'Secrets Keep Me In Line'

I've been thinking a lot about secrets this last week and here's the thing...
We all have them.

So don't think you're bad for having some pretty hefty ones. I do too.  Some I can't even get myself to say out loud.  But that doesn't mean I am a horrible person.  That just means I have issues. haha. Who doesn't? I mean, am I right or am I right?

I will say though that I love the moments when someone you know comes to you in confidence and trusts you with a secret that they haven't told anyone else.  I've got a few of those friends, some old and some new, and I love them to death.  I don't think it's a coincidence that those people are actually some of my best friends in the whole world.  I might be one of the biggest talkers {I don't like the word gossip} but I know how to keep secrets too.

Thanks for trusting me :)
*You know who you are*

Annoying.

          This made me laugh after an annoying night/morning:

I've totally been acting like Gru and getting annoyed by everything. I even noticed that I'm wearing gray and black stripes today.  What the what? Embarrassing.


I decided I better check myself. Mostly because I hate being annoyed and because all this frowning and scowling can't be good for wrinkles and stuff..So let me just get all the negative energy out.


Things that count as annoying in the last 24 hours:


1. People not telling me what they are really thinking or doing when (hello) I already know the answer.


2. Hearing the same complaints over and over again from a person who doesn't do anything to change it.


3. Changes in plans that you were excited for.


4. Lack of Privacy [during the one time of my life that I actually wanted it.]


5. Having the ipod, ipad, iphone convo (Tech 101) multiple times in one day and getting so frustrated that I wished there was an app I could download that would physically punch me right in the face. Of course I laughed about it with Jamie later.  [we'll get you there mom :) sorry for being so short!]


6. People who can't go 2 seconds without calling or texting someone. Like really?! get off the freaking phone.


7. identity theft. [punk-A thugs...]


8. People who don't respond to important texts, calls or messages.


9. When the Internet acts up and Facebook won't let [E] and I can get our stalk on.


10. When couples call each other "babe."  Obviously that's just a personal thing. I'm not judging you as a person if you do it, I'm just suggesting that if you have to use a pet name for each other, you should try something else and see if you like it better. Or just keep it to yourselves... No one needs to hear that crap in public:)


Bonus**Getting so annoyed with myself for being annoyed with everything that I hide in my room and read self help/psychology books.  oh yeah, it happens.


Wow--I really do feel better.  Thank you breathing exercises. Thank you blog.  Thank you gospel. Thank you trees. Thank you air. Thank you people.com. Thank you family. Thank you Today show. Thank you water. Thank you Ellen Degeneres. Thank you payday. Thank you readers. Thank you french braids...


See. I can recognize the good in things in life:)


Peace out annoyances, Hello fun/positive weekend!

Wednesday's Witty Words of the Week

"I don't like wiping for that reason. It takes so lonnnngg!"
-Easton
Oh, this conversation and how it did not have to happen!  I could have gone throughout my entire life without knowing about things in weird places and issues with "wiping." Ew. hahahaha. no offense, Easton :)

Black Haired Liz

"You're not rude, you're just honest."
-Sam
I got this a couple of times from him this week followed by hysterical laughter.  Um, doesn't that make it rude even though it's the truth? haha. whatev.


FBook Relationship Statuses

"She said she's even uglier in real life!"
-Nieko
haha. mom's are funny. yes, we even judge the ladies on the real estate signs...

The Orphan


"Your sister has done a CRAP load of family history!"
-Girl during her talk at stake conference
"uh, are you allowed to say crap at the pulpit?" yep. that would be my visiting teaching partner. This would also be the same girl would made the blog last week with her "blood bag" comment.  She did a great job on her talk but there are just some things that shouldn't be said at the pulpit.  Crap being one of them.  Not that it's a bad word or anything, it's just hard to concentrate after something like that is thrown in.

Can help it-call outs

"Are you the devil?" -Coworker Amy to a little trick-or-treater
"No. I'm Darth Maul." -very disappointed trick-or-treater in legit costume
hahahaha.  He was so proud of his Darth Maul costume. Come on AMY, get it right! haha

Exiting early

"To be honest, I didn't hear a word she said."
-Sam
Of course he didn't. He was too distracted by the two girls dressed in slut "costumes" at the little walmart. Dear Male, thanks for making us have to go all the way back to get our bag of Starbursts that you left and for making us lose even more faith in men and all their shallowness. Perv. :)

Kim K Wedding [Woe's]

"You should get on and write Ellen and nominate me for the biggest Twilight fan so I can meet the cast." -Mom
"hahaha. Why me?" -Me
"Because you're funny and she'd like it." -mom
Did I do it for her? Absolutely. Did I share the funniest/most embarrassing stories about mom and twilight? You better believe it. haha. Even funnier--I didn't make anything up or stretch the truth.  Oh, I love my mom.

