Don't mind the vent sesh about stuff that will probably die down tomorrow morning.

Thinking that things would sort of slow down after our family trip to California was wishful thinking.  I could blame it on the fact that I'm quickly approaching 25 so I just can't keep up these days, but I'm not quite sure that the age thing is the problem.

As I woke up this morning, thinking about getting out of bed to prepare for church, I couldn't stop thinking about how negative I've felt over the last couple of weeks, even though I'm surrounded by so many positive/great things.  After last night when I had to apologize to a few people for being grumpy--I knew it was bad.

Here's my explanation.

For the past year and a half I've been this person of consistency in a life that I really do love.  I've done essentially the same things, with just about the same people everyday, gotten an average of 5 hours of sleep a night (if I'm lucky), woken up at about 6:15 every morning, taken my 30 minute commute to work on the weekdays, called my sister and mom everyday (usually more than once), eaten the same kind of lunches while trying to catch up on my blog and news updates, listened to the same kind of bull from whoever, commuted home from work at about 4:30, grocery shopped once a week, tried to clean up a little from the night before, tried to find times to watch some of my TV shows as a way to relax, entertained more people....tried to catch my breath and then started all over again..

Don't get me wrong...I have a pretty great life and I love doing all of the things I listed above.  But it sometimes gets a little overwhelming.  I think that's why I was so excited for the California trip.   I was getting a week away from my "groove" so I thought that when I got back I would be less annoyed with others and myself and ready for another few months before having a mini crazy Jenn moment.

I think the straw that broke the camel's back was when the cops showed up to my front door last night because of a noise complaint from one of my neighbors because my apartment was a zoo of people cheering LOUDLY for a game that I wasn't even watching/yelling about.  That did it.  All of the things that I have been thinking for the last three weeks, and thought I'd expressed to some people just sort of spilled out in a not-so-nice way.

I was grumpy and you know what? I deserved to be a little, I think.  It's not like I just snapped..I've been blogging, going to bed early when people are still at my house, and making comments for the last couple of weeks about the fact that I've just been feeling a little off and I guess I must not be making myself clear.  So here it is:

Plain and simple--Sometimes, I don't like people coming over.  Sometimes, I want to have that option of staying home one night by myself.  However, I don't get that choice because people are always here.  Which, isn't just everyone else's fault.  I get that.   It just makes it hard when you are the only one with your own place and you're in a different stage of life than all of your friends.

This isn't the only thing that's been bugging me, and I really don't blame anyone in particular..but I've realized that it's something that needs to change so that I can make some changes for myself personally.  Like, how do I expect to take care of my health if I don't have the time and how am I supposed to do all these things in my life that I used to have as goals if I'm not making the time for them?

It's all about priorities and let's be honest, my social life is one of those priorities, but I've decided that I'm just going to have to start making some rules so that I can be a more sane, balanced person.  Like, if people are coming over and I want to go to bed early, I guess I will just have to tell them in advance.  And for goodness sakes, I'm just going to have to start saying No sometimes because clearly, the eye rolling, fits and acting annoyed doesn't get through to some people.  Hmmm.  I need to figure out what I need to do so that I don't become that grumpy/annoyed person because that's not fair to the people I'm around.  It's rude.

Now I'm just venting about something that probably doesn't seem like a big deal.  But that's what personal journal blogs are for I guess!  At the end of the day, I'm just trying to figure out how I can be a happier Jenn.

So that's where I am right now.  Trying to catch my breath, and honestly at the same time having a lot of fun with people I love.  I'm just going to have to try not to be paranoid about having people over and being loud in the apartment because I don't want those cops showing up again.  That was uncomfortable :/

So if any of my friends around here read this... (most of you who do, "get" me so you already understand) but If I say I want to go to bed, I want to go to bed.  If I say we need to be quiet, then I'm not kidding.  Like I've said before.. I don't kid about stupid stuff like that.  Why people think I'm joking most of the time is beyond me. haha.  I usually say what I think.  Oh and let's be a little more creative and come up with other things than "chill at jenn's every night" It's getting old for me so I would imagine it is for you too. I apologize if I was rude the other night.  I'm just doing what everyone else is trying to do--Taking life one step at a time and trying to figure out what the crap I'm doing.

Oh and P.S --You're awesome. Loves--xoxo