time today to reflect about all of the good things in my life that I am eternally grateful for.  I could sit and list them all but that would take a really long time to type so I won't.

What I will say is that I don't know how I got so lucky with this great life that I have.  This year has been one of the toughest years of my life and I'm sure there will be harder ones down the road, but I am so thankful for the people in my life who continue to lift me up, opened my eyes, and help me become a better person.  I'm especially grateful for the trials and hard times that I've gone through this year and in my life in general because through them I've realized how much my Heavenly Father loves me, how much I love Him, and that he truly does have a plan for me.  I don't know what that plan is, and I sometimes forget that He thinks I'm special but I refuse to give up figuring out who I'm meant to be and the great things that I'm meant to do and become.

All material things aside (because I'm also overwhelmed with all of the things that I have in general) I'm above all most thankful for this life that I have.  The fact that we're here on this beautiful Earth experiencing everything that we get to experience is pretty amazing.  We have bodies. Complex, weird and amazing bodies! We get to feel happiness, heartbreak, pain, joy and  LOVE..and probably the most fabulous part of it all is that we get to make our own choices!

Like I said before, hard times come in life and I know I let myself get down and negative sometimes but I always end up reminding myself at the end of the day about how lucky I am to even be here and for the life that I have.  We just  have to always keep looking for the good.

 I send my thanks to my Heavenly Father and My Savior Jesus Christ.  All good things come from them.  My life, my family, my friends...everything.  I am me because of their love and sacrifice.  They are the root of ALL of my happiness.  What more could I be thankful for?

Happy Early Thanksgiving :)