I believe her!

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm all about the Kardashians.  Jude me. I don't care.  While you are judging me for it, go ahead and believe all that you want about her making tons of money on her wedding. blah blah. blah. Even though we do know she made some money on the wedding pics. Hello. that was a given!

Go watch all 4 hours of "Kim's Fairy Tale Wedding" and then read her blog post from yesterday and then we'll talk...:)

I believe her.

Kim and Humphries totally weren't a match that I thought would last forever. In fact, I gave them 2 years. You could tell that she loved him but you could also tell that she was skeptical about the whole thing and that he annoyed her sometimes.  Um, I would be annoyed with him too. 

Yes, she should have called it off before the wedding but she didn't.  To be honest, I don't know if I would have either with all of the press and junk and all of the money that I would have already put into it. Let's let her move on!

Dear Kim,

Be a little more careful next time. Date longer. Try staying away from the athletes for a change. And for the love, find someone who can live with your life style in the spot light!

Third time's a charm ;)..and if that one doesn't work out.. just don't spend as much money on the next wedding!

Love,
Jennifer Allaboutthekardashianseveniftheyareabitredic Hansen

Whatever happened to easing us into things?

Why didn't I get my camera out yesterday for my work or friend Halloween parties? I know why. It's solely due to the fact that if I see someone get out their camera first and I am friends with them on fbook I just plan on the tagging and downloading process.  Ahh technology. It's beautiful, really.  But that doesn't help me for my post today. 

I was just going to postpone the Halloween blog post until Carli posted some of the pics from the get together last night at my apt but I'll be honest, I saw some of the pictures she took of me last night and they are EMBARRASSING. That, and I'm ready to be done with October.  I mean, everyone knows it's my favorite month but I think we did a pretty dang good job of celebrating it. We went to a billion haunted houses [I round up], watched a bunch of scary movies, had a bonfire with smores, ate too much junk and laughed so hard until we almost peed our pants. Alright, maybe that last one was just me and maybe that was just last night. I digress.

Our little get together last night was the perfect way to end the month.  I was so impressed that almost everyone dressed up; I didn't think they would.  We had a really convincing nerd, a baseball player, a BAMF gangster, a baby, a Hockey player, a Pirate, and even a 'Karen' from the movie Mean Girls [haha]!  We ate tons of junk and delish pomegranates, played games and were reminded of how perfectly weird we all are.

I'd say the only disappointment of the night was when Liz showed up without her Esther costume on. Boo. [hahaha j/k Liz.]  It was a great October but now, it's time to move on! 

So here's the official peace out to October--a couple pics from the cellular:

My queen of hearts costume turned out great! I wore it pretty much all day and well, let's just say:

                                           Fact.

It was so poofy I couldn't even drive with that sucker on.  HUGE. I may have even used the "is that a fat joke?" line on my boss when he commented about me being in the way because my skirt was so big. hahaha. It just came out. super funny. super awkward. ...Never again.

These were probably my favorite pictures I received via text from James and Jamie:
                   Mason Boy in his Dragon Costume:

Couldn't help myself. I adore him.  I can't wait until next year when he will be walking around. I might just have to go home to see that!


Gosh. Can you believe it's November 1st?  Mind--officially blown.  That means birthdays, thanksgiving trip home, 10 day Christmas vacay home [plane ticket officially purchased] festive parties and shopping, shopping, shopping!  Oh how I love the holidays :)

Did everyone purchase their JB Christmas album that was released today?!? haha.Um.. what the Busta Rhymes and JB/ Drummer Boy track?



Thank you JB for spreading Christmas cheer early! Even though I can't get myself to listen to Christmas music this early, I have listened through the whole album already.  I had too--It's JB!

One thing that can stay away a little longer--the blasted snow.  I just looked out the window and wanted to throw up.  What ever happened to easing us into things? 

I really don't know how I made it through 4 years of Rexburg winters...
-Let the games begin!

"For your eyes only!"

Remember doing this?!?

Writing secret notes to a friend or crush and then folding them like this? 

Or better yet, into a heart?!

 

i do.

Sometimes I wish we could go back to this instead of texting. It's way more thoughtful and romantical. ahh Middle School Days.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies.. Mmmm Fall!

I made these delicious Pumpkin Chocolate Chip cookies tonight from here. The recipe is super simple to follow. I did the "small fry" batch and it made 36 good sized cookies which was way more than I planned. Good news with these is that you probably have most of the stuff in your cupboards already. I just needed the can of pumpkin and the chocolate chips :)

Source: howdoesshe.com via Kristen on Pinterest

Tip--these cookies spread out pretty nicely as they bake. If you don't have one of those fancy cookie scoopers, you can just use a smaller spoon and plop it right onto the pan! oh, and I only had to cook mine for 11 minutes...so just watch your first batch :)


What a festive treat! I love Fall!!


here's one thing I want to know though--why is pumpkin spice scented candles my favorite and I love pumpkin drinks and foods but canned pumpkin smells like complete crap? ew. who knows.

Wednesday's Witty Words of the Week

“I didn’t even know Deena wore underwear to be honest with you.”
–Ronnie, Jersey Shore
How can you forget the episode this season where she forgot to put them on before going to the club?  You can't tell me that was the only time it happened.
"I see kookah!"  ew.


"It's better than Midgets...."
-Easton
bahahahahhahahahaha--If you only knew what he was comparing it to. "No. No, it's not any better. It's way worse:" Weirdo!


"We're going to the mall."-Sam to the parking guy
"uh...we don't have a mall here." -Parking Guy
"I mean, we're going to the movies." -Sam
oh the things you do so you don't have to pay for parking. ha!


"What grade are you in?"
-girl to a college student.
How do you answer a question like that when you are in your upper level courses of college?  "uhh...4th grade, actually. Thanks for asking. You?" no.


"Carli....I want Carli!"
-Pretty much every employee at the Haunted Circus
Why was it so funny that everyone kept giving the workers Carli's name?  Because they would chase after her and call her by name all creepy like and she would FREAK.  Uh. it really was creepy come to think of it..Sorry, Carli!

"How come you no tell me?"
-Sam in his Chinese accent.
He joked around with this accent for almost 20 minutes on the car ride to the Haunted Circus and he's actually really good. Good thing he stopped when he pulled up to the oriental guy that was working the parking lot. I would have been so embarrassed.


"Change of plans.  I'm coming over so we can talk."
-Easton
What can we say?  We like to stay in the know and sometimes texting and phone calls don't cut it!

"Get it, Girrrrl."
-Crazy, drunk girl I made friendly with at In-N-Out.
I don't know why these people find the need to always talk to me everywhere I go, but I can't help but respond and make friends with them.  They're funny.


"Stop it Jenn. You're really creeping me out."
-Liz
Rude Liz.  Maybe that is really how I laugh.  "Don't be scared" *insert creepy tone of voice*


“Seeing Nicole clean is like seeing Mike with a condom. It just doesn’t happen.”
–Vinny
haha. This just proves how disgusting the Situation really is and how lazy and dirty Snooki probably is.  yuck.

"I'm really craving my blood bag right now."
-My visiting teaching partner
There are some things you should really clarify during the Halloween season before people, who already thing you are a little weird, freak out and jump to the conclusion that you are a vampire. Maybe I've seen too many episodes of the Vampire Diaries? Idk. But really.  Tell me it's candy first. ok?!

I used to have a cat named Kisser...random facts

I had a nice little chat with my mom the other day about kissing.  It may or may not had to do with the fact that I "accidentally" walked in on someone sucking face.  Basically, it was one of the funniest conversations I had with my mom this week.

My mom's response was something like this--"ugh! are you serious?!?" *insert tone of disgust*

My relpy--"So you're saying that you and Dad didn't make out when you were dating? PUH-LEASE. bahahahaha"

We both laughed, because even though I didn't know the mid 20's version of my mom, I know her now.  I don't know any other way to break it down for you besides the fact that the madre is obsessed with Edward Cullen and all things teen romance and shares my same love for good looking male celebs. Guaranteed she did her fair share of kissing at our age. Guaranteed. 

I guess Moms just don't like the idea of their babies kissing boys/girls.  Who knew?  I now think it's funny and will be sure to make a point of bringing it up to my mom more often simply for her reactions.

bahahahahahaha I was going to end there, but I was looking for a kissy picture to put on on this post and I found some statistics about kissing and I couldn't help but share a couple of the ones I found...interesting:

On the average, a person spends 20,160 minutes (two weeks) of his/her life on kissing.

this one made me laugh. really?!

It is thought that men who kiss their wives goodbye before going to work live five years longer than those who just slam the door. Men of the latter category are said to be more prone to traffic accidents.

LOL.. Ok. I'm not sure how they came of up with this one BUT I don't mind it at all.  In fact, I'm pretty sure I will use that against my husband if I get married. "Dude, don't you walk out that door before kissing me, or else...*insert randomly awesome/probably not true statistic*." classic threat. But in all seriousness, my dad never leaves the house for work without kissing my mom.  So, if that means 5 more years added to his life, then heck yes for kissing! woot, woot.  So men you have a choice--kiss your wives, or live in fear of traffic accidents forever. Take your pick.  [redic.]

According to U.S. statistics, an American woman would kiss an average of 80 men before she gets married.

What the H?!  ummm.. Ladies.  I don't know about you.  But I'm a little [I mean,  A LOT] behind.  What I want to know is what kind of sleaze ball had such outrageous numbers to offset the curve like that? And how wouldn't you lose track after 25 or so?  I mean, get real.

Weekends give us something to talk about :)

You probably didn't notice, but I have been a little blog-absent this last week and super uncreative.  I'm not sure what the deal is. I think it has to do with the fact that I have been staying out way too late, waking up really early, playing love doctor and life coach for multiple people, and just staying really busy.  But those things are normal these days.  I guess I just haven't really had much to say. Shocker, right? 

Good news is that the weekend always brings up things worth talking about. Like:

1.) I've decided that I really dislike little monkeys.  We watched a video on youtube of two little monkeys swimming in the bathtub and I seriously thought I would have nightmares after watching it.  The idea of something like that running around a house and jumping AT everything, quite frankly gives me the creeps. *Shiver*

2.) I dreamt about little puppies last night after looking them up for hours with [N] and [S]. If they could promise me that teacup puppies wouldn't get much bigger than their cute itty-bitty stage then I would go against everything I've ever believed about indoor dogs, move out of my apt and buy one. And name him Dash.  Probably won't happen, but the idea sounds a little magical.

OMG, right? I want, I want!

*my birthday is Nov. 29th* Wink Wink :)

3.) I still have a horrible fear of little people--meaning kids. Ok. Maybe just kids in haunted houses who chase me. Like, where are your parents, child? And why the H are they letting you work at the Strangling Brothers Haunted Circus? Beyond me.

4.) I don't have very much patience for people who don't tell it like it is to people who matter. Like today. If you want to go and do something and you don't think that people are going to take it very well...who cares.  Just do it and tell them what's up. Don't stretch the truth, omit things or whatever lame excuse you convinced yourself is justified; just tell it like it is.  In the end, being shady about things only does more damage and it makes you look a little dumb.  

5.) If you don't want people wondering what is up with you or talking about you then don't give them reasons to!

6.) I got home from church today and was super annoyed for a few reasons.  Without details I will just say that I also don't have patience with stupidity.  It's like, "hold on.  you're being dumb. Don't talk to me for a minute."  and then I cool down and we're all good.

7.) I went to my first ReAl soccer game with Sam, Cole and Megan yesterday.  I thought that I would hate it but it was actually a good time!  Churros, people lighting flares in the stadium seating (idiots), Confetti when we scored, people screaming and jumping around a lot and playing the drums, Spanish things...haha it was a surprising good time.  I couldn't go too many more times but I enjoyed it.  But what the ending in a tie game?! Freaking LAME! Soccer is weird a little.

8.) I might seem heartless as of late, but really, I will do anything for someone I love. If that means doing something that might not be taken well or something that might be a little uncomfortable or make me look like a bad person, I don't care. I will do it for a loved one because I want them to be happy plain and simple.  

9.) You will be rewarded for good deeds.  Ok, so Sam did all the good deeds this weekend, I just reaped the rewards.  Hello, free $20 haunted circus ticket!  (ok, I will add that I had two extra tickets for the Fun./Steel Train concert last October because two of my friends from out of town couldn't make it and I gave them both away for free [$45 value] because at the time I didn't know ANYONE else in Utah).  So maybe it was just roll-over rewards from that one time, just a year later? Whatever the case, I was stoked about it.  "OH YEAH. FREE STUFF, YEAH."

10.) I'm not very tolerant of physical pain.  Actually, I'm recently kind of a baby when it comes to it.  In fact, I kind of want my mom right now. [You hear that madre? Come. like nowish. Bring Mason.]